ILs bought 3 year old an iPad as a "big sister" gift

[Anonymous]

Maybe use new grandparent issued iPad as an upgrade for DD and retire DD's existing iPad for the family back-up?

We keep back-up electronics for ILs while they visit from overseas, our au pair, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(A) We are getting her a small doll as a gift from baby sister. ILs were aware of this.
(B) ILs know we limit screen time. DD gets to play games on my iPad in the mornings while we get ready and gets to watch one TV show at night while I make dinner. That's enough for her, she never complains when we take it away, she's perfectly happy with what she gets.
(C) She just got a ton of birthday gifts (and still has a few she hasn't opened yet) and baby is due in a week so she really, really doesn't need this.

They already bought it, they just told DH who told me. DH doesn't really care but I think it's major overkill and although I recognize DD is going to have less one on one parent time once the new baby is born, DH is taking a month long paternity leave, I'm taking four months off, my mom will be here for over a month, and we're keeping her in preschool, so she will still get plenty of attention.

This is mostly a vent but a little bit wondering if I can just tell them not to give it to her. I generally have a very good relationship with them. They are obviously very kind and generous people but this is too much. A three year old does not need an iPad!!

You are being slightly hypocritical. She watches TV every day and plays the iPad every morning. What difference does it make if it is hers or not? Stop complaining about the gift. Your rules won't change, right? She will still get to play in the morning. This is not a hill to die on. Say thanks and keep moving.

[Anonymous]

Do they have iPhones? Is it possible they got it, so they could facetime with her?

[Anonymous]

This is why people make fun of our generation.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP, and would find this very annoying. I don't think you can refuse it, but I absolutely agree with PPs who said that your rules should not change, and that you should make it clear to ILs that DD will not get unlimited access to the iPad. Totally an overkill gift, and not developmentally appropriate for a 3 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be upset too. Tell them that your pediatrician thinks Devices for kids cause ADHD and if they do give it to her you will be severely limiting her use with it until she's 8.

So watching a show on an iPad that belongs to mom would not cause ADHD, but doing the same thing on one purchased by Grandma would?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't sweat it. Accept it graciously, set rules as needed with your child, move on with your life.

+1 -- I know where you're coming from, OP. My kids are in high school, college and grad school now, but many years ago my parents gave our oldest a similarly extravagant gift (or, at least one that I perceived as extravagant), and I made a big fuss about it. I came to regret that and wish I'd had the sense to handle it as PP suggests. That said, if there is a pattern of your in-laws giving gifts that you find inappropriate, then you and your husband need to find a way for him to speak to his parents about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The rules don't need to change OP. When she isn't using it put it up.

Completely agree. This can free up the family iPad for other uses. I don't see the issue here, she can use it in the same parameters she already uses for the family iPad.

[Anonymous]

OP - I would be annoyed and may even let hormones make me feel like IL is trying to one up me. But children don't know cost/expense, and it can be used for practical purposes of you want or not. Other PPs have given really great comments. Your choice, your rules!

And - I'll bet your daughter will treasure the doll you and her dad are getting for her, especially if you make the presentation special too, and that memory will last years when the iPad technology fades away. Having an elaborate gift from excited grandparents is not too bad of a problem to have in the big picture. =*) Don't fret about this. You're going to be welcoming a new addition soon!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(A) We are getting her a small doll as a gift from baby sister. ILs were aware of this.
(B) ILs know we limit screen time. DD gets to play games on my iPad in the mornings while we get ready and gets to watch one TV show at night while I make dinner. That's enough for her, she never complains when we take it away, she's perfectly happy with what she gets.
(C) She just got a ton of birthday gifts (and still has a few she hasn't opened yet) and baby is due in a week so she really, really doesn't need this.

They already bought it, they just told DH who told me. DH doesn't really care but I think it's major overkill and although I recognize DD is going to have less one on one parent time once the new baby is born, DH is taking a month long paternity leave, I'm taking four months off, my mom will be here for over a month, and we're keeping her in preschool, so she will still get plenty of attention.

This is mostly a vent but a little bit wondering if I can just tell them not to give it to her. I generally have a very good relationship with them. They are obviously very kind and generous people but this is too much. A three year old does not need an iPad!!

Just take the iPad. This makes perfect sense as a grandparent gift - she uses your iPad, and now she will have her own. If she doesn't need an iPad, why is she using yours? You will look controlling and ridiculous to say they can't give her something that she already uses every day. If you didn't allow screen time, it would be one thing, but you let her use yours every day. Look at the big picture.

[Anonymous]

OP needs to chill. Parents are so outraged over.. well, it seems everything nowadays. Yes, it's extravagant and not age appropriate, but you can still be gracious about receiving it. Once you have it, do what you want with it. It makes them feel good to give the gift and it is their money to spend. Why do anything to make them feel bad about that?

[Anonymous]

Hi, Op

I would be annoyed too but, as others have said your three old won't really remember if after a few days or a week you quietly put it away. If she asks ( which I doubt) say that you will look for it. On the other hand, wouldn't it be funny if when the grandparents who gave the gift visited you gave your daughter "her" ipad and let them try to get her attention! Maybe they will admit it was a mistake But, maybe not.

[Anonymous]

Don't take who owns it so literally. Consider it another family ipad and use it the same way you already use yours. Why potentially mess up a decent relationship over nothing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to chill. Parents are so outraged over.. well, it seems everything nowadays. Yes, it's extravagant and not age appropriate, but you can still be gracious about receiving it. Once you have it, do what you want with it. It makes them feel good to give the gift and it is their money to spend. Why do anything to make them feel bad about that?

This!

Load skype or whatever so she can talk to grandparents. Load some educational games. Get a safety cover so she doesn't break it. Keep the same rules.

Easy peasy.

If it is cost you are worried about, what if you ask for one of those inexpensive kindle fires instead? They are perfectly sufficient for a preschool or early elementary kid, and cost I think around $50.00

[Anonymous]

This will be OK, if you and DH get on the same page with them about how it will be handled.

1) As a PP said, make sure you have a say in the presentation. If they want to give it in person, make sure it is presented as, "Grandma and Grandpa got us a special iPad, with some fun new games for you. We'll keep it on this shelf, and when it's time for a game or a show, we'll get it down for you."

2) When they visit, I'd make a point to keep it stored on that shelf, not out and about, where they could casually grab it and start up a game or a show without your permission. I'd make the "special shelf" in YOUR closet, where only you and DH can get it.