My sister sucks the air out of the room

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one should have to make themselves smaller to make others more comfortable. The problem is yours, not your sister's. If you think she's too much, go find less. You think she's too big, maybe she thinks you're not enough. Dealing with someone like that is like pushing a rope. Go find less.

NP and i agree with this (to a reasonable extent). My whole life, i've always gravitated towards friends with huge personalities, whom others describe as sucking up the room. I also have a pretty big personality. I love having someone effectively keep up with me. Others find it exhausting. I'm typically not a fan of quiet people or people who don't bring enough energy. Just different strokes for different folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister has bipolar disorder. When she's manic, she's like that (usually) in a fun way. As she gets older, it's becoming less fun. When she's depressed, she's like this in a woe is me way. It's hellish to deal with. We don't speak much anymore. We live about 3000 miles away from each other, so we don't run into each other at family functions or anything.

This is interesting. I was reading the thread and was going to mention a friend of mine whom my mom always describes as exhausting because she sucks the air out of the room. (I actually like the friend - but i tend to like bigger personalities than my mom). Friend has adhd and depression, and has mentioned her moods can even border on bipolar... I'm thinking no kidding. She's definitely got some serious mania. She sometimes won't shut up for a whole dinner. But then sometimes 3 months will go by and she won't accept a single invite out. Definitely mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister has bipolar disorder. When she's manic, she's like that (usually) in a fun way. As she gets older, it's becoming less fun. When she's depressed, she's like this in a woe is me way. It's hellish to deal with. We don't speak much anymore. We live about 3000 miles away from each other, so we don't run into each other at family functions or anything.

This is interesting. I was reading the thread and was going to mention a friend of mine whom my mom always describes as exhausting because she sucks the air out of the room. (I actually like the friend - but i tend to like bigger personalities than my mom). Friend has adhd and depression, and has mentioned her moods can even border on bipolar... I'm thinking no kidding. She's definitely got some serious mania. She sometimes won't shut up for a whole dinner. But then sometimes 3 months will go by and she won't accept a single invite out. Definitely mental illness.

Surprised to see this post revived. When SIL is manic, it is all about her, even if the event (or whatever) is not about her. She seems to be quiet and reserved, or rowdy and self centered - very little in between. Agree it seems to be a mental illness. The part of not shutting up the whole dinner resonated - like she is a ring leader or something. It can't just be a normal give and take, pleasant, inclusive conversation. Very odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one should have to make themselves smaller to make others more comfortable. The problem is yours, not your sister's. If you think she's too much, go find less. You think she's too big, maybe she thinks you're not enough. Dealing with someone like that is like pushing a rope. Go find less.

NP and i agree with this (to a reasonable extent). My whole life, i've always gravitated towards friends with huge personalities, whom others describe as sucking up the room. I also have a pretty big personality. I love having someone effectively keep up with me. Others find it exhausting. I'm typically not a fan of quiet people or people who don't bring enough energy. Just different strokes for different folks.

I am a new poster...I think there is a difference between taking up space in a good way and sucking all the air out. I enjoy a life of the party type person usually and find them entertaining. I would describe my sister as sucking all the air out the room because it's all about her...her major accomplishments, her medical issues, bragging about her children, complaining about her children and then when somehow it isn't about her she is busy on her phone or zones out. If she finds out someone has a medical issue...hers is always worse. If someone tells her a sweet story about another person's kids...her kid is better. Everything is a competition or a brag or a pity party and I just feel drained around her. I watched her do her thing at a family gathering where there were some non-family and it was both sad and entertaining. The person speaking with her looked exasperated and kept trying to make excuses to exit stage left.

[Anonymous]

My mom is like this. Luckily I’m naturally an introvert/wallflower but I do find distance helps. When I’m with my best crowd, people find me charming in my way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one should have to make themselves smaller to make others more comfortable. The problem is yours, not your sister's. If you think she's too much, go find less. You think she's too big, maybe she thinks you're not enough. Dealing with someone like that is like pushing a rope. Go find less.

I kinda agree with this take.

[Anonymous]

People like your sister are insecure and need social attention/affirmation. You do not and that is a strength.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is like this. Luckily I’m naturally an introvert/wallflower but I do find distance helps. When I’m with my best crowd, people find me charming in my way.

This x100.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People like your sister are insecure and need social attention/affirmation. You do not and that is a strength.

Not necessarily - OP sounds a bit insecure tbh. Maybe they both are insecure and that's how they each cope?

[Anonymous]

My husband's family is full of people who do this, and I dread hanging out with them. The good thing is that if I disappear at family functions, no one really notices or cares. Maybe take that approach?

[Anonymous]

I think I am your sister. I am that so-called "big personality" while my younger sister is very quiet, timid. You can't even give her a hug. You can't share anything in front of her: job news, kids news, vacation news. She finds it all too much. I am not manic, I am not depressed, I am a genuine optimist. Apparently that's too much for her.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is like this. She has little to no filter occasionally. Sometimes it's fun. Sometimes it's exhausting. She never listens to anyone else. Never asks questions about anyone else. Just...talks. My MIL is similar, but less charming, and much meaner. So I do prefer my SIL's company because she is generally just talking, not being mean.

I've adjusted to it. We just sort of co-exist. I stopped expecting anyone to actually try to get to know me. They think I'm boring because I don't verbal diarrhea every tiny little drama in my life in front of the whole family. I also don't have anxiety so I guess it's less interesting. I sometimes play a sort of mental BINGO about how many dramatic stories she'll tell in one gathering.

[Anonymous]

The Washington Post just had an article about people who talk too much: https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/10/19/overtalking-adhd-autism-anxiety-bipolar-disorder/.

Based on peoples' responses here, I thought it was appropriate to share. Maybe this will help everyone have empathy for those of us who talk too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People like your sister are insecure and need social attention/affirmation. You do not and that is a strength.

X10000

Very insecure!

[Anonymous]

This post is soooooo old! I usually don’t post on these zombie threads, but I have to on this one.

My SIL is this person. You can literally feel it when she walks into the house. Her entrance is always dramatic. “You won’t believe what happened!” Announced to a full room.

At every funeral I’ve seen her at, she is hysterically crying, even if she barely knew the person, so that everyone feels the need to comfort her. Even people who were much closer to the deceased.