DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:... Like my DH always wants to downsize eat food from a can and live in a cabin in the woods. Not realistic. But.

Sounds like me sometimes...dreaming. I know its not realistic, but, still nice to discuss.

[Anonymous]

1% problems.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm concerned for your husband's mental health because "taking time off" is not the sign of a mentally healthy person. There are always things we don't want to do and times we don't want to do them. I didn't want to go grocery shopping yesterday, but I did. Then we (my kids and I) had the rest of the day to enjoy ourselves. I don't have any problem with your husband wanting to retire, though if he wants to work part-time, he'll need to set that up before he retires. I also have no problem with him wanting to live somewhere else,... I'm personally not a fan of the term down sizing, I see it as a path to decline. Your husband needs to figure out what he*does* want, not what he doesn't want. He also needs to figure out how to "take time off" in the moments and hours we all have. Is there a show or festival he wants to go to? Would he enjoy reading outside? What about going on a day trip or an overnight?

[Anonymous]

How is "downsizing" a path to decline. If you no longer need the bigger house because the kids are out of the house, why not sell and buy something less expensive? Makes sense to me. Signed a DH.

[Anonymous]

I may be projecting, but you sound a bit like me. I put everything on hold to be the SAHM when they were little and then the default parent in a flexible job as they got older. DH focused on career and got ahead. Along the way there were lots of luxuries for him (suits he needed for work, golf retreats he needed for networking, scotch nights with the boys he needed to recharge, etc., while most of the luxuries that were "for me" were things like a nice car (to drive the kids around) a part-time sitter (when I had 3 under 4 and was trying to find time to be with each kid one-on-one while nursing and handling all household errands and projects, etc. As my career is finally getting back on track, I am really enjoying being able to indulge myself, and if DH announced that we as a household should be done with luxuries so that he can retire, I would be very annoyed. The way I see it, we were BOTH contributing to the family during those years, but only he reaped the personal-indulgence benefit most of the time (and truly, I was fine with it then), so now it's time fornus to both work but I get to indulge a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been married for 20 years. DH is 55, me 44. Our last child will be leaving for college in the fall. DH says once DD is gone, he would like to downsize the house, declutter, and move to one of our smaller rental properties in the area. He also says he thinks is time for him to quit his job and take some time off. After 20 years of supporting a wife and family, he says he's burnt out. However, I resent he thinks I should keep working. I've only been able to really rests lush myself in my career and just gained a six figure income for the first time. I would like to to treat myself to some nice things, like a new car, maybe some brand name fashion items, etc.

DH is eligible to retire now, and would net some money from his Federal pension. Selling the house would save $2500 per month and we would net about $300K from the sale. His pension would bring in $2600 per month, and he says he could do some part time work to add to his income. I make about $115K per year.

I think he is being childish and selfish and needs to buck up for another 10 years or do.

glad you are not my wife. are you trying to kill your dh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been married for 20 years. DH is 55, me 44. Our last child will be leaving for college in the fall. DH says once DD is gone, he would like to downsize the house, declutter, and move to one of our smaller rental properties in the area. He also says he thinks is time for him to quit his job and take some time off. After 20 years of supporting a wife and family, he says he's burnt out. However, I resent he thinks I should keep working. I've only been able to really rests lush myself in my career and just gained a six figure income for the first time. I would like to to treat myself to some nice things, like a new car, maybe some brand name fashion items, etc.

DH is eligible to retire now, and would net some money from his Federal pension. Selling the house would save $2500 per month and we would net about $300K from the sale. His pension would bring in $2600 per month, and he says he could do some part time work to add to his income. I make about $115K per year.

I think he is being childish and selfish and needs to buck up for another 10 years or do.

glad you are not my wife. are you trying to kill your dh?

Well let me ask the obvious. If a man has support a family for decades and wants to downsize - smaller house, smaller cars, less stressful job, does he have the "right" to do that if his role has taken a toll on him? I would really love to get answers from non-troll women on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been married for 20 years. DH is 55, me 44. Our last child will be leaving for college in the fall. DH says once DD is gone, he would like to downsize the house, declutter, and move to one of our smaller rental properties in the area. He also says he thinks is time for him to quit his job and take some time off. After 20 years of supporting a wife and family, he says he's burnt out. However, I resent he thinks I should keep working. I've only been able to really rests lush myself in my career and just gained a six figure income for the first time. I would like to to treat myself to some nice things, like a new car, maybe some brand name fashion items, etc.

DH is eligible to retire now, and would net some money from his Federal pension. Selling the house would save $2500 per month and we would net about $300K from the sale. His pension would bring in $2600 per month, and he says he could do some part time work to add to his income. I make about $115K per year.

I think he is being childish and selfish and needs to buck up for another 10 years or do.

glad you are not my wife. are you trying to kill your dh?

Well let me ask the obvious. If a man has support a family for decades and wants to downsize - smaller house, smaller cars, less stressful job, does he have the "right" to do that if his role has taken a toll on him? I would really love to get answers from non-troll women on this one.

Yes, he has right to live his life. He should not sacrifice his life just because you want to maintain certain life style. OP sounds like a heartless person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been married for 20 years. DH is 55, me 44. Our last child will be leaving for college in the fall. DH says once DD is gone, he would like to downsize the house, declutter, and move to one of our smaller rental properties in the area. He also says he thinks is time for him to quit his job and take some time off. After 20 years of supporting a wife and family, he says he's burnt out. However, I resent he thinks I should keep working. I've only been able to really rests lush myself in my career and just gained a six figure income for the first time. I would like to to treat myself to some nice things, like a new car, maybe some brand name fashion items, etc.

DH is eligible to retire now, and would net some money from his Federal pension. Selling the house would save $2500 per month and we would net about $300K from the sale. His pension would bring in $2600 per month, and he says he could do some part time work to add to his income. I make about $115K per year.

I think he is being childish and selfish and needs to buck up for another 10 years or do.

glad you are not my wife. are you trying to kill your dh?

Well let me ask the obvious. If a man has support a family for decades and wants to downsize - smaller house, smaller cars, less stressful job, does he have the "right" to do that if his role has taken a toll on him? I would really love to get answers from non-troll women on this one.

Yes, he has right to live his life. He should not sacrifice his life just because you want to maintain certain life style. OP sounds like a heartless person.

+1 absolutely!

[Anonymous]

I agree with you. Your H needs to keep working till retirement age.

[Anonymous]

He needs to ask for a leave of absence/sabbatical, and then you can reassess in 6 months.

OP, the age difference is biting you here, too. I suspect that 10 years from now, you will understand where he's coming from.

[Anonymous]

My parents were in this situation. My dad wanted to wind down, work less, retire and volunteer. He pushed downsizing into their rental condo in DC. My mother was in the opposite spot, her career took off right at 55 and enjoyed her large house even though we all went to college or were working. The result? They got divorced, my mother is living the life she wants with a boyfriend, etc. and my father is living in the DC condo with a woman and both are happy but it took looking at their future and seeing that they wanted different things and were done raising us that sparked the decision, I think.

[Anonymous]

Compromise. You both work five more years then retire. Together. Like a married couple should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you. Your H needs to keep working till retirement age.

Op said he is eligible to retire now.

[Anonymous]

Op ~ you're not going to now how it is until you live it. I just don't think you can (you're not allowed) to say, "no you're not going to live your life this way". He has power over his own life. Everyone does. If you can't support the life you want through your own efforts, then you have no choice but to go along. That said, I know it's scary and unknown. Again, you don't really know how it's going to be until you live it. And there may be aspects that eventually you are thankful for.