11 yr old boy-is there any point in doing anything?

[Anonymous]

We rented a villa on St Barth's over Christmas. On the beach. With a pool. And a staff. Plenty to do--beach, snorkeling, sailing, beautiful location, blah blah blah.

My son? Talks about how there was a Playstation and giant flatscreen in the villa. Maybe we should have invested in one at home, he'd have been less fascinated by the one on vacation.

Really, you can't win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like some kids described in this thread are simply spoiled, take for granted that their parents have unlimited funds to spend on vacations, and don't feel the need to be appreciative. Being a tween/teen might have nothing to do with it.

[Anonymous]

How sad.

My 10 year old had the opposite reaction when we went to visit family in Japan, and he didn't want to come home!

We visited really cool high-tech museums, stayed at a traditional inn (where you sleep in tatami floors in futons), went on hikes in the mountains, and ate the most delicious food.

Maybe the difference with your situation is that we live a very frugal life usually: he doesn't have a lot of toys, we don't go out, there is very little screen time. In that sense, our trip was a REAL luxury and he appreciated it.

[Anonymous]

You're talking about an age where spending time with your parents is the last thing on earth you would want to do. It doesn't matter really where you vacation. We have temporarily stopped taking family vacations with our three kids, ages 14, 10, and 4. They are all introverts and the stress of packing up, getting somewhere without killing one another and spending too much time on top of one another on a vacation just finally stopped being worth it – at least for now.

Mostly, the tween and the teen want to spend time with their friends and their friends alone. So we do short weekend trips and have a pool membership and invite friends along for them and have sleepovers a lot. I still get to see my kids, they have a lot more fun, and I know their friends and get to hear conversations they have so I stay abreast of things. Ours is considered the "cool" house to go to, and we enjoy it.

We'll go back to family vacations far afield in a year or two. The 4 year old will probably enjoy it more then too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How sad.

My 10 year old had the opposite reaction when we went to visit family in Japan, and he didn't want to come home!

We visited really cool high-tech museums, stayed at a traditional inn (where you sleep in tatami floors in futons), went on hikes in the mountains, and ate the most delicious food.

Maybe the difference with your situation is that we live a very frugal life usually: he doesn't have a lot of toys, we don't go out, there is very little screen time. In that sense, our trip was a REAL luxury and he appreciated it.

10 year old is not a teen.

[Anonymous]

Heheh. On an African safari with a 7 year old. After having seen elephants, giraffes, lions, the lot, and being asked what was his favorite part, he cheerfully answers 'swimming pool!'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How sad.

My 10 year old had the opposite reaction when we went to visit family in Japan, and he didn't want to come home!

We visited really cool high-tech museums, stayed at a traditional inn (where you sleep in tatami floors in futons), went on hikes in the mountains, and ate the most delicious food.

Maybe the difference with your situation is that we live a very frugal life usually: he doesn't have a lot of toys, we don't go out, there is very little screen time. In that sense, our trip was a REAL luxury and he appreciated it.

10 year old is not a teen.

OP's son is 11, not a teen either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How sad.

My 10 year old had the opposite reaction when we went to visit family in Japan, and he didn't want to come home!

We visited really cool high-tech museums, stayed at a traditional inn (where you sleep in tatami floors in futons), went on hikes in the mountains, and ate the most delicious food.

Maybe the difference with your situation is that we live a very frugal life usually: he doesn't have a lot of toys, we don't go out, there is very little screen time. In that sense, our trip was a REAL luxury and he appreciated it.

No. We were actually very poor (a step above food pantries).

Puberty makes kids difficult. I know I was a royal PITA from around age ten or eleven until maybe 15 or 16.

We did temples. A lot of temples. And gardens. So many gardens.

None of those places were interactive in a way a hi tech museum like you took your kid to. I am sure we would have loved that.

Look at it this way. Imaging taking your kid on a two week immersion of historic colonial homes, without the docents entertsining you and without the enrichment activities, interactive displays, treasure hunts, etc that our museums and historic homes provide. Then imagine none of the signs or written explainations being in a language you can understand. And you have to be quiet. Very quiet. Maybe you walk through a few gardens too, rose gardens and historical buildings, for two weeks straight.

I don't know what kind of perfect stepford children you all are raising, or how perfectly well behaved you were as a preteen-young teen, but I know that my kids (very well behaved) and all of my friend's kids (also well behaved) would be groaning and eye rolling a few days into a trip like that.

As an adult, I love looking at old buildings and beautiful gardens. As an eleven year old? That kind of intense immersion was just an awful lot of really boring stuff.

[Anonymous]

We just got back from 9 days of hiking, rock climbing, and whitewater rafting, and the INSTANT we got through the door our 10yo DS was on the xbox. It kinda made me laugh. Didn't mean he didn't enjoy the trip though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How sad.

My 10 year old had the opposite reaction when we went to visit family in Japan, and he didn't want to come home!

We visited really cool high-tech museums, stayed at a traditional inn (where you sleep in tatami floors in futons), went on hikes in the mountains, and ate the most delicious food.

Maybe the difference with your situation is that we live a very frugal life usually: he doesn't have a lot of toys, we don't go out, there is very little screen time. In that sense, our trip was a REAL luxury and he appreciated it.

No. We were actually very poor (a step above food pantries).

Puberty makes kids difficult. I know I was a royal PITA from around age ten or eleven until maybe 15 or 16.

We did temples. A lot of temples. And gardens. So many gardens.

None of those places were interactive in a way a hi tech museum like you took your kid to. I am sure we would have loved that.

Look at it this way. Imaging taking your kid on a two week immersion of historic colonial homes, without the docents entertsining you and without the enrichment activities, interactive displays, treasure hunts, etc that our museums and historic homes provide. Then imagine none of the signs or written explainations being in a language you can understand. And you have to be quiet. Very quiet. Maybe you walk through a few gardens too, rose gardens and historical buildings, for two weeks straight.

I don't know what kind of perfect stepford children you all are raising, or how perfectly well behaved you were as a preteen-young teen, but I know that my kids (very well behaved) and all of my friend's kids (also well behaved) would be groaning and eye rolling a few days into a trip like that.

As an adult, I love looking at old buildings and beautiful gardens. As an eleven year old? That kind of intense immersion was just an awful lot of really boring stuff.

PP you were responding to - not sure what to make of your post.
If you paid for a trip this expensive comparative to your income, wouldn't you want to include something for everyone? If you couldn't do something marginally interesting for your kid, then your son's disappointment shouldn't come as a surprise.

Our trip to Japan was close to 15K for 2 weeks. I literally spent months creating an itinerary and pre-selecting activities for nearly every day of our stay. There were quiet temples and gardens, too, which the kids didn't hate but didn't love either. They would have loved to go to Tokyo Disneyland, but we were warned not to go during high season (2hr wait for everything).

[Anonymous]

Were there kids his age there? The things you described sound fun for you, but if it's just you and him, he feels like a third wheel and was bored. I am an only and around the age of 12 I asked to stop going on vacation with my parents and stay behind with my grandparents. My parents chose ritzy places with few kids to meet and there's only so much sitting and reading on the beach you can do. Doesn't help that my parents were sucky travel companions - they both like different kinds of activities, so someone was always griping.

My parents actually agreed, and that's when i started going in the school trips when they came up. - sometimes overseas - instead of tagging along with my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Took son on magnificent trip to Asia to meet distant family. Stayed at amazing hotel, incredible hiking, trip to a lake etc. I asked him his favorite part of the trip, he said "the part where we came home" and hooked onto the Xbox the minute we walked in the door. I know it wasn't a totally teen-boy focused trip but geez. Is there any point in doing stuff like this with a kid this age, or should I have not even bothered, saved money, and gone to, like, six flags instead?

in this case I would roll out a comment my mom used to make about nothing being more ugly than an ungrateful child. Kids need to know when to say thank you even to family who have tried very hard to give something wonderful.

[Anonymous]

OP- How involved was he in the planning? Did he have any say in any of the activities or places you visited? How much did you research together ahead of time? Was he around any children on the trip or mostly adults? Was he able to communicate with anyone besides you on a daily basis? What aspects of the trip were becaue he was interested in something?

[Anonymous]

I went on a student trip to Europe when I was a teen. There were about 65 high schoolers on the trip. We visited 4 countries in 10 days.

We have some free time in Paris. All of us were given the option to go to the Louvre or Hard Rock Cafe. I was the only one who opted for the Louvre. The rest went to buy t-shirts. Kids have kid priorities when traveling.

[Anonymous]

Had*