Reply to Is your child expected to notify you of a major change?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, they had to discuss wanting to change majors with me before doing it.

When you are not paying, you are not in control.[/quote]

I would absolutely expect them to discuss such an important change with me.  To just change their major and never mention it to us (their parents) would be a huge violation of trust.  [/quote]I changed from pre-med to another major when I was in college many years ago.  I was 19 going on 20, and I did not discuss my decision to change majors with my parents.  I went to a state school on full scholarship, and I had a part-time job, not living at home.  I did, however, mention it over Thanksgiving dinner that Junior year because I love them and thought they'd want to know about the important decision I made for MY life.  They were surprised and would have preferred I go to medical school but realized they really had no choice in the matter.  Changing majors was the smartest thing I could've done nor have I ever regretted my decision.[/quote]

Honestly, I agree that it is their life and ultimately they get to choose what is good and right for them.  However, if one of my kids made an important decision like that and waited months to tell me about it I would feel really hurt and misled.  I would be very sad that they kept me out of the loop like that and that would be true regardless of who was footing the bill for the tuition.

Just because you had every right to make that decision all by yourself and to keep your parents in the dark about it doesn't mean that it was a kind or considerate thing for you to do.  [/quote]First, I will not be castigated by a stranger who comes to conclusions based on a few sentences.  For your information, I changed my major in September of that year and waited two months while the whole family was in place to talk about my decision.  Unlike your expectation of your children, I put my ducks in a row and gathered all my information and a plan before blurting out my news.  A plan is the mature way to go.

If one of your kids waited months to tell you, I would certainly understand why.  If you have this kind of reaction and accusatory attitude towards a stranger based on little information, I dread to think of the reaction you would exhibit to your children who just blurted it out. [/quote]

I actually didn't question your judgement with regards to changing your major and of course all I know about your situation is what you posted here.  I don't know you.  But I can tell you that most parents would be really unhappy to be informed of this decision in the way that you chose to inform your parents about your decision.  You DID wait months to tell them about it and when you did tell them it was at a holiday dinner surrounded by other family members.  I really can not imagine why you chose that particular moment in time to drop a bombshell like that on your folks but if they were good with that then that is the important thing - maybe what would be a bombshell at one table is NBD at another table?[/quote]I'm not the PP but respectfully and sincerely, the way the PP chose to tell his/her family is their business.  Like everyone here, he shared his story and whether he waited 2 or 3 months is not, IMHO, not a lifetime.

There must be another reason why this bothers you so much.  Different strokes for different folks.[/quote]

It was a conversation about whether or not we (parents) expect our kids to discuss changing majors.  I said that, yes, I would be upset if my kids changed majors w/o even talking to us (their parents) about it. [b] PP then jumped in with his/her story[/b] about changing out of premed w/o telling his/her parents and announcing this major change at Thanksgiving dinner surrounded by all the other family members.  I can't imagine that most parents would appreciate being told something like that - not only after the fact but at a family gathering.  But, like you said, Different Strokes for Different folks.

[/quote]No one, absolutely no one, has a monopoly on who can 'jump' in and voice an opinion in this or any other forum.  Nor does anyone have a 'perfect' solution to anyone's situation.  I see that a lot in this forum, i.e., someone is dumb because they choose to send their kid to a particular school, someone doesn't understand why your child isn't acing the SAT, etc, etc.  I think we should all understand that one size does NOT fit all.  That's just my two cents as I've been on the receiving end.[/quote]

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