can I spurn girl who didnt invite dd to her bday?

[Anonymous]

My child is now in 1st grade but he was in K last year. Our party was for 16 kids. We had family, preschool friends, neighbors and new friends from kindergarten. We made a guest list about 2 months prior to the party. I think he picked 3 or 4 kids from his new class. The week of the party, he freaked out saying he wanted X, Y and Z to come too. Because a few declined, I was able to invite X and Y only. Did not have space for Z. Absolutely nothing against Z. It was space. This year, DS is in 1st grade and we are inviting X, Y and Z.

Your daughter not being invited was probably not malicious or ill intended.

We are having a small home party for our other son. We decided not to do a big class party at some loud party venue. We are having a small home party. Invited 10 families, only 5 of them are from school. 4 of the 5 kids from school will be coming. Does he play with other kids at school? Of course but we did not want to have too many people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is 5.5. There is this girl in her class who had a bday party earlier in the year. DD knew and was quite upset about not being invited to the party, which was pretty fabulous by all accounts. Most of the time in our school the whole class is invited to a birthday party, or at least all kids of the same gender. money/space was not an issue for these guys.. It seems like the girls play together at school and the friend's name comes up fairly often. DD's birthday is approaching and I really would like to not invite this other girl. I think her parents were rude in excluding my kid, and I feel no obligation to have her. DD goes between saying I wont invite her, and I'd like to invite her.
is it childish of me? is it fair? i am leaning towards telling dd, we will only have your friends who have invited you to their birthdays...

Who is 5.5, your kid or yourself?

[Anonymous]

Was your DD actually excluded or not included in a small group of girls? Very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow- you need a cold shower. You are teaching your dd mean girl behavior. If the PARENTS didn't invite your dd you want to punish their DD? How about being nice and remembering the Golden rule.

This girl drama starts so damn early

In this case, only because it's being modeled by an insecure, petty parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow- you need a cold shower. You are teaching your dd mean girl behavior. If the PARENTS didn't invite your dd you want to punish their DD? How about being nice and remembering the Golden rule.

This girl drama starts so damn early

In this case, only because it's being modeled by an insecure, petty parent.

OP could host a great party, become friendly with the other DD's parents and the girls could be lifelong friends...or not.

I got to know my children's friends' parents at birthday parties. We are not necessarily friends but friendly. Parents seem nice enough and we do drop off play dates now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP, when your daughter grows up to be a mean girl bitch...look back on this moment. You taught it to her.

look in the mirror. you sound like the bitch.

I think you are confusing honesty with bitch.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my first graders for a playdate. We were new to the neighborhood and a same aged girl (Larla) went around the bus stop and invited every kids except mine to a play date at her house - While Larla's mother was standing there! I was livid. (at the mother - because, Jesus, who wouldn't say something to their kid while they were being an asshole!?)

My kids were hurt and as we talked about it they said they were going to do the same thing to her. I said "You absolutely will not. Do you like how it felt when she did that to you?"

Fast forward a few weeks later and we had all the first grade girls over for a play date and it was great fun. Now they are all pals.

If you don't like how it made you or your daughter felt when she wasn't invited to a party -- don't do that to someone else. Be the adult.

[Anonymous]

Oh calm down everyone, OP is feeling a "mama bear" moment. And that's ok. So, stop hurling insults.

OP, take a breath. It's going to be ok. This stuff is going to happen and you're going to have to roll with it. I get the inclination you have here but in this instance (not all) I think you need to invite the girl, especially if your DD wants it. At this age, there is a lot of back and forth / friends then not. And, it is possible that her invitation was lost or what have you. (We had thought our DD wasn't invited to a party last year - the only one not invited. A week or two after, it came home in her weekly folder stuck inside some other papers, unopened.) It happens.

You DD at this age is going to take her cues from you. So be calm about it.

[Anonymous]

When was the other party? DS has an October bday.
There are kids he is quite good friends with now who we did not invite to his party. I have always thought if his bday was later in the year the guest list would be a bit different.

If your daughter is friends with the girl then I don't see why you would even consider excluding her. We have about 15 kids each year and we certainly don't get 15 invites a year. Some kids don't have parties, some kids are born in the summer and don't invite DS. That is the way it is.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. Did they invite everyone but your daughter or did they just invite some kids and you think she should be included based on the criteria most people use in inviting kids? Because one is way worse than the other. Either way, I would invite her OR invite less than half the class so she isn't the only one excluded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When was the other party? DS has an October bday.
There are kids he is quite good friends with now who we did not invite to his party. I have always thought if his bday was later in the year the guest list would be a bit different.

If your daughter is friends with the girl then I don't see why you would even consider excluding her. We have about 15 kids each year and we certainly don't get 15 invites a year. Some kids don't have parties, some kids are born in the summer and don't invite DS. That is the way it is.

Exactly this. We invite about 20 kids and have around 15 kids attend every year. We probably only get invited to 10 parties, maybe even less. There are some parties we get invited to that we didn't invite the kid and vice versa.

Not everyone has a party. Others have super small parties or family only. Next yr I might let DS pick 2-3 friends only and do something special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh calm down everyone, OP is feeling a "mama bear" moment. And that's ok. So, stop hurling insults.

OP, take a breath. It's going to be ok. This stuff is going to happen and you're going to have to roll with it. I get the inclination you have here but in this instance (not all) I think you need to invite the girl, especially if your DD wants it. At this age, there is a lot of back and forth / friends then not. And, it is possible that her invitation was lost or what have you. (We had thought our DD wasn't invited to a party last year - the only one not invited. A week or two after, it came home in her weekly folder stuck inside some other papers, unopened.) It happens.

You DD at this age is going to take her cues from you. So be calm about it.

+1 good answer. I have been angry when someone hurts my kid's feelings.

[Anonymous]

BTDT - my kid is 10

In K -3, I found that guest lists were still very much driven by who the parent wanted vs. who the child wanted to attend.

It's fine to not invite the kid if your child is ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with letting the child dictate the guest list. At this age, she should not be allowed to exclude kids. A 5-year-old may not have the capacity for empathy and may choose not to invite because of trivial reasons (talks with a lisp, colors poorly, etc.) When kids are older and develop deeper friendships, they start having smaller parties where the closest friends are invited. Until then, the entire class, or at least the same gender children, should be invited.

What if you have 26 kids in your K class and your kid was at a different school the previous couple of years and has friends from that school? So the old friends get discarded? DD was able to invite half of her class this year. But she doesn't play with all the girls b/c she's sporty and likes Star Wars and doesn't do tea parties and some of the other things some of the girls do. So she was allowed to choose 13 kids combined from her class (and basketball team, which is made up of kids in the class), plus 5 friends from her previous school. She was thoughtful about her choice and in the end asked us for a 14th kid b/c it turned out, given the logistics, one boy at her table wouldn't have been invited and she didn't want him to be upset.

[Anonymous]

OP, grow up. You are supposed to be teaching your child to be gracious and emotionally resilient. Instead, you are acting like a bitchy 13 year old. Stop that. Invite all of the girls in the class. Be gracious and kind.