What am I supposed to do at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another vote for ADHD and testing... as well as an IEP and in school support to help him focus.

It may also be sensory processing disorder.

That said, the teacher needs to manager the classroom - it's the teachers job and not yours.

Exactly this. The teacher needs to manage the classroom. But the teacher also needs to initiate some type of analysis of the behavior. When exactly is the behavior happening? Is it task avoidance? Is it later in the day? Etc. she needs to try to figure out the antecedents. I'm not a teacher so I don't know the language. Some kids sit on special cusions. Some kids get fidgets. Some get a rubber band to kick on their desk. I knew of one kid who needed a seat belt across his lap. It didn't tie him down, but it reminded him, oh yeah I need to sit.

Also, ime, the school will talk with the parents about needing evaluations. This usually occurred after everything above and before daily phone calls.

If I were the mom I would be livid if I kept getting calls without the school coming up with a plan of action. What the fuck is she supposed to do? Go to school and stand next to her kid all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am troubled that everyone is assuming the kid is medically unable to sit in his seat and pay attention, rather than just misbehaving. No one wants to believe a child is just misbehaving, because that might reflect badly on them. Are all bad habits due to a disorder now? So nothing is anyone's fault?

No. But that's why you get him to an expert who can tell the difference.

Kids, in general, want to be good. They don't want to get in trouble. When a kid is behaving like this you need to find out why that is.

I run a Cub Scout pack. If you took all the kids in my pack to their doctor and explain that they can't seem to control themselves, speak out of turn, have trouble following directions, and can't focus well, my guess is that a significant majority of them would walk out with an adhd diagnosis. And it would not be real. I'm not saying ADHD isn't real, but the diagnosis has been so broadly applied that it is becoming meaningless.

People will chime in and say that ADHD drugs have worked wonders for their children, and I'm sure they have. But I'm also sure any average person on the street given stimulants will be able to focus better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am troubled that everyone is assuming the kid is medically unable to sit in his seat and pay attention, rather than just misbehaving. No one wants to believe a child is just misbehaving, because that might reflect badly on them. Are all bad habits due to a disorder now? So nothing is anyone's fault?

No. But that's why you get him to an expert who can tell the difference.

Kids, in general, want to be good. They don't want to get in trouble. When a kid is behaving like this you need to find out why that is.

I run a Cub Scout pack. If you took all the kids in my pack to their doctor and explain that they can't seem to control themselves, speak out of turn, have trouble following directions, and can't focus well, my guess is that a significant majority of them would walk out with an adhd diagnosis. And it would not be real. I'm not saying ADHD isn't real, but the diagnosis has been so broadly applied that it is becoming meaningless.

People will chime in and say that ADHD drugs have worked wonders for their children, and I'm sure they have. But I'm also sure any average person on the street given stimulants will be able to focus better.

Are you a doctor that evaluates kids? If not, you have no knowledge on how a doctor does an evaluation, what the criteria is or how they determine outcomes.

But thanks for that well-informed comment, Cub leader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually found some helpful advice elsewhere. This article articulates the feeling I had about the situation, but couldn't express. It distinguishes between behavioral problems that are functional vs. relational. Functional is something like running in the hallway. Relational is hurting other kids or engaging in other threatening behavior. One should be managed by the teacher, and the other should involve the parents.

https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/acting-out-in-school-when-your-child-is-the-class-troublemaker/

To answer some of the questions, my child has never had behavioral issues before with other teachers. And doesn't have issues with the other teachers like the PE and music teachers. He doesn't have issues in cub scouts or piano lessons. And not at home, either. Just this class, with this teacher. I have worked all year with her. I was just getting sick of the calls and felt there were some things that should be handled in the classroom.

I get what you are saying, but you still have some responsibility with respect to your child's day to day behavior.

I agree that some of it is show she is managing him at school, but some of it is you. My kids know I don't want to hear about their behavior from the teacher. I have one people pleaser and one little shit. The little shit knows that there are consequences if I hear from the teacher, so it is rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am troubled that everyone is assuming the kid is medically unable to sit in his seat and pay attention, rather than just misbehaving. No one wants to believe a child is just misbehaving, because that might reflect badly on them. Are all bad habits due to a disorder now? So nothing is anyone's fault?

No. But that's why you get him to an expert who can tell the difference.

Kids, in general, want to be good. They don't want to get in trouble. When a kid is behaving like this you need to find out why that is.

I run a Cub Scout pack. If you took all the kids in my pack to their doctor and explain that they can't seem to control themselves, speak out of turn, have trouble following directions, and can't focus well, my guess is that a significant majority of them would walk out with an adhd diagnosis. And it would not be real. I'm not saying ADHD isn't real, but the diagnosis has been so broadly applied that it is becoming meaningless.

People will chime in and say that ADHD drugs have worked wonders for their children, and I'm sure they have. But I'm also sure any average person on the street given stimulants will be able to focus better.

Dear Cub Leader,

In my experience, kids go to Scouts at 7 pm after a full day of school and afterschool activities. Of course kids are overtired, overscheduled and off the hizzock by the time you see them. Perhaps you could plan your troop activities to give kids the physical and social outlets they desperately crave.


.

[Anonymous]

Hi,

NP...I agree with the PP who suggested the kid may be bored. Going for testing might reveal all kinds of interesting things, including perhaps a gifted diagnosis. It's so hard to talk about giftedness without sounding entitled-special-snowflakey, but the Nat'l Association for Gifted Children has parent/family resources that might be helpful, including how gifted boys can sometimes veer off track in school b/c they're labeled behavior problems. Good luck to all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a bad teacher issue.

You have 4 weeks to go, just hold your breath and push through.

said the perfect parent

lol!


I am in a position where I deal with many kids who face all sorts of challenges. In 99% of the cases, the blame goes right back to the parents.

Apples, meet your trees!

I put my boys in all boys schools because most teachers can't handle boys. Miraculously ... No more problems.

That was my thought...some teachers are better at handling active boys than others. Traditional classrooms can be tough for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another vote for ADHD and testing... as well as an IEP and in school support to help him focus.

It may also be sensory processing disorder.

That said, the teacher needs to manager the classroom - it's the teachers job and not yours.

Exactly this. The teacher needs to manage the classroom. But the teacher also needs to initiate some type of analysis of the behavior. When exactly is the behavior happening? Is it task avoidance? Is it later in the day? Etc. she needs to try to figure out the antecedents. I'm not a teacher so I don't know the language. Some kids sit on special cusions. Some kids get fidgets. Some get a rubber band to kick on their desk. I knew of one kid who needed a seat belt across his lap. It didn't tie him down, but it reminded him, oh yeah I need to sit.

Also, ime, the school will talk with the parents about needing evaluations. This usually occurred after everything above and before daily phone calls.

If I were the mom I would be livid if I kept getting calls without the school coming up with a plan of action. What the fuck is she supposed to do? Go to school and stand next to her kid all day?

Yes, one parent needs to step up and DO something. Standing next to their child all day is one good first step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a bad teacher issue.

You have 4 weeks to go, just hold your breath and push through.

said the perfect parent

lol!


I am in a position where I deal with many kids who face all sorts of challenges. In 99% of the cases, the blame goes right back to the parents.

Apples, meet your trees!

I put my boys in all boys schools because most teachers can't handle boys. Miraculously ... No more problems.

That was my thought...some teachers are better at handling active boys than others. Traditional classrooms can be tough for them.

But a second grade child should be able to sit when it is time to sit. This behavior comes down to the child doing what he's been told to do. The teacher is managing, she's telling the children what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a bad teacher issue.

You have 4 weeks to go, just hold your breath and push through.

said the perfect parent

lol!


I am in a position where I deal with many kids who face all sorts of challenges. In 99% of the cases, the blame goes right back to the parents.

Apples, meet your trees!

I put my boys in all boys schools because most teachers can't handle boys. Miraculously ... No more problems.

That was my thought...some teachers are better at handling active boys than others. Traditional classrooms can be tough for them.

But a second grade child should be able to sit when it is time to sit. This behavior comes down to the child doing what he's been told to do. The teacher is managing, she's telling the children what to do.

Says who? "Telling children what to do" is neither managing a classroom nor teaching.

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/06/stop-penalizing-boys-for-not-being-able-to-sit-still-at-school/276976/

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=1545271

http://www.cnn.com/2014/03/30/living/no-sitting-still-movement-schools/

[Anonymous]

Is your son African American? If so, it is possible the teacher is unconsciously racist. In third grade we suddenly started getting calls about our sons behavior. He was always a n active fun loving kid, but never a behavior problem. When I asked him about it he said his teacher didn't like him. Long story short after discussion with other patents we learned this teacher had had problems with other AA boys. We moved our kid to Catholic school and never heard another complaint. All we got was positive feedback about how happy and popular he was. Now he's in a Catholic all boys school. He loves it and they love him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is making his teacher miserable. He gets out of his seat, he calls out answers inappropriately in class, he acts silly while lining up to go somewhere, he walks out in the field at school when he's not supposed to. The teacher is calling me at home, on average, about twice a week because of this. I always talk to him about it. Ask him what he could do differently, etc. But to me, this is a classroom management issue, and "she" should be disciplining him, etc. Not me, at home, where I can do nothing about it.

Has anyone else dealt with this? He's in 2nd grade. What did you do to help the situation? It's to the point I feel ill when I see the teacher's number show up on the phone.

Teachers usually call as a last resort when they have exhausted all their discipline techniques. A second grader is old enough enough to be disciplined at home after the fact. How about a daily written log from the teacher? If there are no teports during the week, he earns a treat like ice cream or a pack of Pokemon cards. Making it positive and putting the responsibility back on the child can be very successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is making his teacher miserable. He gets out of his seat, he calls out answers inappropriately in class, he acts silly while lining up to go somewhere, he walks out in the field at school when he's not supposed to. The teacher is calling me at home, on average, about twice a week because of this. I always talk to him about it. Ask him what he could do differently, etc. But to me, this is a classroom management issue, and "she" should be disciplining him, etc. Not me, at home, where I can do nothing about it.

Has anyone else dealt with this? He's in 2nd grade. What did you do to help the situation? It's to the point I feel ill when I see the teacher's number show up on the phone.

Teachers usually call as a last resort when they have exhausted all their discipline techniques. A second grader is old enough enough to be disciplined at home after the fact. How about a daily written log from the teacher? If there are no teports during the week, he earns a treat like ice cream or a pack of Pokemon cards. Making it positive and putting the responsibility back on the child can be very successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people who think "it's the teacher's problem" are the same ones who will be demanding the teacher's head on a platter if she implements meaningful classroom consequences.

That's what I'm thinking, too.

OP what would you have her do? He's your child, what would work?

Teachers hands are tied. I'm not sure there is much left that they are allowed to do anymore. You can't send them to the hallway, or take away recess. You need to find a gentle, nice way to deal with this. That takes more time. As a parent I'm annoyed when at this point in the year, there is a kid who STILL takes up a lot of the teacher's time like this. If there's a real reason behind it, fine. However OP insists it is just this teacher so I doubt it's ADHD or anything else.

OP, what do you do at home? You take away his time like he took away the teacher's time. She isn't allowed to do that anymore. So, for every minute that he wasted he has to practice at home. Sit quietly for that number of minutes. See if he can do it.

If he can then make the point that every time he takes away the teacher's time by not listening, you will take away his.

[Anonymous]

Eons ago, when I taught school, sometimes I would send a note home every day with the kid who was misbehaving--good or bad, that parents expected the note. I taught first--so it had to be quick--usumoally a happy face or sad face. One year, I marked it on the kid's hand as he walked out the door to ensure that it didn't disappear. It was effective if the parent followed through at home.

I taught one child whose dad promised him a bike at the end of the year if he changed his behavior. I thought that this would never work--but it was magical. Not sure what they did at home, but he worked all year for that bike. It was a sea change in his behavior. I don't think this would work for most six year olds--but I know one time that it did work. Normally, I would suggest a more immediate reward. In this case, it may have been that the dad showed an interest rather than just the mom. Maybe he enjoyed the attention from the dad (it was actually a step-dad).

I think the mom is frustrated because she doesn't know what to do either. Things have changed since I taught. Teachers have far less choice in possible actions. It is very frustrating when you have a class full of kids to have a child or two who is constantly disrupting class.