11 yr old boy-is there any point in doing anything?

[Anonymous]

At that age, my family -- we were military -- traveled a lot, mostly with moves; we were moving cross country. I did not care for the scenery. I wanted to do things. Grand Canyon? Meh. Magic Mountain: Awesome.

[Anonymous]

My 11 yr old is about like the OPs son. He defaults to video games. After 2 weeks at camp, he can't wait to play games on the car ride home. But I do take them away for rudeness or just being a PITA in general. He will thank me for lots of things though so all is not lost. If I let him, he would spend all day playing games. So I don't let him.

[Anonymous]

My DS was into video games at 11 too. I am happy to report that couple of years later he doesn't play any video games at all. Stopped all on his own. And that is after "buying" forts, archers, god know what and even staying up at night "defending his realm."

[Anonymous]

What did he act like while he was in Asia? Was he a PITA or engaged and participating? If the latter, then what you just saw was a glimpse of the teenager to come and it has nothing to do with the quality of the trip.

I bet he would tell you that you asked a stupid question...

I can tell you that my family (including my son) cherishes our big summer trips. My son won't help plan or act engaged at all before we go, but once there he's a delight and he remembers the stuff we did. I do try hard to include things that work for his disposition and interest. We did one such trip with other family, and their kids were fairly whiny and only wanted to shop.

Perhaps I am slow on the uptake here, but it surprised me that your 11 year old can turn on the x-box without permission. I keep tighter control than that, even with my 16 year old (who likes gaming but is not addicted).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My tween is shy and a home body. Sibling is a social butterfly and an avid traveler. I push both to be well-rounded so there are times the tween is forced to use her passport. I don't book 21 day, 7 country trips with her because that would be cruel. I find things that are slow-paced and speak her interests, but are just in another culture. She's a foodie, military history buff, and STEM nerd so Europe is engaging and East Asia is a big draw. She would shrivel up and die on a Disney cruise ship through the Caribbean. Too bad, I'd love a deck chair, stack of books, and a paid tween wrangler.

Here's a good trip for this kid: FLANDERS (french and belgian regions)! Paschendahl has a truly great museum. WW1 is everywhere and the anniversaries are now. The food in Belgium can't be beat. Isn't that far away. Quick jaunt from London, and with a rented apartment from AirBnB, only Eyeore couldn't find something amusing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents took me on many expensive overseas vacations growing up and I was so ungrateful. All I did was moan and complain and I still feel so bad. Allow me to apologise on your son's behalf.

Thank you! It sounds like you turned into a nice and reasonable adult. There is hope for my kids!

[Anonymous]

Op here. He's actually my stepson, so I don't have a say on the Xbox situation. He is plugged into that thing all day but DH just says "it's summer ".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He's actually my stepson, so I don't have a say on the Xbox situation. He is plugged into that thing all day but DH just says "it's summer ".

Well then let's step back. The issue here isn't really the kid, is it?

* Be glad you anticipated in helping him see something more than x-box.

* remember what it was like to spend all that time with adults.

* separate put your feelings for your step kid from your assessment of what kind of kid he is.

* not his fault he "ruined" your vacation. (In quotation marks because it isn't clear to me why you would expect to get a vacation without an 11 year old after marrying into the family. I haven't had one of those in decades, because we have a kid and that is that.)

* once I read the word "step" it was all crystal clear. I went on a family vacation with my dad and my stepmom when I was 23. She was detestable to me the whole time. No fun for anyone. (My dad invited me along).

[Anonymous]

Participated. Not anticipated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cut the screen. Your kid is addicted. Not much else matters.

Is this what you want?

This. His dependence on gaming makes real life unable to measure up. How can it? You took him to Asia. On his screen, he gets Asia + aliens. That explode!

-- mom of 12 yr old boy

I disagree that this is about gaming and/or technology. It's because he's approaching puberty. He's testing you by being a smart ass, so don't let him get away with it! He doesn't have to like the trip, but he does have to be respectful to you.

When I was around that age, my parents took me to NYC, San Francisco, New Orleans, etc. I was a raging idiot, storming through Moma because I thought it was "stupid", wanting to just escape my parents in SF, and being concerned only about my hair and what I was wearing in NO.. I recall nothing meaningful from any if those trips - except that teenage angst.

Now that it is after the fact, you can have a calm discussion with him about his response to you.

What was disrespectful? She asked a question; he answered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How sad.

My 10 year old had the opposite reaction when we went to visit family in Japan, and he didn't want to come home!

We visited really cool high-tech museums, stayed at a traditional inn (where you sleep in tatami floors in futons), went on hikes in the mountains, and ate the most delicious food.

Maybe the difference with your situation is that we live a very frugal life usually: he doesn't have a lot of toys, we don't go out, there is very little screen time. In that sense, our trip was a REAL luxury and he appreciated it.

You are a model parent. Kudos to you.