Is there a way I can convince him I'm not frivolous?

[Anonymous]

Write everything down for a month; date, the amount and for what. My DH is hawkish with finances and also thinks I'm frivolous. Doesn't matter if I spend $1,500 or $200 on household or kid related expenses, it's all frivolous. Did I mention his day job is a Wealth Manager? He said he sees ppl pissing through money and it freaks him out. He's a saver by nature and no amount in savings will ever be enough.

Unfortunately, Zulily is my nemesis these days. I check the site daily and always find something for the yard or house, even though it's marked way DOWN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him when he gets back from deployment, he can add "household Walmart shopper" to his list of responsibilities. In the meantime, give him your Amazon username and password so he has the ability to monitor the purchases if he cares so much.

My husband complains about the Target bill, even when I only buy food, diapers and formula (really.). And buy mostly the store brand. I flip out quarterly and tell him he's welcome to do the shopping and that closes the discussion.

Ha! This is our household too. DH's credit card bill is 90% work lunches for him and mine is everything else. I've refused to do spending reviews with him until he quits complaining about Costco/Aldi/target purchases.

[Anonymous]

This is why I kept my finances separate from DH. He doesn't know how much I spend and I don't know how much he spends. No fighting about money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I kept my finances separate from DH. He doesn't know how much I spend and I don't know how much he spends. No fighting about money.

+1

We have never fought about money. Not once. If someone was all over me about Target purchases, I don't even know what I'd do.

[Anonymous]

This would make me sad. I just bought $300 worth of makeup to make me feel better (I'm pregnant and ugly right now) and DH encouraged it. And I actually was being kind of frivolous. I can't imagine a DH that monitors TP and detergent purchases!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I kept my finances separate from DH. He doesn't know how much I spend and I don't know how much he spends. No fighting about money.

Please tell me there is a joint account, and then separate accounts for "play money".

[Anonymous]

There is no way I would put up with my husband giving me crap every time I spend $60 on amazon... Especially if I already told him that what I'm spending it on is household items.

I would tell him again - this is what stuff costs. If he has a problem with the purchases, tell him that he needs to come up with an alternative solution. Otherwise, the discussion is over. Who has the time to police TP?

[Anonymous]

Are you guys with USAA? Just get your own credit card and put all the household stuff on it. You can set it up to be paid in full on the due date.

Deployments are rough, and if your biggest vice is getting household goods shipped to you instead of bargain hunting, you're doing pretty well . You do what you have to do to survive sometimes. Big hugs from a fellow military spouse

[Anonymous]

I have credit cards, but DH got in trouble with them ages ago (before us) so he just prefers not to use them. Our debit card has enough protection. I think since the OPM thing, he's just gotten paranoid, because yes, it's fairly new.

Maybe I just need to cut him some slack on that one.

And again, it's not the money. When I tell him it's for diapers/toilet paper/dog food, he says, "Oh, ok, just checking."

[Anonymous]

I would calmly and clearly explain to him that this type of questioning is unhelpful and adds to your already stressful life. Then explain that you will be ignoring such questions from now on because he can log into Amazon and see everything for himself. Then stick to it. Just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a family budget and are you staying within it? If you don't have one I recommend you develop one. Believe it or not we have a Target line item that is meant to cover TP, Detergent, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a family budget and are you staying within it? If you don't have one I recommend you develop one. Believe it or not we have a Target line item that is meant to cover TP, Detergent, etc.

We do not, but again, it's not about how much I'm spending.

I guess this should have gone in the relationship forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't use a debit card for online shopping. If the card number gets stolen it's harder to get the bank to refund the money. Get a credit card. I have a citibank card that links to my Amazon account and I can use the points to make purchases. That way a $50 purchase shows up as a $30 purchase for example. Amex also allows you to link your credit card points to Amazon.
Do you have Amazon Prime? You can get discounts on subscriptions for diapers and wipes.

That is not true, you should read the terms and conditions from your bank. There are more protections now than a few years ago.

OP - I was the one that asked for your reasoning of not going to the store, so thanks for answering. Can you hire a babysitter for a few hours so you can go cheaper on some things?

That's ridiculous if this is this only reason to hire the babysitter. Why pay $50 for a sitter to watch junior for 3 hours so you can save $13 on groceries?

If OP wants to get a sitter once every couple of weeks for a sanity check (since she says that having an infant is kicking her butt), then that's a solution for a different problem and she can kill 2 birds with one stone by using some of the time to shop and save money. But otherwise, that's just nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a family budget and are you staying within it? If you don't have one I recommend you develop one. Believe it or not we have a Target line item that is meant to cover TP, Detergent, etc.

We do not, but again, it's not about how much I'm spending.

I guess this should have gone in the relationship forum.

You keep saying it's not about how much you spend and how he's not controlling but he is and apparently it is about money.

Make a weekly list. Then send him the links to every purchase on that list. He can then tell you whether he has a problem with it or not. Make sure though when you order you stick to the list. After a while he'll tire of this and you will be back to your regular ordering. I don't do Amazon but I do order regularly from Walmart. If you give him your login/password to both he can see for himself what you bought. At our house we know what everyone is ordering. If one wants to look, one can look. We hide nothing. Just saying. Life is much more at ease like that. I was never one to hide any purchases. It was not worth fighting over.

Frankly if I worked 60 hours a week, took care of everything while my husband was deployed, I'd tell him to suck a d. There comes a time when you need to do what you need to do. He's not your daddy.

You both have trust issues. I've seen this with other military people. Even the ones with no kids. I get budgeting but I don't get not buying necessities. It's time for a financial talk. Work out a plan together so this doesn't repeat itself.

BTW, the poster saying it's more secure ordering online with a credit card ? Bull. I've been ordering with a debit card for years. The only time we were breached was when my husband ate at a swanky hotel in Houston. Got those charges removed. DO NOT get your own credit card unless your husband knows. That will open up a can of s for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hide the tp and detergent, stop washing his clothes. Tell him you couldn't find these items for free and they're too expensive to buy.

He checks the checking account daily, that's where he's seeing all the purchases. He just thinks I'm blowing $60 at a time on random crap on Amazon.

OP deployment issues aside, what sort of family budgeting system do you use? How do you track bills, needs, planning, spending, etc? I'm in charge of family spending just like you. My DH doesn't question my purchases because he knows my system, he knows how I prioritized our spending, and he is cool with it. No surprises.