My sister is a major air sucker. She “reads a lot” therefore she knows EVERYTHING, no matter the subject. She is a major conspiracy theorist—everyone is a pedophile, all doctors work together to screw us, all attorneys are evil. It is absolutely exhausting to have a conversation with her because she knows everything. The stuff she reads is just regurgitated crap from people who think just like her, hardly any critical thinking going on there. She is divorced and alone and is lucky enough to travel a bit so she takes over the conversation during family events, commenting on everything and relating it back to her trips and meals overseas. “This ham is good but the best ham I’ve ever had is in Paris…”. My eyes are going to get stuck from rolling them so often… |
OP, does your sister have alcohol issues? She may be manic when she drinks? |
Is this a thing?? I have a friend who I can’t quite figure out what is going on with…. |
Absolutely, Not sure of the technical term, but there are people who rely on alcohol, more than most, for social situations. Think the 60 year old who "looks forward to" events at which there will be alcohol, or behaves differently when they are at those events - get louder and more ring leader like. 20-somethings don't know better, but older people should, unless they have an alcohol problem. |
Thanks, pp, but the link just brought me to the WaPo front page. Searching on their site didn’t find it either. Any chance you could repost the link, or give us the article title so we can search it up ourselves? Thanks! |
You get one point for asking permission to share before diving in. You lose 500 points for length alone. You could have made a few succinct points. Instead, you…sucked the air out of the room. |
NP. I wonder if it’s worth distinguishing two types of “sucks the air out of the room” people. I see both types in this thread. The causes might be different.
1. Talk constantly about themselves. I know two women who fall into this category, one a childhood neighbor and one a neighbor/friend of 20 years. Both will talk your ear off for an hour, usually about their complicated work or other problems, until they ask a basic question about you. When they meet you, they sort of heave a sigh of relief and jump right into the latest complicated work or other issues, complete with a whole cast of characters you’ve never met and can’t keep straight, and these are never uplifting or fun stories. As my sister once said about a visit with one of them, “she had a lot to say, and she said it all.” Neither has many or any other friends, and you can sort of understand why. The reasons? I know for sure one is on Prozac, and I’ve heard that can make people talk a lot. But also, insecurity, depression, and that not having other friends thing. 2. I’m the life of the party whether you want me to be or not. My sister falls into this category. She will go on about how cool her nyc friends are and how wonderful her husband is. She frequently tells me I’m jealous of her. (Hardly: she’s isolated in the countryside, her “cool” friends are mostly alcoholics and I’m not making that up, her husband seems checked out, and I’d take my kids and life over hers in a heartbeat). Honestly, I think this is also insecurity and loneliness. She’s trying to win over my kids by being the cool aunt, and trying to win my friends. So both stem from insecurity and loneliness. What’s the difference? One is needing a friend to confide in, and the other is trying to win friends by being the life of the party. Both are misguided because they drive people away, but the second seems particularly misguided to me. Obviously I’ve had a lot of time to think about this while these people in my life do their things…. I guess I don’t mind hearing out the first group, in limited doses. But the life-of-the-party types seem especially transparent and annoying to me. YMMV! Advice welcome! |
Another lengthy air-sucker with faux-humility. “YMMV! Advice welcome!” Please. |
I have a MIL like this, OP
I used to think she is fun, but then I realized it’s all about her. |
Actually I’m usually the quiet one on the room. Which gives me a lot of time to develop these thoughts. You have issues of your own. |
This part is definitely true. Every person I know who has had this odd personality trait has been enabled and/or favorited, throughout their life. They seriously lack self awareness, and tend to be somewhat "helpless" (or behave as if they are). SIL used to always bring herself up, no matter the situation/event discussion, so I started communicating (only to her) that way. Not sure if she got the hint, or if someone told her to stop, but she has been not doing it quite so much, thankfully. She does tend to pick on people, single them out, or have bullying tendencies, toward one person. It is really quite odd. Being the center act is definitely her preference. |
Lol usually big personality comes from nothing within. Shallow screams the most. |
Empty vessels make the most noise. |
I cannot stand people like this. I run and do not engage.
My exh was like this. |
Be nice to your brother. Have some sympathy. It's like people who are overweight. Has criticism ever helped anyone lose weight. No, it just makes them more miserable. |