Is something wrong with him or is he just a brat?

[Anonymous]

I am not the OP, but I want to thank all the PPs who recommended decreasing screen time. It really seems to be helping our 6 year old's behavior.

OP, you have my sincere empathy. I hope it gets better soon! Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He's been pretty good for about a week. At least no more wild and crazy outbursts. Some tears and whining at times, some attempts at not listening, but I try to be consistent with consequences and it seems to be helping.

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to figure out, reading this thread, why I have such a strong negative reaction to the word "brat." I found myself recoiling when people were calling gorilla kid that. I wonder why that word gins up such strong emotion in me? It just seems so horribly glib and disrespectful and patronizing. Why did you choose that word in your subject title, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to figure out, reading this thread, why I have such a strong negative reaction to the word "brat." I found myself recoiling when people were calling gorilla kid that. I wonder why that word gins up such strong emotion in me? It just seems so horribly glib and disrespectful and patronizing. Why did you choose that word in your subject title, OP?

NP. I agree. I think brat is very dismissive and an extremely detached way to describe ones child. It's dehumanizing. This is what turns you off. Anything dehumanizing is the worst kind of descriptor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to figure out, reading this thread, why I have such a strong negative reaction to the word "brat." I found myself recoiling when people were calling gorilla kid that. I wonder why that word gins up such strong emotion in me? It just seems so horribly glib and disrespectful and patronizing. Why did you choose that word in your subject title, OP?

NP. I agree. I think brat is very dismissive and an extremely detached way to describe ones child. It's dehumanizing. This is what turns you off. Anything dehumanizing is the worst kind of descriptor.

Also I think it is because it describes a child, versus a behavior. Bad child versus child who behaves badly. (All kinds behave badly at some point or another, right??)

[Anonymous]

Op here. I may miss some connotations as English is not my first language.
Sometimes my kid behaves in a way that makes me think he is deliberately trying to make me scream and yell and generally lose control. I also sometimes think he is spoiled.
On the good days I can see that he is trying, really trying, but something is "possessing" him.
I am just so tired of the constant battle of wills. I am not super strict, I don't have sky high expectations of him, but he almost never does something when asked nicely, it seems.
I also dread his interactions with most kids in my presence, as there is almost always some kind of unwanted behavior. I am always on high guard.
He likes trying to boss me around when someone else is present. Give it to me! Bring me the toys! I just say that is not the way we talk to each other and don't do what he asks for until he asks nicely, but it happens again and again. It seems like he is upset that "I am the boss of him".
It's probably a phase but I am so tired of this sh.t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I may miss some connotations as English is not my first language.
Sometimes my kid behaves in a way that makes me think he is deliberately trying to make me scream and yell and generally lose control. I also sometimes think he is spoiled.
On the good days I can see that he is trying, really trying, but something is "possessing" him.
I am just so tired of the constant battle of wills. I am not super strict, I don't have sky high expectations of him, but he almost never does something when asked nicely, it seems.
I also dread his interactions with most kids in my presence, as there is almost always some kind of unwanted behavior. I am always on high guard.
He likes trying to boss me around when someone else is present. Give it to me! Bring me the toys! I just say that is not the way we talk to each other and don't do what he asks for until he asks nicely, but it happens again and again. It seems like he is upset that "I am the boss of him".
It's probably a phase but I am so tired of this sh.t.

Sorry, OP. Kids can be so frustrating at this age. He probably is trying to get a reaction out of you - that's the attention he wants!

You should have high expectations and boundaries. There are lots of ways to do this. If he says something to you in a bossy tone just ignore it. Also, do you and your DH talk to each other, or to your DS, like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I may miss some connotations as English is not my first language.
Sometimes my kid behaves in a way that makes me think he is deliberately trying to make me scream and yell and generally lose control. I also sometimes think he is spoiled.
On the good days I can see that he is trying, really trying, but something is "possessing" him.
I am just so tired of the constant battle of wills. I am not super strict, I don't have sky high expectations of him, but he almost never does something when asked nicely, it seems.
I also dread his interactions with most kids in my presence, as there is almost always some kind of unwanted behavior. I am always on high guard.
He likes trying to boss me around when someone else is present. Give it to me! Bring me the toys! I just say that is not the way we talk to each other and don't do what he asks for until he asks nicely, but it happens again and again. It seems like he is upset that "I am the boss of him".
It's probably a phase but I am so tired of this sh.t.

Who's the parent? Sounds like you need to be more strict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I may miss some connotations as English is not my first language.
Sometimes my kid behaves in a way that makes me think he is deliberately trying to make me scream and yell and generally lose control. I also sometimes think he is spoiled.
On the good days I can see that he is trying, really trying, but something is "possessing" him.
I am just so tired of the constant battle of wills. I am not super strict, I don't have sky high expectations of him, but he almost never does something when asked nicely, it seems.
I also dread his interactions with most kids in my presence, as there is almost always some kind of unwanted behavior. I am always on high guard.
He likes trying to boss me around when someone else is present. Give it to me! Bring me the toys! I just say that is not the way we talk to each other and don't do what he asks for until he asks nicely, but it happens again and again. It seems like he is upset that "I am the boss of him".
It's probably a phase but I am so tired of this sh.t.

Who's the parent? Sounds like you need to be more strict.

That is easier said than done. Try not to judge so much... you don't know what it's like to live with this child. Give the OP the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks everyone, I don't also mind tangenial discussions at all!
I am trying to work on increasing sleep bit by bit, but I almost never have to wake him up for school, so I guess he gets more or less enough sleep? I am trying to move bedtime earlier just in case.

I will hold off the elimination of screen time for now. I remember how he was sick and stayed home for a few days and he got even more of it, but was so sweet, and he asked me- let's not go anywhere for a few days?
So maybe he is overscheduled. He loves karate though. Swimming I really want him to continue for safety reasons.
I will think of what I can do to help him recharge. I also don't like it that at school he gets too many treats, it's always either someone's birthday or a party to celebrate something or they have extra free snacks supplied by the school and he always wants to have some.
Thank you everyone for assuring me that he is not spoiled and there isn't anything wrong with him in a big way.

OP!!! Because you mentioned the treats, please consider whether there is a Red Dye rage at play here. Google it. My son is prone to the kind of meltdowns you describe for 24-36 hours after eating candy or snow cone or Gatorade (anything with Red dye in it). It could be your culprit. Eliminate it entirely for a week and you may have a different child. When I discovered this after years of battles it was life-changing for us.

[Anonymous]

To the red dye poster...

I am not the OP, but intrigued by the dye issues. Did you find them all equally harmful, or is one particularly bad? Also, what other foods besides the usual suspects (junk food) did you find them in? Any surprises?

[Anonymous]

Op have you cut back on the screens? It would help.

I also sense you are a very passive parent and he knows he runs that house. Rather than focus entirely on his behavior, maybe read some books or take a class that helps you assert your authority as the parent. That's not coming through in your posts at all.

[Anonymous]

brat

[Anonymous]

OP, do you pay attention when he's being good and doing the things you want? I once got into a horrible cycle with my son where I gave too much attention to negative behaviors, and none to positive behaviors. When working with a child psychologist he said that I needed to find a way to reverse that - your attention is what the child wants so they will get it however they can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you pay attention when he's being good and doing the things you want? I once got into a horrible cycle with my son where I gave too much attention to negative behaviors, and none to positive behaviors. When working with a child psychologist he said that I needed to find a way to reverse that - your attention is what the child wants so they will get it however they can.

+1 for this advice! I have found this approach to be very helpful in managing my elementary classroom and my kids' behavior. Be on the lookout for opportunities to say, "I like the way you xyz-d that. Good job!" Be sincere, but try to find the positive instances.