Has a family member cut you out? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because his dysfunctional wife made up crap.

Really? What?

(Somehow, I suspect somebody else is dysfunctional too)

[Anonymous]

My brother cut me out. He's mentally ill and has some kind of social anxiety disorder. He lives on our parents' farm and seldom leaves. He doesn't like them but since he relies on them he has to talk to them. I think he cut me out because I'm the one who managed to escape.

I miss him. We're in our 40s and were extremely close as kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? How long ago did this happen? In your case, it sounds temporary. Just keep trying and keep it light and superficial and she'll be back.

In my case, we are all 45 yrs, 50+ yrs and 60+ yrs old and i am afraid there's no going back. I believe the reasons i was cut out are relatively trivial but because of the age of my sibs, they are not very flexible and our mother is very old/will be gone soon and i think that's it for us! I try to make contact with every visit (they live near mother, i live distant) but it's no go. Good luck OP.

We're in our twenties. I am late she is middle. A part of me is relieved because I honestly feel a little happy. Trying to be around her the last few months was emotionally painful and hurtful because she did not reciprocate my gestures of friendship or intimacy. She had started blocking me out over the past few years. At first, we'd go out together with mutual friends. Slowly, I got sick of the going out because I'm 4 years older and had work in the AM. We had this one incident where it was her friend's 21st birthday and it was a Sunday. The two of them insisted on going out to celebrate. Since I knew the girl pretty well, I decided to go along too but had the first day of my job the next day. I told them I can stay until midnight but we need to come back soon after. I go along until midnight and then start telling them to leave. They do not want to and start getting drunk and silly. I finally tell them to seriously cut it out and how I have the first day of my new job in the morning and I need to get home. They are so mad at me and don't speak to me on the drive home. The next day my sister berates me for being a "bad friend" and how I should have "sucked it up" since it was her birthday. I countered that with the fact that if they were MY good friends they wouldn't have made me stay out so late on the night before my first job.

After this night she stopped going out with me. Slowly I was excluded from her social circle and built my own. I always invited her to my events and around my friends/BFs and she kept hers separate. When I was interested in a guy or dating, she got the play by play and she had a BF for 5 months and I had no idea until her friend yelled at me saying he needs to be invited to her graduation party since he's her boyfriend.

Too much drama. She's not a very nice girl.

Why couldn't they stay out? It was inappropriate to demand that they go home because you had something to do. They didn't make you go out, you could have taken a taxi. It sounds like a bad dynamic had been building up between to.

This. Why were you insisting that everyone had to leave because YOU had to? Why didn't you just take a cab home?

[Anonymous]

I cut off my first cousin because I realized that I was dreading seeing her each time due to her cutting and mean remarks. I'm so much happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister cut me out when I was born. She was 3 and was adamant about not wanting another kid. She has been 100% consistent for 51 years.

+1

THIS, OP!

[Anonymous]

My husband has cut off two of his siblings. They have tons of dysfunction in their lives and their negativity and toxic natures makes us miserable.
I was initially sad about it but we are much happier for it.

[Anonymous]

My aunt. Don't know and don't care. She's always mad at somebody about something and I can't be bothered to get caught up with her drama.

[Anonymous]

My dad cut me out after my mom died and he began dating again (a few months after her death). By the time I was in my mid twenties, we had almost no communication at all. I learned about his wedding from a family friend who casually mentioned it to me.

For years, I thought it was temporary and that the situation would resolve. I spent a ton of money on therapy for myself, and spent far, far too much time hating myself because of the situation with my dad, and writing him long, heart-felt emails (at the advice of various friends and therapists, all of whom supported my delusion that my dad would eventually want me in his life again if I could just "try to understand what he's going through" long enough and wait) that he would either ignore or respond to in one or two sentences about the weather or similar, completely ignoring what I had written.

Recently, I have accepted that he really did choose this and wants nothing to do with me. He is not angry with me: he just doesn't care about me, and his priority is his current wife and her children. He hasn't met his "blood" grandchildren because he just doesn't care, and he considers his wife's grandchildren, who I hear he dotes upon, his true family.

I'm 36, btw. My advice to people who have been cut off by family members is to try to find a way to accept their decision instead of trying to change their minds. You can't control their decision, just how you choose to react to it. It isn't worth beating yourself up and trying to figure out what went wrong because you will probably never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother has cut off all the family. He's involved with a woman with borderline personality disorder and their lives are nothing but chaos.

Keep in mind that the borderline will do anything to isolate your brother. The manipulation, etc. It ends up being easier to cut off people who you love than face the consequences of defying a borderline. Unless he has some other prerogative, he probably misses you very much and can't figure out how to balance everything.

[Anonymous]

Not fully cut out, but we're definitely on limited engagement. It's not clear whether he considers himself as having cut me off or if he thinks he's giving me space. I haven't bothered to ask. The last few times I've seen him he's been rude enough to me that my other siblings yelled at him to cut it out. I don't engage or respond. We used to be very close but now we have different values and he's kind of guy who thinks that people who disagree with him are idiots. He's always struggled with anger management, so even though I'm disappointed that this is where we're at right now, I can't say I'm surprised that eventually the rage circled round my way. My approach is to not poke the bear and to wait it out.

Hopefully, it'll pass in the next few years. He always said he wanted to be an involved uncle and he's really missing out on some awesome years with my girls. It's his call, but if he comes around in the future, my door will be open.

[Anonymous]

My aunt and her daughter are always cutting people off for some reason. They are practically professional victims at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother has cut off all the family. He's involved with a woman with borderline personality disorder and their lives are nothing but chaos.

Keep in mind that the borderline will do anything to isolate your brother. The manipulation, etc. It ends up being easier to cut off people who you love than face the consequences of defying a borderline. Unless he has some other prerogative, he probably misses you very much and can't figure out how to balance everything.

Riiight. All these sils who are so upset that their brothers grew up, got married, and got a life away from mommy and daddy. Nothing dysfunctional there, right? Should he have married you instead. I swear my sils wished they had married their brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad cut me out after my mom died and he began dating again (a few months after her death). By the time I was in my mid twenties, we had almost no communication at all. I learned about his wedding from a family friend who casually mentioned it to me.

For years, I thought it was temporary and that the situation would resolve. I spent a ton of money on therapy for myself, and spent far, far too much time hating myself because of the situation with my dad, and writing him long, heart-felt emails (at the advice of various friends and therapists, all of whom supported my delusion that my dad would eventually want me in his life again if I could just "try to understand what he's going through" long enough and wait) that he would either ignore or respond to in one or two sentences about the weather or similar, completely ignoring what I had written.

Recently, I have accepted that he really did choose this and wants nothing to do with me. He is not angry with me: he just doesn't care about me, and his priority is his current wife and her children. He hasn't met his "blood" grandchildren because he just doesn't care, and he considers his wife's grandchildren, who I hear he dotes upon, his true family.

I'm 36, btw. My advice to people who have been cut off by family members is to try to find a way to accept their decision instead of trying to change their minds. You can't control their decision, just how you choose to react to it. It isn't worth beating yourself up and trying to figure out what went wrong because you will probably never know.

oh wow. how painful for you. sorry to hear this but from what you wrote, you seem like you at least know how to think about your dad cutting you off. you sound brave.

[Anonymous]

My brother cut us all off after married a narcissistic BPD. She slowly controlled his life and his brain. They are both sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother cut us all off after married a narcissistic BPD. She slowly controlled his life and his brain. They are both sick.

I don't get how apparently every SIL has bpd.