My sister sucks the air out of the room

[Anonymous]

My sister is the same! But she is very charming so people surround her.

[Anonymous]

This is going to be blunt. I just have to *massive eyeroll* at the PP who stated that she was the same as the OP's sister, then proceeded, at OP's request, to suck the life out of this post. Start your own post, PP. This is about OP.

Your post has me massively rolling my eyes right now.

[Anonymous]

My sister has bipolar disorder. When she's manic, she's like that (usually) in a fun way. As she gets older, it's becoming less fun. When she's depressed, she's like this in a woe is me way. It's hellish to deal with. We don't speak much anymore. We live about 3000 miles away from each other, so we don't run into each other at family functions or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be blunt. I just have to *massive eyeroll* at the PP who stated that she was the same as the OP's sister, then proceeded, at OP's request, to suck the life out of this post. Start your own post, PP. This is about OP.

OP, I'd accept that this is who she is and take her in limited doses. It must feel crazy for her to be her. Possibly she's manic, or a narcissist, or overcompensating for self-esteem issues, or she's a people pleaser, or she's uncomfortable with silences and has to fill them. Who knows. If you are close enough, and she admits/agrees that she does this and needs help (ie, if this topic has been previously well-travelled in the past by you or your sibs and it's accepted all around as fact, even by sister) then maybe you could establish a gentle codeword or look you can give her to rein it in when she's dominating the social situation.

If she's not aware/not self-reflective enough to realize sucks the air out, like the PP, then I suggest you merely enjoy her "charm" in limited doses.

You have good advice, but your nastiness regarding the poster who the OP INVITED to share her side of the story, and who the OP actually thanked, is just plain ugly.

[Anonymous]

My sister sucks the air out of the room, too. She has a hard time with her life, because such high expectations were set for her. Ironically, the rest of us did quite well because of her being favored. All the pressure and attention was on her; and I and the other siblings became very self sufficient - almost overly so, if that is possible. I would NOT want to be her. She has had to resort to compulsive lying (self promotion) as a way of life, as if she is perpetually making excuses for herself. The rest of us have our own accomplishments and merits, and she constantly compares herself, instead of bettering herself. She ends up wallowing in self pity and martyrdom. It is a train wreck.

Let that be a lesson to you parents- favoritism:enabling:bad news!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a friend (female) like this. I dread her coming over. She is so bossy, talks all the time, thinks she knows everything. I am an expert in my field, but she will go on and on about things in my field, things that I know are wrong. I find it impossible to interrupt her, even when she is speaking about my field of expertise, to inject some actual knowledge. She is very loud. Sometimes she wants to take me shopping, and she insists of picking everything I buy (she has little money) and will take things I have chosen out of my basket and put it back on the shelf. She is, however, quite charming when you first meet her. She is a professional musician, very articulate, and projects self confidence. But, honestly, I just can not bear her up close.

This is really not the same situation. Your husband's friend is easy to deal with: just avoid her or don't let her bother you. Who cares? This is not someone important to you like a sister.

[Anonymous]

My nephew sucks the air out of the room, which my BIL admitted to DH and I several years ago. I was surprised to hear him say that about his own son and glad I was not the only one who thought so. From the moment he enters a room, he is talking nonstop and has an opinion about everything. He is not obnoxious but it is exhausting to be around him for long periods of time. He has almost 2000 facebook friends and is constantly posting and sharing. His SO is quiet and thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a friend (female) like this. I dread her coming over. She is so bossy, talks all the time, thinks she knows everything. I am an expert in my field, but she will go on and on about things in my field, things that I know are wrong. I find it impossible to interrupt her, even when she is speaking about my field of expertise, to inject some actual knowledge. She is very loud. Sometimes she wants to take me shopping, and she insists of picking everything I buy (she has little money) and will take things I have chosen out of my basket and put it back on the shelf. She is, however, quite charming when you first meet her. She is a professional musician, very articulate, and projects self confidence. But, honestly, I just can not bear her up close.

This is really not the same situation. Your husband's friend is easy to deal with: just avoid her or don't let her bother you. Who cares? This is not someone important to you like a sister.

That's true. Just wanted to let her know that she is not delusional; that there indeed are people like this. She is not imagining it.

[Anonymous]

Empowerment. Having control. Call, text, respond on a schedule that works for you. Never visit without driving yourself so you can leave when you want. No open-ended visits. You can get along with anyone for awhile. Know how much time you can be together (without annoyance) and give that, only that. But you also have a serious obligation - not to create drama yourself, not to involve other family.

[Anonymous]

I dread her coming over

See this is your fault. You do not have to have her over. You bring this on yourself. If she's in your house, there is no easy way to get her out of your house when you've had enough. You and DH should meet her at a neutral location. Have the socializing end when you've had enough. If the two of you differ in your tolerance for this person, drive separately. One of you can stay and socialize longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I dread her coming over

See this is your fault. You do not have to have her over. You bring this on yourself. If she's in your house, there is no easy way to get her out of your house when you've had enough. You and DH should meet her at a neutral location. Have the socializing end when you've had enough. If the two of you differ in your tolerance for this person, drive separately. One of you can stay and socialize longer.

You could do this, OP, but practically speaking,it's not often that family problems can be so neatly solved or avoided.

I have no advice. My sister also sucks the air out of the room, she's charming on one hand and mercurial and lashes out on the other. but there are things i like about her too! She's super funny and always makes me laugh. I don't live near her and that's what makes it easier. When I am with her, I cross fingers and hope we get along. You never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I dread her coming over

See this is your fault. You do not have to have her over. You bring this on yourself. If she's in your house, there is no easy way to get her out of your house when you've had enough. You and DH should meet her at a neutral location. Have the socializing end when you've had enough. If the two of you differ in your tolerance for this person, drive separately. One of you can stay and socialize longer.

Well, but I do love my husband. So I let her come over, just not very often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nephew sucks the air out of the room, which my BIL admitted to DH and I several years ago. I was surprised to hear him say that about his own son and glad I was not the only one who thought so. From the moment he enters a room, he is talking nonstop and has an opinion about everything. He is not obnoxious but it is exhausting to be around him for long periods of time. He has almost 2000 facebook friends and is constantly posting and sharing. His SO is quiet and thoughtful.

Aspergers? On the spectrum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew sucks the air out of the room, which my BIL admitted to DH and I several years ago. I was surprised to hear him say that about his own son and glad I was not the only one who thought so. From the moment he enters a room, he is talking nonstop and has an opinion about everything. He is not obnoxious but it is exhausting to be around him for long periods of time. He has almost 2000 facebook friends and is constantly posting and sharing. His SO is quiet and thoughtful.

Aspergers? On the spectrum?

Not at all. DH thinks he's just very insecure and needs constant validation.

[Anonymous]

No one should have to make themselves smaller to make others more comfortable. The problem is yours, not your sister's. If you think she's too much, go find less. You think she's too big, maybe she thinks you're not enough. Dealing with someone like that is like pushing a rope. Go find less.