Is your child expected to notify you of a major change?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they had to discuss wanting to change majors with me before doing it.

When you are not paying, you are not in control.

I would absolutely expect them to discuss such an important change with me. To just change their major and never mention it to us (their parents) would be a huge violation of trust.

I changed from pre-med to another major when I was in college many years ago. I was 19 going on 20, and I did not discuss my decision to change majors with my parents. I went to a state school on full scholarship, and I had a part-time job, not living at home. I did, however, mention it over Thanksgiving dinner that Junior year because I love them and thought they'd want to know about the important decision I made for MY life. They were surprised and would have preferred I go to medical school but realized they really had no choice in the matter. Changing majors was the smartest thing I could've done nor have I ever regretted my decision.

Honestly, I agree that it is their life and ultimately they get to choose what is good and right for them. However, if one of my kids made an important decision like that and waited months to tell me about it I would feel really hurt and misled. I would be very sad that they kept me out of the loop like that and that would be true regardless of who was footing the bill for the tuition.

Just because you had every right to make that decision all by yourself and to keep your parents in the dark about it doesn't mean that it was a kind or considerate thing for you to do.

First, I will not be castigated by a stranger who comes to conclusions based on a few sentences. For your information, I changed my major in September of that year and waited two months while the whole family was in place to talk about my decision. Unlike your expectation of your children, I put my ducks in a row and gathered all my information and a plan before blurting out my news. A plan is the mature way to go.

If one of your kids waited months to tell you, I would certainly understand why. If you have this kind of reaction and accusatory attitude towards a stranger based on little information, I dread to think of the reaction you would exhibit to your children who just blurted it out.

so it's not exactly the scenario that you first made it out to be.

You in fact planned it out for months so you must have known and expected your parents to be upset as well as you felt you needed to take their reaction and feelings into account. You also felt you needed to have a full plan in place before even discussing.

In other words, you didn't casually mention "hey I am changing my major" and your parents were like 'sure no bfd"
It was more like you knew your parents would be upset and would try and persuade you otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Every penny I spend on college is money I won't have for retirement. Yeah, it is my kid's life, but it is my money.

There's a middle ground here. I hope he doesn't feel the need to hide important things from me, like a switch to a different major.

[Anonymous]

people are acting like the issue is "switching majors."
No. It's that gender studies is a waste of time and money.
My kid can go ahead and waste his/her time and money, fine by me.
But I'm not wasting my money on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like this is a dynamic that gets set well before college. Both my kids actually call to discuss course selection every semester. We sure don't ask them to, but they like some guidance. Sometimes our guidance is to tell them to talk with their advisor.

One DC did change majors, and we did discuss the pros and cons but it was pretty straightforward in the end - DC was getting poor grades in the first course of study and ended up being passionate about and getting good grades in the second so it was a no brainer. That DC ended up in a great graduate school in an unrelated field so it was better to do well than to major in a particular subject.

Yeah, we're in this situation. DC consults, but on her own initiative. She knows she gets to decide but she wants to make good decisions, so she likes to talk through her options with us. Undoubtedly she talks to others (advisors, friends, teachers) as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:people are acting like the issue is "switching majors."
No. It's that gender studies is a waste of time and money.
My kid can go ahead and waste his/her time and money, fine by me.
But I'm not wasting my money on that.

Well, then the question isn't the one originally asked but "would you refuse to continue paying for college if your kid decided to pursue a major you disapprove of?"

No. But then I recognize that college education often isn't vocational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:people are acting like the issue is "switching majors."
No. It's that gender studies is a waste of time and money.
My kid can go ahead and waste his/her time and money, fine by me.
But I'm not wasting my money on that.

Maybe. But I think that most parents would be hurt to find out that their kid changed from English major to History major, for instance, and didn't even mention it to them, never once talked to them about doing that. When someone asks them what their kid is studying in college and the parent, thinking they know their own kid, proudly says "English" only to find out later that the kid wasn't studying English at all....that would be kind of lousy.

I once knew a lady who used to talk about her daughter being in med school. I (and I think most people) assumed that the young woman was studying to become a doctor. Later on (maybe a year or so), the mom mentioned that her daughter was in med school to become a physical therapist.