Has a family member cut you out? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, can you please answer why you didn't take a cab home or make them take a cab if it was your car? You totally had the right to say, "I am going home," but no right to force them to leave.

OP here. We came in a car together and my sister was the DD. It did not occur to me that one of us should leave without the rest.

You sound controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because his dysfunctional wife made up crap.

Really? What?

(Somehow, I suspect somebody else is dysfunctional too)

I'm not perfect, sure. Doesn't change the fact that his wife is insecure and threatened by all relationships he has that she can't control.

You still haven't told us what she "made up" -- was it about something you did to her? her kids? Their $$$?

Why would your brother cut you off just because "evil bitch wife" said something if you had a perfect relationship?

No one asked me what she had made up. She basically said I said things I didn't and that I did things I didn't. She also provoked me until I got upset and then acted innocent. She regularly gaslights people.

I didn't say this was my brother.

No relationship is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're on the receiving end of a family member cutting you off, why did it happen? How do you feel about it?

My younger sister cut me off. We lived together for 4 years after I graduated and she was going to school. We would fight about everything. I was messy and she was tidy; she took my car and would leave for a day while I had no way of getting around; I wanted us to be friends but she wanted to keep her "personal life" private. We used to go out together and were friends. I confided in her about everything but it turned out she did not feel comfortable sharing her life with me. It turned into a one sided relationship. Last we talked she blamed me saying I was unapproachable and she could not confide anything in me. I was deeply hurt since I thought we were best friends. When I found out she had had a boyfriend which she denied having when I asked her about it, I was done. Funnily enough, she cut ME out.

OP - are you also the OP of this post: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/516172.page

If so, I think you know why your sister cut you out - you are controlling, judgmental and, create drama. It sounds like your sister has tried to establish boundaries with you and you didn't pick up on it and respect her need for space.

[Anonymous]

I believe that my parents are trying to cut me off. We used to talk a few times a week, now barely at all. I have called my mother numerous times and left messages and she never answers the phone or calls me back. I have not talked to her in a month, I have only received one short text a few weeks ago. My Dad is not a big phone person, but I have texted a few times and he usually does not respond. This has been going on for a year now, and the communications just get fewer and further between. Meanwhile, I see from FB that they are getting together often with other relatives and with my sister and her DS. The really sad thing is that they show almost no interest in my DD. My parents (particularly my mother) are very money, status-oriented people. They believe that if you don't have a big corporate job and you aren't living in a McMansion, you are a loser. Well, I fail on these accounts and I guess that they are so ashamed of me that they can't deal with it anymore. My sister pretty much confirmed that this is the problem they have. I have always been a good daughter though, kind, loving, generous, and supportive, but I guess that that isn't enough. I am clearly an embarrassment to them. I don't care about myself, but I can't believe that they are cutting my DD out too. I see all of these women on FB bragging about how great their grandchildren are, and I just get so sad. My IL's are fairly distant grandparents too, so there isn't much there. Unless she murders someone, I can't ever imagine being so disappointed and ashamed in my DD that I would not speak to her or her children. So weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe that my parents are trying to cut me off. We used to talk a few times a week, now barely at all. I have called my mother numerous times and left messages and she never answers the phone or calls me back. I have not talked to her in a month, I have only received one short text a few weeks ago. My Dad is not a big phone person, but I have texted a few times and he usually does not respond. This has been going on for a year now, and the communications just get fewer and further between. Meanwhile, I see from FB that they are getting together often with other relatives and with my sister and her DS. The really sad thing is that they show almost no interest in my DD. My parents (particularly my mother) are very money, status-oriented people. They believe that if you don't have a big corporate job and you aren't living in a McMansion, you are a loser. Well, I fail on these accounts and I guess that they are so ashamed of me that they can't deal with it anymore. My sister pretty much confirmed that this is the problem they have. I have always been a good daughter though, kind, loving, generous, and supportive, but I guess that that isn't enough. I am clearly an embarrassment to them. I don't care about myself, but I can't believe that they are cutting my DD out too. I see all of these women on FB bragging about how great their grandchildren are, and I just get so sad. My IL's are fairly distant grandparents too, so there isn't much there. Unless she murders someone, I can't ever imagine being so disappointed and ashamed in my DD that I would not speak to her or her children. So weird.

You've posted before, I believe. Stop calling. Stop leaving messages. Let them come to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, can you please answer why you didn't take a cab home or make them take a cab if it was your car? You totally had the right to say, "I am going home," but no right to force them to leave.

OP here. We came in a car together and my sister was the DD. It did not occur to me that one of us should leave without the rest.

You sound controlling.

And if sister was the DD (assuming this means designated driver) why was she getting drunk and silly as you stated on page 1?

[Anonymous]

My brother cut me and several other family members out when he became immersed in the Church of Scientology. We were deemed "suppressive persons" or some such nonsense. Sadly, it has lasted over 20 years, with the exception of him coming to my wedding in 1997.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe that my parents are trying to cut me off. We used to talk a few times a week, now barely at all. I have called my mother numerous times and left messages and she never answers the phone or calls me back. I have not talked to her in a month, I have only received one short text a few weeks ago. My Dad is not a big phone person, but I have texted a few times and he usually does not respond. This has been going on for a year now, and the communications just get fewer and further between. Meanwhile, I see from FB that they are getting together often with other relatives and with my sister and her DS. The really sad thing is that they show almost no interest in my DD. My parents (particularly my mother) are very money, status-oriented people. They believe that if you don't have a big corporate job and you aren't living in a McMansion, you are a loser. Well, I fail on these accounts and I guess that they are so ashamed of me that they can't deal with it anymore. My sister pretty much confirmed that this is the problem they have. I have always been a good daughter though, kind, loving, generous, and supportive, but I guess that that isn't enough. I am clearly an embarrassment to them. I don't care about myself, but I can't believe that they are cutting my DD out too. I see all of these women on FB bragging about how great their grandchildren are, and I just get so sad. My IL's are fairly distant grandparents too, so there isn't much there. Unless she murders someone, I can't ever imagine being so disappointed and ashamed in my DD that I would not speak to her or her children. So weird.

I'm thinking she might be doing you a favor. What horrible people. I had a dad that did the obligation phone calls, but never would visit or be active in my kids lives. He re-married, our family condo suddenly had her name on it and guess who got it when he died. They had their own home and some rental property. I visited a few times wondering what happened to my stuff I had in my room long ago at the condo.

All I can say is move on. It may be worth it to get a new number and completely cut them off. Does you have a good relationship with your sister?

[Anonymous]

My sister cut me off right after she had her children. Until then we were very close. I tried and tried, finally I had it. Now that her husband died, her one daughter moved to another country...I really don't want her to visit me. We'll talk on the phone, but that's it I'm done.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws have cut me off. There was huge drama between my husband and me the day after my dad died, resulting in my husband not being welcomed at my dad's funeral. (This was my mom's decision. I had no say in the matter, but supported her decision to have whomever she wanted at her husband of 51 years funeral). Since hearing of it, my in-laws refuse to have anything to do with me. They have a long history of cutting people out of their lives - both sides of their families are completely estranged. My FIL litigated himself out of his family when there was a dispute over who got what stock upon his dad's death, so this goes way back. And my MIL has cut herself off from her entire family, mostly because they're weird in all honesty. One nephew supports himself by suing businesses for any and all grievances, and they just settle, but that's how he lives. It's kind of bizarre. It's been a few months, and I actually kind of miss talking to them, but given their history I just don't have the energy to try to dig my way back into their lives. I don't in any way restrict our daughter's access to them, but they live far out of town and so it's not really an issue.