Who here married their best friend?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I understand the question.

I married later (30s). But I had a lot of guy friends and a lot of boyfriends of varying degrees of seriousness.

The guy friends who were just friends were just friends for a reason: there was no attraction. Some of the boyfriends were close friends in addition to being romantic partners. Some were just romantic partners (and that was what I needed for that time in my life).

My husband and I dated when we first met and had a romantic relationship alongside a pretty deep friendship. Eventually we got married.

Is the question geared toward people who were platonic with their now husbands for long stretches of time? Personally, I don't understand that. As I said, I don't see why a guy can't be a friend and a romantic partner. The guys I've known where were friends and just friends were so for a reason.

I had opportunities to marry guys who were great friends and good on paper, but I would've never married someone without a strong romantic/intimate connection to go along with the friendship. I just don't see the point.

I agree with the posters who say that marriage is something different from friendship. It's also something different from a purely physical/romantic relationship. It has elements of both. The marriages I've seen last (happily -- not the ones where they stayed married but seemed unsatisfied) are the ones that had elements of both friendship and more than friendship.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I find the phrase "marrying my best friend" gag inducing. It is right there along with "the love of my live" and the "the right one."

Marriage is not a friendship it is a committed relationship which has some elements of friendship, but also elements of intimacy that are well beyond that of a friendship.

I feel sorry for people who think they are married to their best friend. It sounds a little creepy to me.

I'm sorry that your relationship with your spouse isn't as deep. DH is my best friend and the love of my life. I realize as I get older how rare this truly is, even amongst my friends who are still in love with their spouses.

You just made her gag again (me too).

Me three. Why can't people love their spouses and be happy in their marriage. It is a spouse, not a friend; it is a marriage, not a friendship. Best friend, love of my life, and similar phrases sound as if they were ripped from the pages of a bodice ripper or a soap opera. I guess my question is if your marriage ends, did you lose a friend or a spouse. Did you end a marriage or a friendship. Marriage is at a higher level than friendship, and if you wish to use cutesy names to describe your marriage, so be it.

My spouse is my friend. I'm not getting what is so hard to understand about that or so offensive?
If our marriage ended for whatever reason I would lose both.

Well, the whole idea that your marriage and your love is better than someone else's is really nauseating.

That's your own insecurity and projection talking. I'm married to my best friend doesn't mean our love is better.

If you are married to your best friend, does that mean you can't have a best friend?

I happen to think you can have more than one best friend.

Huh? don't use the term best friend, as it implies the best, as in better than all of the others. You can have more than one close friend or good friend.

Actually, I hate the term best friend anyway. It just sounds juvenile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the phrase "marrying my best friend" gag inducing. It is right there along with "the love of my live" and the "the right one."

Marriage is not a friendship it is a committed relationship which has some elements of friendship, but also elements of intimacy that are well beyond that of a friendship.

I feel sorry for people who think they are married to their best friend. It sounds a little creepy to me.

I'm sorry that your relationship with your spouse isn't as deep. DH is my best friend and the love of my life. I realize as I get older how rare this truly is, even amongst my friends who are still in love with their spouses.

You just made her gag again (me too).

Me three. Why can't people love their spouses and be happy in their marriage. It is a spouse, not a friend; it is a marriage, not a friendship. Best friend, love of my life, and similar phrases sound as if they were ripped from the pages of a bodice ripper or a soap opera. I guess my question is if your marriage ends, did you lose a friend or a spouse. Did you end a marriage or a friendship. Marriage is at a higher level than friendship, and if you wish to use cutesy names to describe your marriage, so be it.

My spouse is my friend. I'm not getting what is so hard to understand about that or so offensive?
If our marriage ended for whatever reason I would lose both.

Well, the whole idea that your marriage and your love is better than someone else's is really nauseating.

That - that's offensive.
And there are many challenges in a long life together. If you haven't had any ' face down flat on the floor I don't think I'll get up for a few days ' challenges as of yet where your live isn't sickeningly sweet and close I would say that you haven't much lived yet.

I'm sorry you're hurting right now PP and mybe you're going through a rough patch in your marriage, and I honestly hope things work out and you feel better. But whatever struggles you are having doesn't give you the right to be nasty to others and crap on their feelings and marriages to make you feel better.

Um, no, no rough patch, no hurting - you're just an idiot!

Like this, right? Though ironically he lost his spouse so there's no marriage to offer comfort, but still, challenging times.
http://www.msn.com/en-us/movies/celebrity/patton-oswalts-emotional-post-about-wife-michelle-mcnamaras-death-102-days-at-the-mercy-of-grief-and-loss-feels-like-102-years/ar-BBv8Z1t?li=BBnbfcL


PP who thinks that her marriage is the best thing compared to everyone else's - are you really married or is this a high school relationship?
Or, maybe married for two years? How old are you?

Where the hell did I say my marriage was better than everyone else's? No one has said that. You and another poster are just out to be nasty who doesn't suscribe to your narrow definition of spouse and friendship.

I shouldn't have to defend myself to you but here it goes.
We're well past high school.
We've been married for 7 years.
In that time we've face him losing his parents back to back a sibling, a nearly fatal car accident for him, a health scare for me, infertility, and a stillborn child. And you know the regular stuff unemployment , moving states, parenting etc.
We have other friends outside of the relationship, but he is my best friend. No comparison. He's my sweetheart
If that offends you too fucking bad.

[Anonymous]

I did ... And now 25+ years later, we have drifted apart through busy-ness, different jobs, hobbies have changed, etc. Still together, but doesn't feel like my best friend anymore.

[Anonymous]

I did...he was my best friend before things turned romantic, and now over 15 years later we're still best friends. I'll never understand why some people get so upset when other people use this phrase to describe their spouse. I feel like anyone who has experienced the awesomeness of that sort of relationship wouldn't criticize it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did...he was my best friend before things turned romantic, and now over 15 years later we're still best friends. I'll never understand why some people get so upset when other people use this phrase to describe their spouse. I feel like anyone who has experienced the awesomeness of that sort of relationship wouldn't criticize it.

I don't get upset. I just think even the term "best friend" is kind of cutesy and sickly sweet. That doesn't mean I haven't experienced "the awesomeness of that sort of relationship." But I hate when people go on and on about that. I think it kind of makes it all sound so Hallmark-esque. That's why people post that it makes them want to vomit.

It strikes me as trite. "I married my best friend!" That's why it annoys me.

That said, my post wasn't so much about that, but the suggestion that you have to be best friends *first* is also kind of narrowminded. It is actually possible for a romantic relationship and a friendship to develop alongside each other.

It's not that I don't know what it is like to be married to a man with whom I share a close and deep friendship. It's that I don't understand this concept of "we were friends for years and then it *turned* romantic." For me, either the chemistry/romance/attraction is there or it isn't. That's not to say you can't be best friends with a lover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, we got naked the first time we hung out, but we quickly became "best friends". We still are, and we are still naked a lot. Over ten years and three kids later.

+1 well, 2nd time for us. But were were super young (20). 16 years, 2 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did...he was my best friend before things turned romantic, and now over 15 years later we're still best friends. I'll never understand why some people get so upset when other people use this phrase to describe their spouse. I feel like anyone who has experienced the awesomeness of that sort of relationship wouldn't criticize it.

I don't get upset. I just think even the term "best friend" is kind of cutesy and sickly sweet. That doesn't mean I haven't experienced "the awesomeness of that sort of relationship." But I hate when people go on and on about that. I think it kind of makes it all sound so Hallmark-esque. That's why people post that it makes them want to vomit.

It strikes me as trite. "I married my best friend!" That's why it annoys me.

That said, my post wasn't so much about that, but the suggestion that you have to be best friends *first* is also kind of narrowminded. It is actually possible for a romantic relationship and a friendship to develop alongside each other.

It's not that I don't know what it is like to be married to a man with whom I share a close and deep friendship. It's that I don't understand this concept of "we were friends for years and then it *turned* romantic." For me, either the chemistry/romance/attraction is there or it isn't. That's not to say you can't be best friends with a lover.

Okay, I guess I missed where it was said that years of friendship had to come first? Or that, in my particular post (PP above) that it took "years" to turn romantic. It sounds like you know exactly how great it is to have a deep romantic relationship with someone who is also a close friend; you just hate the semantics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did...he was my best friend before things turned romantic, and now over 15 years later we're still best friends. I'll never understand why some people get so upset when other people use this phrase to describe their spouse. I feel like anyone who has experienced the awesomeness of that sort of relationship wouldn't criticize it.

I don't get upset. I just think even the term "best friend" is kind of cutesy and sickly sweet. That doesn't mean I haven't experienced "the awesomeness of that sort of relationship." But I hate when people go on and on about that. I think it kind of makes it all sound so Hallmark-esque. That's why people post that it makes them want to vomit.

It strikes me as trite. "I married my best friend!" That's why it annoys me.

That said, my post wasn't so much about that, but the suggestion that you have to be best friends *first* is also kind of narrowminded. It is actually possible for a romantic relationship and a friendship to develop alongside each other.

It's not that I don't know what it is like to be married to a man with whom I share a close and deep friendship. It's that I don't understand this concept of "we were friends for years and then it *turned* romantic." For me, either the chemistry/romance/attraction is there or it isn't. That's not to say you can't be best friends with a lover.

Okay, I guess I missed where it was said that years of friendship had to come first? Or that, in my particular post (PP above) that it took "years" to turn romantic. It sounds like you know exactly how great it is to have a deep romantic relationship with someone who is also a close friend; you just hate the semantics.

No one said that it HAD to be that way. That's just pp's own projection because she's an argumentative, small minded, bitch. With her attitude it's a wonder she's found anything. I sincerely doubt her happiness because no one who is happy puts so much effort into being critical of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the phrase "marrying my best friend" gag inducing. It is right there along with "the love of my live" and the "the right one."

Marriage is not a friendship it is a committed relationship which has some elements of friendship, but also elements of intimacy that are well beyond that of a friendship.

I feel sorry for people who think they are married to their best friend. It sounds a little creepy to me.

I'm sorry that your relationship with your spouse isn't as deep. DH is my best friend and the love of my life. I realize as I get older how rare this truly is, even amongst my friends who are still in love with their spouses.

You just made her gag again (me too).

Me three. Why can't people love their spouses and be happy in their marriage. It is a spouse, not a friend; it is a marriage, not a friendship. Best friend, love of my life, and similar phrases sound as if they were ripped from the pages of a bodice ripper or a soap opera. I guess my question is if your marriage ends, did you lose a friend or a spouse. Did you end a marriage or a friendship. Marriage is at a higher level than friendship, and if you wish to use cutesy names to describe your marriage, so be it.

My spouse is my friend. I'm not getting what is so hard to understand about that or so offensive?
If our marriage ended for whatever reason I would lose both.

Well, the whole idea that your marriage and your love is better than someone else's is really nauseating.

+4