Husband won't let me comfort him. I don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound well-meaning but insufferable. Have you experienced a loss? I'm guessing not. Your grip is way too tight.

[Anonymous]

I've been on both sides of this, as someone who lost a parent and whose spouse also lost a parent. A month out is NOT very long to still be in the thick of grieving. As a PP said, that's when reality sinks in for many of us. When my DH lost his father, he shut me out for a a few months. He was on autopilot - just doing what he needed to do to get through the day at work and he had nothing left by the time he got home. He didn't want me checking in with him or asking him how he was feeling. If I pushed even slightly, he snapped at me. And honestly, I think all of this is normal! I didn't want to field questions about how I was feeling when I lost my mom either, and for a while, I was so irritable with everything and everyone around me.

OP, I know it's hard being the spouse of someone who is grieving such a significant loss. It's such a helpless feeling. But at the end of the day, you have to remember it's not about you. I know you really want to understand what he's going through and make him feel better, but you can't. And you can't take any of this personally. It's understandable to be worried about him, but keep it to yourself for now. Give him his distance and then give him more. It's not fair to hold your DH to what he told you he'd need before his mother actually died. He may have thought he knew how it would affect him, but you can never truly know how you are going to feel until it happens. So take your cues from what he's telling you now (either verbally or by his actions) about what he needs. Give him space, go about your daily life and just be there when he finally comes back around. He may not want to discuss it even then. It might take him a few years to be able to open up about it. There are 7 stages of grief and everyone goes through them at different speeds. You just have to give it time.

[Anonymous]

Let him deal with his grief in his own way. For some people this means being alone, antisocial, ect. It doesn't mean he needs to seek counseling. Ask him to tell you if he's thinking about hurting himself, then back off 100%.

[Anonymous]

It is ok that he wants to be alone.

It is also ok that you do. It want to be around him when he acts this way. Give him some space for a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

It's really easy to say in advance how you're going to handle something. But it's impossible to know what you want until it's happening. Let go of the idea that at some point he told you how he wanted you to handle it. Now that he's going through it, listen to what he's saying NOW. He knows you are there for him and that's enough.