1st grader turning down birthday party invites

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, parents today create problems by hosting a party every year and inviting almost everyone they know. If my kid was invited to only a handful of parties a year for close friends, he would probably go. But he gets invited to easily 20-25 parties a year for current classmates, former classmates, friends from outside of school, etc. It's exhausting and I let him decide which ones to attend.

I really feel strongly about not teaching kids the concept of social obligation when it comes to some random kid in their class. Family, yes. Kids at school, no.

I think less of you then.

Different PP that second PP is responding to.

Both of these problems are actually the fault of schools who hold the policy that you invite all or none or siimilar policies in the name of not excluding children. If the parents or birthday child wants to invite a handful of children from school, but don't otherwise have contact information for those friends, in order to deliver invitations at school, parents have to invite the whole class. My children are in a class of 20 kids. We have friends from their last school and friends of ours who have similar age kids. All told, we end up inviting about 28-30 kids, 2/3 of whom are in their class. If left to us, we'd invite about 8 or 9 of those and have a party for under 20. But we follow school policy and invite the entire class.

Once a school places that type of restriction on families, then I no longer feel a social obligation to every child in the classroom and I don't teach my children that obligation. If it is a child that I know that they play with or socialize with, then I do teach them a sense of social obligation. But for the kid in class whom my child has never mentioned in months of talk about their class? No, not really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, parents today create problems by hosting a party every year and inviting almost everyone they know. If my kid was invited to only a handful of parties a year for close friends, he would probably go. But he gets invited to easily 20-25 parties a year for current classmates, former classmates, friends from outside of school, etc. It's exhausting and I let him decide which ones to attend.

I really feel strongly about not teaching kids the concept of social obligation when it comes to some random kid in their class. Family, yes. Kids at school, no.

I think less of you then.

Different PP that second PP is responding to.

Both of these problems are actually the fault of schools who hold the policy that you invite all or none or siimilar policies in the name of not excluding children. If the parents or birthday child wants to invite a handful of children from school, but don't otherwise have contact information for those friends, in order to deliver invitations at school, parents have to invite the whole class. My children are in a class of 20 kids. We have friends from their last school and friends of ours who have similar age kids. All told, we end up inviting about 28-30 kids, 2/3 of whom are in their class. If left to us, we'd invite about 8 or 9 of those and have a party for under 20. But we follow school policy and invite the entire class.

Once a school places that type of restriction on families, then I no longer feel a social obligation to every child in the classroom and I don't teach my children that obligation. If it is a child that I know that they play with or socialize with, then I do teach them a sense of social obligation. But for the kid in class whom my child has never mentioned in months of talk about their class? No, not really.

Wow, I didn't realize schools have these policies. That's obnoxious. I don't think our ES does, but we also don't have to distribute invitations at school. Our school uses an app-based directory for contact information and room parents also circulate contact lists. So you have email addresses of the kids you want to invite and everyone just uses electronic invitations.