Is your child expected to notify you of a major change?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they had to discuss wanting to change majors with me before doing it.

When you are not paying, you are not in control.

I would absolutely expect them to discuss such an important change with me. To just change their major and never mention it to us (their parents) would be a huge violation of trust.

I changed from pre-med to another major when I was in college many years ago. I was 19 going on 20, and I did not discuss my decision to change majors with my parents. I went to a state school on full scholarship, and I had a part-time job, not living at home. I did, however, mention it over Thanksgiving dinner that Junior year because I love them and thought they'd want to know about the important decision I made for MY life. They were surprised and would have preferred I go to medical school but realized they really had no choice in the matter. Changing majors was the smartest thing I could've done nor have I ever regretted my decision.

That is great and you were paying your own way. However, if the student in question is being funded by parents, then they at least deserve a heads up.

I was not paying my own way. I had a scholarship which could have been recalled at any time if my grades were not up to par.

I guarantee that a child in a secure relationship with parents who aren't overbearing and judgmental, they will seek out their parents for discussion. When I read some of these comments, I thank God for my parents then and now.

+1. This past weekend, my senior high school DD told me that the after party was going to include a co-ed sleepover. Initially, it was all girls. If DD had not told me, there was a chance I would not have ever known. The sleepover was turned into all girls with the boys kicked out at 1am. DD trusts me and I her because of mutual respect and, again, trust to do the right thing.

Like the oarty, I trust DD and know she would do the right thing and handle telling me in a timely fashion of a major change, but with a plan of action like the PP. That is what I would prefer rather than not have thought it out before telling us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they had to discuss wanting to change majors with me before doing it.

When you are not paying, you are not in control.

I would absolutely expect them to discuss such an important change with me. To just change their major and never mention it to us (their parents) would be a huge violation of trust.

I changed from pre-med to another major when I was in college many years ago. I was 19 going on 20, and I did not discuss my decision to change majors with my parents. I went to a state school on full scholarship, and I had a part-time job, not living at home. I did, however, mention it over Thanksgiving dinner that Junior year because I love them and thought they'd want to know about the important decision I made for MY life. They were surprised and would have preferred I go to medical school but realized they really had no choice in the matter. Changing majors was the smartest thing I could've done nor have I ever regretted my decision.

That is great and you were paying your own way. However, if the student in question is being funded by parents, then they at least deserve a heads up.

I was not paying my own way. I had a scholarship which could have been recalled at any time if my grades were not up to par.

I guarantee that a child in a secure relationship with parents who aren't overbearing and judgmental, they will seek out their parents for discussion. When I read some of these comments, I thank God for my parents then and now.

In my book, having a scholarship means paying your own way. You are the reason you got the scholarship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they had to discuss wanting to change majors with me before doing it.

When you are not paying, you are not in control.

I would absolutely expect them to discuss such an important change with me. To just change their major and never mention it to us (their parents) would be a huge violation of trust.

I changed from pre-med to another major when I was in college many years ago. I was 19 going on 20, and I did not discuss my decision to change majors with my parents. I went to a state school on full scholarship, and I had a part-time job, not living at home. I did, however, mention it over Thanksgiving dinner that Junior year because I love them and thought they'd want to know about the important decision I made for MY life. They were surprised and would have preferred I go to medical school but realized they really had no choice in the matter. Changing majors was the smartest thing I could've done nor have I ever regretted my decision.

Honestly, I agree that it is their life and ultimately they get to choose what is good and right for them. However, if one of my kids made an important decision like that and waited months to tell me about it I would feel really hurt and misled. I would be very sad that they kept me out of the loop like that and that would be true regardless of who was footing the bill for the tuition.

Just because you had every right to make that decision all by yourself and to keep your parents in the dark about it doesn't mean that it was a kind or considerate thing for you to do.

First, I will not be castigated by a stranger who comes to conclusions based on a few sentences. For your information, I changed my major in September of that year and waited two months while the whole family was in place to talk about my decision. Unlike your expectation of your children, I put my ducks in a row and gathered all my information and a plan before blurting out my news. A plan is the mature way to go.

If one of your kids waited months to tell you, I would certainly understand why. If you have this kind of reaction and accusatory attitude towards a stranger based on little information, I dread to think of the reaction you would exhibit to your children who just blurted it out.

I actually didn't question your judgement with regards to changing your major and of course all I know about your situation is what you posted here. I don't know you. But I can tell you that most parents would be really unhappy to be informed of this decision in the way that you chose to inform your parents about your decision. You DID wait months to tell them about it and when you did tell them it was at a holiday dinner surrounded by other family members. I really can not imagine why you chose that particular moment in time to drop a bombshell like that on your folks but if they were good with that then that is the important thing - maybe what would be a bombshell at one table is NBD at another table?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they had to discuss wanting to change majors with me before doing it.

When you are not paying, you are not in control.

I would absolutely expect them to discuss such an important change with me. To just change their major and never mention it to us (their parents) would be a huge violation of trust.

I changed from pre-med to another major when I was in college many years ago. I was 19 going on 20, and I did not discuss my decision to change majors with my parents. I went to a state school on full scholarship, and I had a part-time job, not living at home. I did, however, mention it over Thanksgiving dinner that Junior year because I love them and thought they'd want to know about the important decision I made for MY life. They were surprised and would have preferred I go to medical school but realized they really had no choice in the matter. Changing majors was the smartest thing I could've done nor have I ever regretted my decision.

Honestly, I agree that it is their life and ultimately they get to choose what is good and right for them. However, if one of my kids made an important decision like that and waited months to tell me about it I would feel really hurt and misled. I would be very sad that they kept me out of the loop like that and that would be true regardless of who was footing the bill for the tuition.

Just because you had every right to make that decision all by yourself and to keep your parents in the dark about it doesn't mean that it was a kind or considerate thing for you to do.

First, I will not be castigated by a stranger who comes to conclusions based on a few sentences. For your information, I changed my major in September of that year and waited two months while the whole family was in place to talk about my decision. Unlike your expectation of your children, I put my ducks in a row and gathered all my information and a plan before blurting out my news. A plan is the mature way to go.

If one of your kids waited months to tell you, I would certainly understand why. If you have this kind of reaction and accusatory attitude towards a stranger based on little information, I dread to think of the reaction you would exhibit to your children who just blurted it out.

I actually didn't question your judgement with regards to changing your major and of course all I know about your situation is what you posted here. I don't know you. But I can tell you that most parents would be really unhappy to be informed of this decision in the way that you chose to inform your parents about your decision. You DID wait months to tell them about it and when you did tell them it was at a holiday dinner surrounded by other family members. I really can not imagine why you chose that particular moment in time to drop a bombshell like that on your folks but if they were good with that then that is the important thing - maybe what would be a bombshell at one table is NBD at another table?

I'm not the PP but respectfully and sincerely, the way the PP chose to tell his/her family is their business. Like everyone here, he shared his story and whether he waited 2 or 3 months is not, IMHO, not a lifetime.

There must be another reason why this bothers you so much. Different strokes for different folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they had to discuss wanting to change majors with me before doing it.

When you are not paying, you are not in control.

I would absolutely expect them to discuss such an important change with me. To just change their major and never mention it to us (their parents) would be a huge violation of trust.

I changed from pre-med to another major when I was in college many years ago. I was 19 going on 20, and I did not discuss my decision to change majors with my parents. I went to a state school on full scholarship, and I had a part-time job, not living at home. I did, however, mention it over Thanksgiving dinner that Junior year because I love them and thought they'd want to know about the important decision I made for MY life. They were surprised and would have preferred I go to medical school but realized they really had no choice in the matter. Changing majors was the smartest thing I could've done nor have I ever regretted my decision.

Honestly, I agree that it is their life and ultimately they get to choose what is good and right for them. However, if one of my kids made an important decision like that and waited months to tell me about it I would feel really hurt and misled. I would be very sad that they kept me out of the loop like that and that would be true regardless of who was footing the bill for the tuition.

Just because you had every right to make that decision all by yourself and to keep your parents in the dark about it doesn't mean that it was a kind or considerate thing for you to do.

First, I will not be castigated by a stranger who comes to conclusions based on a few sentences. For your information, I changed my major in September of that year and waited two months while the whole family was in place to talk about my decision. Unlike your expectation of your children, I put my ducks in a row and gathered all my information and a plan before blurting out my news. A plan is the mature way to go.

If one of your kids waited months to tell you, I would certainly understand why. If you have this kind of reaction and accusatory attitude towards a stranger based on little information, I dread to think of the reaction you would exhibit to your children who just blurted it out.

I actually didn't question your judgement with regards to changing your major and of course all I know about your situation is what you posted here. I don't know you. But I can tell you that most parents would be really unhappy to be informed of this decision in the way that you chose to inform your parents about your decision. You DID wait months to tell them about it and when you did tell them it was at a holiday dinner surrounded by other family members. I really can not imagine why you chose that particular moment in time to drop a bombshell like that on your folks but if they were good with that then that is the important thing - maybe what would be a bombshell at one table is NBD at another table?

I'm not the PP but respectfully and sincerely, the way the PP chose to tell his/her family is their business. Like everyone here, he shared his story and whether he waited 2 or 3 months is not, IMHO, not a lifetime.

There must be another reason why this bothers you so much. Different strokes for different folks.

It was a conversation about whether or not we (parents) expect our kids to discuss changing majors. I said that, yes, I would be upset if my kids changed majors w/o even talking to us (their parents) about it. PP then jumped in with his/her story about changing out of premed w/o telling his/her parents and announcing this major change at Thanksgiving dinner surrounded by all the other family members. I can't imagine that most parents would appreciate being told something like that - not only after the fact but at a family gathering. But, like you said, Different Strokes for Different folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they had to discuss wanting to change majors with me before doing it.

When you are not paying, you are not in control.

I would absolutely expect them to discuss such an important change with me. To just change their major and never mention it to us (their parents) would be a huge violation of trust.

I changed from pre-med to another major when I was in college many years ago. I was 19 going on 20, and I did not discuss my decision to change majors with my parents. I went to a state school on full scholarship, and I had a part-time job, not living at home. I did, however, mention it over Thanksgiving dinner that Junior year because I love them and thought they'd want to know about the important decision I made for MY life. They were surprised and would have preferred I go to medical school but realized they really had no choice in the matter. Changing majors was the smartest thing I could've done nor have I ever regretted my decision.

Honestly, I agree that it is their life and ultimately they get to choose what is good and right for them. However, if one of my kids made an important decision like that and waited months to tell me about it I would feel really hurt and misled. I would be very sad that they kept me out of the loop like that and that would be true regardless of who was footing the bill for the tuition.

Just because you had every right to make that decision all by yourself and to keep your parents in the dark about it doesn't mean that it was a kind or considerate thing for you to do.

First, I will not be castigated by a stranger who comes to conclusions based on a few sentences. For your information, I changed my major in September of that year and waited two months while the whole family was in place to talk about my decision. Unlike your expectation of your children, I put my ducks in a row and gathered all my information and a plan before blurting out my news. A plan is the mature way to go.

If one of your kids waited months to tell you, I would certainly understand why. If you have this kind of reaction and accusatory attitude towards a stranger based on little information, I dread to think of the reaction you would exhibit to your children who just blurted it out.

I actually didn't question your judgement with regards to changing your major and of course all I know about your situation is what you posted here. I don't know you. But I can tell you that most parents would be really unhappy to be informed of this decision in the way that you chose to inform your parents about your decision. You DID wait months to tell them about it and when you did tell them it was at a holiday dinner surrounded by other family members. I really can not imagine why you chose that particular moment in time to drop a bombshell like that on your folks but if they were good with that then that is the important thing - maybe what would be a bombshell at one table is NBD at another table?

I'm not the PP but respectfully and sincerely, the way the PP chose to tell his/her family is their business. Like everyone here, he shared his story and whether he waited 2 or 3 months is not, IMHO, not a lifetime.

There must be another reason why this bothers you so much. Different strokes for different folks.

It was a conversation about whether or not we (parents) expect our kids to discuss changing majors. I said that, yes, I would be upset if my kids changed majors w/o even talking to us (their parents) about it. PP then jumped in with his/her story about changing out of premed w/o telling his/her parents and announcing this major change at Thanksgiving dinner surrounded by all the other family members. I can't imagine that most parents would appreciate being told something like that - not only after the fact but at a family gathering. But, like you said, Different Strokes for Different folks.

No one, absolutely no one, has a monopoly on who can 'jump' in and voice an opinion in this or any other forum. Nor does anyone have a 'perfect' solution to anyone's situation. I see that a lot in this forum, i.e., someone is dumb because they choose to send their kid to a particular school, someone doesn't understand why your child isn't acing the SAT, etc, etc. I think we should all understand that one size does NOT fit all. That's just my two cents as I've been on the receiving end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're adults. You helicopter parents need to back off. It's not your life.

Wrong. My 17 was NOT an adult. Not legally. But more importantly, not maturity wise. And again, if they are adults, why am *I* paying? Real adults pay for themselves.

You chose to pay. You can tell your kid that you aren't paying. You just won't, because you like the control.

Real adults accept the results of their own choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not pay for a pointless easy degree.

Pointing out the (potentially) obvious here: different things are "easy" for different people, and many of us with "pointless" degrees do actually use them in our real adult lives. In any case, college is not necessarily vocational, and shouldn't be looked at purely in that light.

If they're at an Ivy, sure, they can concentrate in whatever they want. If they're at some mid-tier college, they need to study something tough. End of story.

But what qualifies as "tough"?

If math comes easily to a person, engineering or physics might not be very tough. If someone is not a good writer or not good at reading analytically, an English or history major might be pretty darn tough. The difficulty of a major depends a lot on the student's skills and talents.

I think kids should pick a major in a subject they're good at, but if they're good at something, it won't be tough. So I'm curious as to how you're defining "tough" in the context of choosing a major.

I agree with this. We had a ton of kids drop out of our major (theatre) because they thought it would be easy. Like we'd just be putting on plays like Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney, or we'd be practicing makeup all day or something. When they found that it wasn't "easy," off they went to study accounting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a delicate issue. If there was no parental or societal or peer pressure, wouldn't most teens pursue easy majors?

Seriously? Um, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're adults. You helicopter parents need to back off. It's not your life.

Wrong. My 17 was NOT an adult. Not legally. But more importantly, not maturity wise. And again, if they are adults, why am *I* paying? Real adults pay for themselves.

You chose to pay. You can tell your kid that you aren't paying. You just won't, because you like the control.

Real adults accept the results of their own choices.

I told my 17-year old DD that I would not pay if elected a co-ed dorm roommate. That is the only ground rule I imposed. Fortunately, DD said ewwwwww so we are in agreement. DD also said she did not want a co-ed bathroom and would like to brush her teeth in her underwear if she wanted so I know where her head is at.

I will mention if she wants to change her major, give a shout out and we can discuss if she'd like. No way am I going to browbeat her as she is already firm about minoring in computer science. I don't care what she majors in since she's got a solid backup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're adults. You helicopter parents need to back off. It's not your life.

Wrong. My 17 was NOT an adult. Not legally. But more importantly, not maturity wise. And again, if they are adults, why am *I* paying? Real adults pay for themselves.

You chose to pay. You can tell your kid that you aren't paying. You just won't, because you like the control.

Real adults accept the results of their own choices.

I told my 17-year old DD that I would not pay if elected a co-ed dorm roommate. That is the only ground rule I imposed. Fortunately, DD said ewwwwww so we are in agreement. DD also said she did not want a co-ed bathroom and would like to brush her teeth in her underwear if she wanted so I know where her head is at.

I will mention if she wants to change her major, give a shout out and we can discuss if she'd like. No way am I going to browbeat her as she is already firm about minoring in computer science. I don't care what she majors in since she's got a solid backup.

Let me make *bolded* clearer. I will not pay if DD chooses a male roommate in a two-person or three-person, etc, room. As I said, the response was ewwwwww!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a delicate issue. If there was no parental or societal or peer pressure, wouldn't most teens pursue easy majors?

Seriously? Um, no.

My neighbor's kid has a full ride (tuition, room, and board) scholarship and is majoring in electrical engineering, minoring in math. So, he doesn't seem to be going the easy route. Although, he loves math and is really good at it, so maybe he did pick easy (for him) subjects to concentrate in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they had to discuss wanting to change majors with me before doing it.

When you are not paying, you are not in control.

I would absolutely expect them to discuss such an important change with me. To just change their major and never mention it to us (their parents) would be a huge violation of trust.

I changed from pre-med to another major when I was in college many years ago. I was 19 going on 20, and I did not discuss my decision to change majors with my parents. I went to a state school on full scholarship, and I had a part-time job, not living at home. I did, however, mention it over Thanksgiving dinner that Junior year because I love them and thought they'd want to know about the important decision I made for MY life. They were surprised and would have preferred I go to medical school but realized they really had no choice in the matter. Changing majors was the smartest thing I could've done nor have I ever regretted my decision.

Honestly, I agree that it is their life and ultimately they get to choose what is good and right for them. However, if one of my kids made an important decision like that and waited months to tell me about it I would feel really hurt and misled. I would be very sad that they kept me out of the loop like that and that would be true regardless of who was footing the bill for the tuition.

Just because you had every right to make that decision all by yourself and to keep your parents in the dark about it doesn't mean that it was a kind or considerate thing for you to do.

First, I will not be castigated by a stranger who comes to conclusions based on a few sentences. For your information, I changed my major in September of that year and waited two months while the whole family was in place to talk about my decision. Unlike your expectation of your children, I put my ducks in a row and gathered all my information and a plan before blurting out my news. A plan is the mature way to go.

If one of your kids waited months to tell you, I would certainly understand why. If you have this kind of reaction and accusatory attitude towards a stranger based on little information, I dread to think of the reaction you would exhibit to your children who just blurted it out.

I actually didn't question your judgement with regards to changing your major and of course all I know about your situation is what you posted here. I don't know you. But I can tell you that most parents would be really unhappy to be informed of this decision in the way that you chose to inform your parents about your decision. You DID wait months to tell them about it and when you did tell them it was at a holiday dinner surrounded by other family members. I really can not imagine why you chose that particular moment in time to drop a bombshell like that on your folks but if they were good with that then that is the important thing - maybe what would be a bombshell at one table is NBD at another table?

I'm not the PP but respectfully and sincerely, the way the PP chose to tell his/her family is their business. Like everyone here, he shared his story and whether he waited 2 or 3 months is not, IMHO, not a lifetime.

There must be another reason why this bothers you so much. Different strokes for different folks.

It was a conversation about whether or not we (parents) expect our kids to discuss changing majors. I said that, yes, I would be upset if my kids changed majors w/o even talking to us (their parents) about it. PP then jumped in with his/her story about changing out of premed w/o telling his/her parents and announcing this major change at Thanksgiving dinner surrounded by all the other family members. I can't imagine that most parents would appreciate being told something like that - not only after the fact but at a family gathering. But, like you said, Different Strokes for Different folks.

No one, absolutely no one, has a monopoly on who can 'jump' in and voice an opinion in this or any other forum. Nor does anyone have a 'perfect' solution to anyone's situation. I see that a lot in this forum, i.e., someone is dumb because they choose to send their kid to a particular school, someone doesn't understand why your child isn't acing the SAT, etc, etc. I think we should all understand that one size does NOT fit all. That's just my two cents as I've been on the receiving end.

True enough. Seriously we all have our own opinions on this and we all have our own family dynamics. *I* personally think that it is far preferable for a kid to give their parents a heads up about a major change in college. I just do.

I don't think that changing a major is unusual nor is it that big of a deal as long as it's being done for the right reasons and with a solid plan in mind. But as a parent I would appreciate a heads up about a major change and I would hope to understand the reasoning for making the change BEFORE the decision was set in stone. But that's just me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or can they pursue whatever major they want? I heard a story of a pre-med kid changing to the far easier and less marketable gender studies ... the parents didn't know until junior year when the daughter informed them she was not preparing for MCAT or medical school. Yikes.

NP.
Answer: over my dead body. I need more communicATION than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're adults. You helicopter parents need to back off. It's not your life.

how about if i "back off" on paying the tuition and living costs as well then?

That's a great idea. Heaven forbid they learn to make it on their like a real adult!