can I spurn girl who didnt invite dd to her bday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with letting the child dictate the guest list. At this age, she should not be allowed to exclude kids. A 5-year-old may not have the capacity for empathy and may choose not to invite because of trivial reasons (talks with a lisp, colors poorly, etc.) When kids are older and develop deeper friendships, they start having smaller parties where the closest friends are invited. Until then, the entire class, or at least the same gender children, should be invited.

What if you have 26 kids in your K class and your kid was at a different school the previous couple of years and has friends from that school? So the old friends get discarded? DD was able to invite half of her class this year. But she doesn't play with all the girls b/c she's sporty and likes Star Wars and doesn't do tea parties and some of the other things some of the girls do. So she was allowed to choose 13 kids combined from her class (and basketball team, which is made up of kids in the class), plus 5 friends from her previous school. She was thoughtful about her choice and in the end asked us for a 14th kid b/c it turned out, given the logistics, one boy at her table wouldn't have been invited and she didn't want him to be upset.

Your daughter is a sweetie! If you are only inviting half the class, then you are only inviting half the class. It's different than inviting everyone and excluding one person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 5.5. There is this girl in her class who had a bday party earlier in the year. DD knew and was quite upset about not being invited to the party, which was pretty fabulous by all accounts. Most of the time in our school the whole class is invited to a birthday party, or at least all kids of the same gender. money/space was not an issue for these guys.. It seems like the girls play together at school and the friend's name comes up fairly often. DD's birthday is approaching and I really would like to not invite this other girl. I think her parents were rude in excluding my kid, and I feel no obligation to have her. DD goes between saying I wont invite her, and I'd like to invite her.
is it childish of me? is it fair? i am leaning towards telling dd, we will only have your friends who have invited you to their birthdays...

Now this is a self licking ice cream cone if I have ever seen one. If everyone takes that policy, no one would new would ever be invited or included. And you have no idea what the other parent's motivation is. Petty, small, bad role model, and ahh.

You just sound awful. I wonder if YOU are the reason your daughter wasn't invited.

Seriously -- how immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a million reasons your daughter didn't get invited. Maybe your email was typed in wrong and they think you never replied. It is only the beginning of the kids choosing actual friends instead of whole class parties. My son had invited kids to find out later he isn't invited to theirs. He has also received invitations and felt bad because he forgot to include someone he wished he did. He's older than K and buddies are in all different classes. Some parents I know, some I don't. Invite anyone your daughter wants and if you are unsure invite the whole class or at least all of the girls.

This. I mistakenly excluded a kid that was in my son's class because I had an out of date class list. It was only later that I realized it and felt terrible. In your situation, it could have been an honest mistake. But even if it wasn't, excluding this girl is sending the wrong message to your daughter. Be bigger than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a million reasons your daughter didn't get invited. Maybe your email was typed in wrong and they think you never replied. It is only the beginning of the kids choosing actual friends instead of whole class parties. My son had invited kids to find out later he isn't invited to theirs. He has also received invitations and felt bad because he forgot to include someone he wished he did. He's older than K and buddies are in all different classes. Some parents I know, some I don't. Invite anyone your daughter wants and if you are unsure invite the whole class or at least all of the girls.

This. I mistakenly excluded a kid that was in my son's class because I had an out of date class list. It was only later that I realized it and felt terrible. In your situation, it could have been an honest mistake. But even if it wasn't, excluding this girl is sending the wrong message to your daughter. Be bigger than that.

+1 I missed one kid in my child's class because I relied on him to tell me which kids were in his year in a mixed-age classroom. I realized the day before the party, and felt terrible.

Stuff happens, and this is your chance to be a big person and role model for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it. All these parents are trying to moralize your actions, but you are speaking from a place of hurt. I have felt that way too when DD does not get invited. I think it is ok to feel that way, but I think it is still the right thing to do to invite the other girl if your daughter wants to have her. Also unlike other posters, I think it is FINE if your daughter chooses her list. If she is still feeling upset and it would upset her to have the other girl at the party, then no reason to ruin her special day to make a point or satisfy these sanctimonious DCUMers. Do what is best for the child, and she may be best able to tell you what that is.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my DD this year. She came home and told me that a girl in her class had a party and invited all of the girls except her. I felt so terrible for her. She is so little still, and was just so sad. It hurt my heart. And this was after my DD had invited ALL of the girls to her party. Even still, though, when next year's birthday comes around, DD knows she will invite everyone again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with letting the child dictate the guest list. At this age, she should not be allowed to exclude kids. A 5-year-old may not have the capacity for empathy and may choose not to invite because of trivial reasons (talks with a lisp, colors poorly, etc.) When kids are older and develop deeper friendships, they start having smaller parties where the closest friends are invited. Until then, the entire class, or at least the same gender children, should be invited.

Bullshit. I'm the one paying for my kid's party, and there is no reason I have to invite 15+ kids. My kid is, in fact, closer to some kids than others. They really do have friendships. It's really okay to just invite the kids that your kid plays with the most.

OP, it sounds like this girl did NOT have an all-class or all-girls-in-the-class party. So your daughter wasn't the only one "excluded." She was one of many children who were not invited. And you want to retaliate against the girl? I think, first of all, you need to accept that your daughter isn't going to be invited to everything, and second, you need to ask yourself why you're so invested in this.

[Anonymous]

This can't be for real. Don't be a jerk.

[Anonymous]

That as months ago, let it go. As parents, we seem to hold it against our kids or others longer than we should.

You invite the girl-she's innocent. And if they don't show up, fine. You don't exclude her because you don't like the mom. Be the bigger person and invite her especially if you are inviting all of the other girls/kids in the class.
Kids are innocent. Your child will most likely say yes, invite her. If she doesn't, then she has learned that negative exclusion from you.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my DD when she was in preschool. The kid, whom she played with almost every day, didn't invite her to her birthday party. It was right across the street!

But when DD's birthday party came along, we invited the kid.

The parents are assholes. It's not the kid's fault. DD is not friends with this kid, whom she thinks is a jerk, but at the time, it was very painful for her to be excluded. I told her we would not sink to the level of the kid's parents, and DD was fine with inviting her.

[Anonymous]

Thought of this thread as my 8 year old just freaked out that he forgot to invite his "good" friend to a party he had two weeks ago and is begging me to plan another because he feels so bad. He picked the guest list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my DD this year. She came home and told me that a girl in her class had a party and invited all of the girls except her. I felt so terrible for her. She is so little still, and was just so sad. It hurt my heart. And this was after my DD had invited ALL of the girls to her party. Even still, though, when next year's birthday comes around, DD knows she will invite everyone again.

Aww, your DD sounds so sweet and thoughtful. I would feel so bad too. That is so terrible of the parents to do. I really hope that was a misunderstanding.

[Anonymous]

So thankful that birthday parties aren't a huge thing here

[Anonymous]

Sorry but why isn't it appropriate for a mean girl to learn the consequences of her own meanness? Birthday parties aren't the be all and end all.

[Anonymous]

Because she's 5.5 and kids that are 5.5 often don't create their own invite lists and moms are busy and sometimes don't do a good job of being as inclusive as they could be.