ILs bought 3 year old an iPad as a "big sister" gift

[Anonymous]

You/your child say thank you.

Your DD gets to use the iPad just like you've already allowed. Personally, I'd let her use the old one and use the new one for me/DH. Just because there's now a second device, your rules don't need to change.

Now, in our house, we don't have a device for kids to use and I don't want to start that habit. We'd still graciously say thank you and the item just would never reappear. Since our grandparent sets live out of town and rarely visit, it wouldn't be an issue of them wanting to see it in use as we don't dedicate their very limited visits to screen time.

[Anonymous]

That was very kind of your ILs, even though I agree it is a pretty over the top gift for a 3 year old, but I wouldn't make too big a deal about it. I would probably just say thank you and implement our usual rules for screen time. Being that she's 3 she probably may not even notice the difference between yours and hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't sweat it. Accept it graciously, set rules as needed with your child, move on with your life.

+1

[Anonymous]

It's easier to just keep it and do what you want with it, than say something to them or expect them to change their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(A) We are getting her a small doll as a gift from baby sister. ILs were aware of this.
(B) ILs know we limit screen time. DD gets to play games on my iPad in the mornings while we get ready and gets to watch one TV show at night while I make dinner. That's enough for her, she never complains when we take it away, she's perfectly happy with what she gets.
(C) She just got a ton of birthday gifts (and still has a few she hasn't opened yet) and baby is due in a week so she really, really doesn't need this.

They already bought it, they just told DH who told me. DH doesn't really care but I think it's major overkill and although I recognize DD is going to have less one on one parent time once the new baby is born, DH is taking a month long paternity leave, I'm taking four months off, my mom will be here for over a month, and we're keeping her in preschool, so she will still get plenty of attention.

This is mostly a vent but a little bit wondering if I can just tell them not to give it to her. I generally have a very good relationship with them. They are obviously very kind and generous people but this is too much. A three year old does not need an iPad!!

Jeez. Seriously? Pick your battles. Take the iPad and then limit or put it away for later. You're the parent, you can do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(A) We are getting her a small doll as a gift from baby sister. ILs were aware of this.
(B) ILs know we limit screen time. DD gets to play games on my iPad in the mornings while we get ready and gets to watch one TV show at night while I make dinner. That's enough for her, she never complains when we take it away, she's perfectly happy with what she gets.
(C) She just got a ton of birthday gifts (and still has a few she hasn't opened yet) and baby is due in a week so she really, really doesn't need this.

They already bought it, they just told DH who told me. DH doesn't really care but I think it's major overkill and although I recognize DD is going to have less one on one parent time once the new baby is born, DH is taking a month long paternity leave, I'm taking four months off, my mom will be here for over a month, and we're keeping her in preschool, so she will still get plenty of attention.

This is mostly a vent but a little bit wondering if I can just tell them not to give it to her. I generally have a very good relationship with them. They are obviously very kind and generous people but this is too much. A three year old does not need an iPad!!

By your own admission, your kid has too much already and you bought a doll. Why start the precident?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why people make fun of our generation.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP, and would find this very annoying. I don't think you can refuse it, but I absolutely agree with PPs who said that your rules should not change, and that you should make it clear to ILs that DD will not get unlimited access to the iPad. Totally an overkill gift, and not developmentally appropriate for a 3 year old.

What rule? The kid plays on an iPad every day already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(A) We are getting her a small doll as a gift from baby sister. ILs were aware of this.
(B) ILs know we limit screen time. DD gets to play games on my iPad in the mornings while we get ready and gets to watch one TV show at night while I make dinner. That's enough for her, she never complains when we take it away, she's perfectly happy with what she gets.
(C) She just got a ton of birthday gifts (and still has a few she hasn't opened yet) and baby is due in a week so she really, really doesn't need this.

They already bought it, they just told DH who told me. DH doesn't really care but I think it's major overkill and although I recognize DD is going to have less one on one parent time once the new baby is born, DH is taking a month long paternity leave, I'm taking four months off, my mom will be here for over a month, and we're keeping her in preschool, so she will still get plenty of attention.

This is mostly a vent but a little bit wondering if I can just tell them not to give it to her. I generally have a very good relationship with them. They are obviously very kind and generous people but this is too much. A three year old does not need an iPad!!

It is a thoughtful and useful gift. Your child uses an ipad twice daily and now will not use your ipad. It would only be an issue with me if you really do not use your ipad. My DD [young adult] has one and doesn't use it nor does DH. All just use phones and laptop-same for my SIL. If you don't use yours tell the inlaws and return the damn thing and get something else. Must be something at Best Buy even if it's a cool new kitchenaid mixer.

[Anonymous]

I'd just say to them that you don't want to waste their hard earned money- that it's unnecessary now but would come in handy at a future date when she's old enough to appreciate it. By then the technology will have changed and you can get something upgraded. I've done this w she's family and had success.

[Anonymous]

OMG why the big deal... this is a win win for you... you take the shitty kids games off your device and put them on the new one. you don't have to worry about your daughter screwing up your i pad...

heck there is probably an app that allows you set use times so it only available during certain hours unless you enter a pass word...

[Anonymous]

I learned the hard way with my own mother not to try and manage the gifts she gives. You can set the rules once the grandparents' give it but they will absolutely find it insulting if you tell them not to give it to her. Not worth damaging the relationship over.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel your pain. My children have two iPads and a touch screen laptop EACH. Grandparents. The best news I have for you is taking away electronics is the best consequence ever. Grandparents have lost their minds!

[Anonymous]

What would I do? I would think "Sweet! A free iPad!" and then allow her to use it in exactly the same way you have already been allowing her to use yours. Done and done. Thanks, Grandma and Grandpa!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I would be annoyed and may even let hormones make me feel like IL is trying to one up me. But children don't know cost/expense, and it can be used for practical purposes of you want or not. Other PPs have given really great comments. Your choice, your rules!

And - I'll bet your daughter will treasure the doll you and her dad are getting for her, especially if you make the presentation special too, and that memory will last years when the iPad technology fades away. Having an elaborate gift from excited grandparents is not too bad of a problem to have in the big picture. =*) Don't fret about this. You're going to be welcoming a new addition soon!

This is really good advice, OP, and so true.