Did you fall in love with your AP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do this for now on...

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow him/her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say “I Love You”.
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold – just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don’t be overly enthusiastic.
23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.

Or just separate, file for divorce, and move on with your life.

Because they have a child together and they will need to learn how to be in the same space at the same time. She needs to do all these things to move on to a better life. Being bitter, angry and resentful will only hurt herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do this for now on...

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow him/her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say “I Love You”.
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold – just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don’t be overly enthusiastic.
23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.

Or just separate, file for divorce, and move on with your life.

Because they have a child together and they will need to learn how to be in the same space at the same time. She needs to do all these things to move on to a better life. Being bitter, angry and resentful will only hurt herself.

Excuses to try and stay in his life. I know many that truly do move on and co-parent with their new partner/spouse. They don't bother their ex or try and micro manage their homes. They go to school events, sports, etc. and all sit separate. You can be separate but cordial. No one is saying to be angry, simply move on.

[Anonymous]

^^^^ Did you even read the list???


1. Do not pursue
2. No phone calls
3. Don't point out good in marriage
....

Don't lose your cool.
Be patient.


This is all good advice because clearly OP is shell shocked, she need to just move on... be cheerful, take care of herself, go out with friends, don't ask where the ex is or what he is doing, back off, be strong, be confident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Or just separate, file for divorce, and move on with your life.

This. OP needs to get a lawyer, it's been long over. Being needy is not attractive nor productive. Also why would you want someone that did that? It's not love it's only dependency at this point because change is hard. I wouldn't talk to him, quick texts to discuss visitation with the child while you are trying to get full custody and good child support. Now is the time to be smart.

Joint custody. For the child's benefit.

Joint custody doesn't work, going back and forth especially when the child get's older is very hard. Either way it will be up to the judge, but she should try for custody.

Of FFS. It's far better to be inconvenienced by going back and forth than to grow up without a father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your situation, op? Why are you asking the question?

DH has been having an affair and is in love with the AP. He told me he doesn't love me anymore nor does he find me attractive.

Honey, you've got a free pass to give him a taste back of that shit. If he's in love with her, she deserves a man that is trustworthy and slimy. Let her wash the shit stains out of his underwear and his appeal will die down over time.

Why do you think this bothers people? It's real life... if you care about someone stuff like this doesn't bother you. People get that a person comes with underwear to wash & they need care & get sick. It doesn't make the person less attractive.

Actually it does because all relationships first go through the honeymoon stage. Most are blind to each other's faults or realities such as shitty underwear, lol. She was making a good point actually. In a few years it will all get old, he will tire of her or they will have to stay together because of finances or AP will get pregnant with a few kids. He'll continue to have affairs most likely. He did her a favor imo. She could have been stuck many years before she found out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Or just separate, file for divorce, and move on with your life.

This. OP needs to get a lawyer, it's been long over. Being needy is not attractive nor productive. Also why would you want someone that did that? It's not love it's only dependency at this point because change is hard. I wouldn't talk to him, quick texts to discuss visitation with the child while you are trying to get full custody and good child support. Now is the time to be smart.

Joint custody. For the child's benefit.

Joint custody doesn't work, going back and forth especially when the child get's older is very hard. Either way it will be up to the judge, but she should try for custody.

Of FFS. It's far better to be inconvenienced by going back and forth than to grow up without a father.

It's been long known that joint custody does NOT work for children, though ultimately it will be up to the judge.

• Joint physical custody is a lousy "compromise" between disputing parents.
• Joint physical custody is being used, wrongly, to lower child support payments.
• Joint physical custody is not necessarily 50/50.
• Joint physical custody requires a lot of logistical coordination.
• Joint physical custody is less stable over time than sole physical custody.
• Joint physical custody apparently works only for a minority of families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Or just separate, file for divorce, and move on with your life.

This. OP needs to get a lawyer, it's been long over. Being needy is not attractive nor productive. Also why would you want someone that did that? It's not love it's only dependency at this point because change is hard. I wouldn't talk to him, quick texts to discuss visitation with the child while you are trying to get full custody and good child support. Now is the time to be smart.

Joint custody. For the child's benefit.

Joint custody doesn't work, going back and forth especially when the child get's older is very hard. Either way it will be up to the judge, but she should try for custody.

Of FFS. It's far better to be inconvenienced by going back and forth than to grow up without a father.

It's been long known that joint custody does NOT work for children, though ultimately it will be up to the judge.

• Joint physical custody is a lousy "compromise" between disputing parents.
• Joint physical custody is being used, wrongly, to lower child support payments.
• Joint physical custody is not necessarily 50/50.
• Joint physical custody requires a lot of logistical coordination.
• Joint physical custody is less stable over time than sole physical custody.
• Joint physical custody apparently works only for a minority of families.

What on earth are you basing this on? Links please.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the child is older. OP didn't give an age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the child is older. OP didn't give an age

OP here, 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel in Love with with AP and he fell in love with me. Even when he broke it off with me he said I Love You over and over because he said it was the last words he wanted me to hear. He would not divorce because he did not believe in it so he is with his wife whom he also loves. Complicated.

Not complicated - messed up. Messed up & icky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel in Love with with AP and he fell in love with me. Even when he broke it off with me he said I Love You over and over because he said it was the last words he wanted me to hear. He would not divorce because he did not believe in it so he is with his wife whom he also loves. Complicated.

Not complicated - messed up. Messed up & icky.

Actually pretty funny that she believed this cheater! Maybe she is young and naive, definitely without morals or values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your situation, op? Why are you asking the question?

DH has been having an affair and is in love with the AP. He told me he doesn't love me anymore nor does he find me attractive.

I'm sorry. What are your next steps? Sounds like he's ready to divorce. If not, you should be. Don't be a doormat.

We're in the process of a divorce now.

I was living with my fiancee when i found out he was seeing someone. Unknown to me I was already pregnant which was a good thing because of my age and I had wanted another child. I was beyond disgusted because he started cheating shortly after he moved in with me. A few good friends advised me to not tell him I knew about the cheating, instead I told him the good news! I can only say it was a "Kodak" moment he didn't see coming.

[Anonymous]

Why did you marry him if you knew he was cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Or just separate, file for divorce, and move on with your life.

This. OP needs to get a lawyer, it's been long over. Being needy is not attractive nor productive. Also why would you want someone that did that? It's not love it's only dependency at this point because change is hard. I wouldn't talk to him, quick texts to discuss visitation with the child while you are trying to get full custody and good child support. Now is the time to be smart.

Joint custody. For the child's benefit.

Joint custody doesn't work, going back and forth especially when the child get's older is very hard. Either way it will be up to the judge, but she should try for custody.

That's your opinion and I disagree with it. OP's shitty husband needs to continue to be a FT father regardless of what happens. And OP also needs time to find herself the way he's been able to.

[Anonymous]

Yes, to the original question. I fell in love or at least I thought I did. If I could have kept it as a fling, it would still be going on and I would still be having the best sex of my life.