Making the choice to stay after an EA

[Anonymous]

OP, this is a wrong place to ask for advice. This forum is full of dried up unwanted wives whose husbands would have left a long time ago if it weren't so darn expensive!

Let me join one PP in asking you: Why are you choosing this torture for yourself and your family? It's clear the relationship with your husband played itself out, and it's time for both of you to reassess what you want from life and from each other. For most people in your boat, a respectful co-parenting relationship is the best possible outcome. Honestly, once the feelings are gone, they're gone. You love DH as a friend and the father of your children, but please don't waste your lives trying to pretend you can get your relationship back. It's gone, and it's time to look ahead instead of trying to revive this dead horse.

[Anonymous]

Well, one thing you have going for you is men are much more likely to forgive an emotional connection rather than a physical one.

I had an EA. It sucked when it ended because there was a person who I was talking to all day, every day, and then the next day, they were gone. It was sad and depressing.

Explaining an EA does not equal excusing it. People on here project their issues so quickly.

[Anonymous]

Op you are trying to have your cake and eat it too. You know if a man had an emotional I would him a scumbag. I believe in equality, so that makes you an awful person too. You can justify your actions all you want and go to all therapy sessions but in the end, you knowingly and willingly betrayed your husband because you are selfish and self-centered. It's the ugly truth. The ultimate act of betrayal. You always have the free will not to have the affair but chose to anyway. Trust and respect is gone. If I were him I would stick around for the free sex while I find someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you are trying to have your cake and eat it too. You know if a man had an emotional I would him a scumbag. I believe in equality, so that makes you an awful person too. You can justify your actions all you want and go to all therapy sessions but in the end, you knowingly and willingly betrayed your husband because you are selfish and self-centered. It's the ugly truth. The ultimate act of betrayal. You always have the free will not to have the affair but chose to anyway. Trust and respect is gone. If I were him I would stick around for the free sex while I find someone else.

That was not the ultimate act of betrayal, for f's sake. It was betrayal. But there was no touching. I'd certainly say an affair that was both physical and emotional is much worse.

And maybe even then not the ultimate act of betrayal. Ultimate act of betrayal. Puh-lease.

[Anonymous]

Physical affairs are devastating but a sexual EA in which fantasies and pictures are shared, the fact that it stays unconsummated is what makes it even more addictive and harder to break off.
One-night stands end once the deed is done. Not these.

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad that you are going to counseling and that you are committed to this marriage. What a blessing that your husband is working with you to bring healing to your relationship. Honestly, this is all just so encouraging. Remember you are the one who strayed, and yet your husband is willing to work hard to put things back together... I realize that you were unhappy in your relationship; but honestly that is not an excuse. Please try very hard to to understand your husband and what he might be going through right now. Be kind, be patient, and be grateful for his willingness to work this out with you. Please continue counseling until all of the issues are open and dealt with. You have so much to be thankful for!

[Anonymous]

OP: No inappropriate pictures shared, no complaining about spouses. No sexual contact. I would call what we did heavy duty flirting and getting to know each other. Not excusing things here- explaining only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: No inappropriate pictures shared, no complaining about spouses. No sexual contact. I would call what we did heavy duty flirting and getting to know each other. Not excusing things here- explaining only.

NP here. I think you've owned this pretty well. Don't listen to all the haters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you are trying to have your cake and eat it too. You know if a man had an emotional I would him a scumbag. I believe in equality, so that makes you an awful person too. You can justify your actions all you want and go to all therapy sessions but in the end, you knowingly and willingly betrayed your husband because you are selfish and self-centered. It's the ugly truth. The ultimate act of betrayal. You always have the free will not to have the affair but chose to anyway. Trust and respect is gone. If I were him I would stick around for the free sex while I find someone else.

+1. And please, don't call an affair a "mistake." It is hundreds if not thousands of willful lies and deceptions.

[Anonymous]

Im the guy who posted a while back about his wife had engaged in a PA with someone else. It had only been few months but I felt broken and defeated. Granted a PA is different, but the feelings of distrust were high and I didn't know what to do. Counseling will help some, but unless he forgives you there is no way it going to get better. Time heals a bit but that's what it is...time. It will take a long time for that trust to come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im the guy who posted a while back about his wife had engaged in a PA with someone else. It had only been few months but I felt broken and defeated. Granted a PA is different, but the feelings of distrust were high and I didn't know what to do.

You knew what to do. You knew you had to divorce her cheating ass. She is going to cheat on you again if she hasn't already. If you don't get some balls and pull the plug on someone who showed you the ultimate measure of disrespect then you truly are a pathetic broken creature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im the guy who posted a while back about his wife had engaged in a PA with someone else. It had only been few months but I felt broken and defeated. Granted a PA is different, but the feelings of distrust were high and I didn't know what to do.

You knew what to do. You knew you had to divorce her cheating ass. She is going to cheat on you again if she hasn't already. If you don't get some balls and pull the plug on someone who showed you the ultimate measure of disrespect then you truly are a pathetic broken creature.

Great response from a simpleton. When you have kids and adulter y doesn't mean anything in a no-fault state, you still have to face the burden of never seeing your kids and being financially broken. Things aren't black and white. FWIW, doers ruin has to occur before divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im the guy who posted a while back about his wife had engaged in a PA with someone else. It had only been few months but I felt broken and defeated. Granted a PA is different, but the feelings of distrust were high and I didn't know what to do.

You knew what to do. You knew you had to divorce her cheating ass. She is going to cheat on you again if she hasn't already. If you don't get some balls and pull the plug on someone who showed you the ultimate measure of disrespect then you truly are a pathetic broken creature.

Great response from a simpleton. When you have kids and adulter y doesn't mean anything in a no-fault state, you still have to face the burden of never seeing your kids and being financially broken. Things aren't black and white. FWIW, doers ruin has to occur before divorce.

You went Full Retard on that response.

You choose action in order to teach your children how to deal with life’s challenges with dignity and self-respect.

If you choose inaction you teach your children that you are a weak, cowardly chump. Worse than this, you are teaching your spouse the same thing. Remaining with a cheater is the ultimate acknowledgement of low status and low value. And why would they not cheat on a weak, cowardly chump again if they got away with it the first time?