Quitting 4th grade instrumental music

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The life lesson here is bigger than what a child enjoys doing. It's about not quitting every time something gets hard or it's not fun. By not quitting, a child is faced with problem solving instead. It teaches them how to deal with challenges, setbacks, and failures. Finishing the year is age-appropriate for a 9 year old. It's not like forcing her to stick with it now until high school. And if she were younger, quitting now may be ok. But she can handle, with parental support, finishing the year. And it will help develop the self confidence and resilience she needs to get through bigger problems that she will eventually face.

What do you think people play music for? I think that people play music because they like to play music. If they don't like to play music, there is no point.

Again, the life lesson here is bigger than the activity itself. If she powers her way through for another month or so, she will understand that she can face challenges. Letting kids quit all the time when something isn't fun is not doing them any favors. Just make sure the lesson is age appropriate.

Who is talking about letting kids quit all the time when something isn't fun? We are talking about letting a kid quit THIS ONE time because SHE HATES DOING SOMETHING WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS, TO BE FUN. (Capital letters for emphasis.)

Imagine OP's conversation with the band teacher:

OP: What can we do to help Larla? She hates playing trombone, and cries about it for hours, but we're making her stick with it because we think that she needs to learn to tough it out.
Band teacher: ....

[Anonymous]

Another thing, OP, is that by forcing the trombone down her throat, you're probably putting her off trying musical instruments and potentially depriving her of discovering a love of music and her own musicality with some other instrument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She chose trombone. She couldn't decide between trombone and a string instrument, went back and forth, discussed with instructor, and was finally forced to pick due to time.

She did enjoy it at first, but I was surprised that initial lessons didn't include how to put it together, how to clean it, etc. We had to figure that out ourselves.

She carried it on the bus (to answer another question). It's a PITA, but she can do it.

I remember starting an instrument in 4th grade, including starting private lessons that began at that level, how to put the instrument together, fingerings, mouth and breathing, etc. It sounds like you skipped a vital step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The life lesson here is bigger than what a child enjoys doing. It's about not quitting every time something gets hard or it's not fun. By not quitting, a child is faced with problem solving instead. It teaches them how to deal with challenges, setbacks, and failures. Finishing the year is age-appropriate for a 9 year old. It's not like forcing her to stick with it now until high school. And if she were younger, quitting now may be ok. But she can handle, with parental support, finishing the year. And it will help develop the self confidence and resilience she needs to get through bigger problems that she will eventually face.

The life lesson here is:

1. my parents will force me to do unnecessary stuff that I hate doing, on principle.
2. therefore I will no longer do stuff, in case I hate it but they force me to keep on doing it.
3. my parents think that their principles are more important than my feelings.

Well, if OP this is where OP wants to draw the line, then ok, but I, personally, would save it for something that actually matters. Learning to play the trombone does not actually matter. Nobody has to learn to play the trombone. And it's not like this will be the OP's child's only opportunity to learn to deal with challenges, setbacks, and failures.

That's only the life lesson if that's what the parents say.

It could also be:

1. sometimes things are harder than I anticipate. I might not be the best at it the first few times. It really does take time and practice to get better. I can't expect to get better after a few lessons or practice and I will have to stick with new and harder things longer to master them.

2. sometimes I will get really nervous about giving a performance/presentation/speech/group presentation. I will be able to learn some techniques to help me remain calm and get through it.

3. Sometimes I might be disappointed in how I do on a performance/test/homework/game even when I have given it my all and tried my best. Disappointment is a part of life.

[Anonymous]

Let her quit. My daughter's teacher said at the beginning of the year something like: "please, if they don't like it, let them quit. They miss instructional time and I'm more than happy to teach around that if they are having a positive experience with music. But if you're just keeping them in to make a point about perseverance, please don't."
I usually make a child finish out something they've committed to, but this is whole year, and if she really hates it, I really don't see the point. My daughter talks about quitting because she doesn't think the class moves quickly enough, so I give her the "you have to walk before you can run" speech. But I don't think that's what's going on with OP's daughter.
oP, I would be more worried about the significant performance anxiety and figure out if she should be getting help for this. How does she do with things like reciting poetry in front of the class? Speaking up at Girl Scout meetings, or whatever it is she does? Is she a perfectionist about other things? My daughter has been playing piano for years and suddenly at age 9 started a weird phase where she didn't want me to record her or invite family to her performance because she was self-conscious. I'm trying hard to nip that in the bud, but it is, I think, a common developmental phase. Little kids think they are good at everything; Tweens suddenly realize that is not true and then become worried they are actually terrible at everything. And then, particularly with girls, I think they feed each other's insecurities and play up a false modesty ("oh, I'm TERRIBLE at..."). I think it's destructive in the long term, so I'm working hard to install good lessons like -- do your best, you won't be the best at everything or even most things and that's okay, if you give up everything that you think you're bad at, you'll never learn no things and will lead a pretty boring life, etc.

[Anonymous]

Didn't read the whole thread but definitely don't quit mid year. In my band experience, I didn't like it until about a calendar year or so in. Private lessons really helped me learn how to learn an instrument.

When I was in HS I taught some kids like your child. They wanted to quit but their parents didn't want them to. Sitting down one on one with them and showing them basic things like how to put on the mouth piece, how to make cool sounds, how to play a really simple duet really boosted their confidence and helped them like to play instead of dreading it because it didn't come naturally. I had a pretty good success rate!

[Anonymous]

PS I have a musician friend who swears by bananas before every performance. Apparently they contain something like a beta blocker to help calm anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't read the whole thread but definitely don't quit mid year. In my band experience, I didn't like it until about a calendar year or so in. Private lessons really helped me learn how to learn an instrument.

When I was in HS I taught some kids like your child. They wanted to quit but their parents didn't want them to. Sitting down one on one with them and showing them basic things like how to put on the mouth piece, how to make cool sounds, how to play a really simple duet really boosted their confidence and helped them like to play instead of dreading it because it didn't come naturally. I had a pretty good success rate!

Did you hate it, and beg your parents to let you quit? That's the issue here. Not "not liking it". Hating it.

I'm going to requote from a PP here:

My daughter's teacher said at the beginning of the year something like: "please, if they don't like it, let them quit. They miss instructional time and I'm more than happy to teach around that if they are having a positive experience with music. But if you're just keeping them in to make a point about perseverance, please don't."

[Anonymous]

Let her quit. Music is not everyone's cup of tea. There will be other electives to take in middle and high school.