If back in the dating game, how important to you would slimness be in a prospective partner?

[Anonymous]

I think that being overweight is a significant handicap in online dating and there's no fudging it. If you lie, your date will show up and discount you and feel cheated. If you dont lie, you will be passed over by many, but not all people. So, if you're overweight, then this is your reality.

On the other hand, I think being average is fine, as long as you are honest about what that is (most americans are overweight, so 'average' is not the average of americans, but someone with a BMI sort of in the middle range). I also think it depends on your demographics. If you are looking for someone 45 and up, you are probably going to accept imperfections, and if you are not, then you are going to have a hard time meeting someone. And then there are personal preferences.

i also think that with online dating, people screen very quickly based on categories and photos (which is why people lie because they assume if they squeak by someone's filter they'll charm them in person, but that rarely works out) but the whole package counts once you meet, so while I advocate for being in decent shape, how you dress, carry yourself, listen to others, treat others, and generally live your life is going to make a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

If older and overweight you could start having related health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like my men to be ripped, so that's very important.
I just think men look so unattractive when big. Very womanly. And they feel soft and squishy, which is also feminine.

Another way for men to be attractive regardless of body

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Being thin or slim seem so pointless. I'd rather have someone who's fit, in shape, and athletic.

That's nice, but these are euphemisms for thin or slim.

They are misleading. The only times in my life I've been thin were when I was ill and definitely not able to be active. My fiancé met me at size 12-14 and very active. Our first date was hiking.

[Anonymous]

Woman here. Slimness wouldn't be the criterion, it would be activity level. I myself could lose 10 pounds, but I am very active and would want a fit partner, even if he had a few extra pounds.

[Anonymous]

As PPs said, there's no getting around the superficial element of the first spark of interest. You have to assume that no one knows that you're really wonderfully intelligent, caring, passionate and an all round fantastic partner. They're looking at your pictures. Forget what other people's profiles say and focus on making your profile eye catching. Don't lie or mislead, but make the most of what you have. You will be contacted by people who like what they see (both pics and write up).

If you see an interesting profile, but the person lists qualities that you do not believe you have, just keep moving. The pool is too vast to get overly invested right off the bat. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is telling that people clearly understand that being overweight is unattractive, yet they don't care enough about the marriage to actually put in the effort. Suddenly divorced, they put forth the effort. I honesty think this is why so many marriages fail. People just stop putting in the effor with their spouse.

I got overweight because 95% of the household and child related work falls to me, yet I work outside the home 45 hours a week as well. If he wanted the me I was 20 pounds ago, he has to do more work. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Fat people can date and marry other fat people. I really don't see a problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is telling that people clearly understand that being overweight is unattractive, yet they don't care enough about the marriage to actually put in the effort. Suddenly divorced, they put forth the effort. I honesty think this is why so many marriages fail. People just stop putting in the effor with their spouse.

I got overweight because 95% of the household and child related work falls to me, yet I work outside the home 45 hours a week as well. If he wanted the me I was 20 pounds ago, he has to do more work. Simple.

I don't understand what that has to do with your diet. You're fat because you eat too much. Not because you do too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is telling that people clearly understand that being overweight is unattractive, yet they don't care enough about the marriage to actually put in the effort. Suddenly divorced, they put forth the effort. I honesty think this is why so many marriages fail. People just stop putting in the effor with their spouse.

I got overweight because 95% of the household and child related work falls to me, yet I work outside the home 45 hours a week as well. If he wanted the me I was 20 pounds ago, he has to do more work. Simple.

It doesn't sound like you really care what you look like. Saying that you do too much of the household work is a convenient excuse but totally false. It's interesting that people always say that they need more time to work out in order to lose weight. Diet is a more important factor and I doubt that you would actually use the extra free time to work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is telling that people clearly understand that being overweight is unattractive, yet they don't care enough about the marriage to actually put in the effort. Suddenly divorced, they put forth the effort. I honesty think this is why so many marriages fail. People just stop putting in the effor with their spouse.

I got overweight because 95% of the household and child related work falls to me, yet I work outside the home 45 hours a week as well. If he wanted the me I was 20 pounds ago, he has to do more work. Simple.

I don't understand what that has to do with your diet. You're fat because you eat too much. Not because you do too much.

Spoken like someone who has never tried to do too much.

[Anonymous]

"All these "healthy weight" because it means they are healthy people folks are funny. You don't care if they are healthy. A "healthy" weight doesn't always mean a healthy person. You just don't want them to be fat."

+2. I consider myself more on the "healthy" and "average" than thin (I think my BMI is around 21, so I'm not chubby but also not super skinny). However, I market myself on-line as "thin" because I've found that even checking off the "athletic" box seems to connote "chubby," and I get fewer responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is telling that people clearly understand that being overweight is unattractive, yet they don't care enough about the marriage to actually put in the effort. Suddenly divorced, they put forth the effort. I honesty think this is why so many marriages fail. People just stop putting in the effor with their spouse.

I got overweight because 95% of the household and child related work falls to me, yet I work outside the home 45 hours a week as well. If he wanted the me I was 20 pounds ago, he has to do more work. Simple.

I don't understand what that has to do with your diet. You're fat because you eat too much. Not because you do too much.

Spoken like someone who has never tried to do too much.

I still don't understand why you are blaming your weight on your DH "making" you do too much. I would think that someone sitting on the couch all day watching TV and eating would be fat but not someone that is constantly busy. Your food choices (type and amount) are the culprit here. Be honest with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is telling that people clearly understand that being overweight is unattractive, yet they don't care enough about the marriage to actually put in the effort. Suddenly divorced, they put forth the effort. I honesty think this is why so many marriages fail. People just stop putting in the effor with their spouse.

I got overweight because 95% of the household and child related work falls to me, yet I work outside the home 45 hours a week as well. If he wanted the me I was 20 pounds ago, he has to do more work. Simple.

I don't understand what that has to do with your diet. You're fat because you eat too much. Not because you do too much.

Spoken like someone who has never tried to do too much.

I still don't understand why you are blaming your weight on your DH "making" you do too much. I would think that someone sitting on the couch all day watching TV and eating would be fat but not someone that is constantly busy. Your food choices (type and amount) are the culprit here. Be honest with yourself.

Business and food choices come into play when you don't have the time or energy to cook healthy foods and eat regular meals. Get your head out of your ass, PP.

[Anonymous]

To answer your question, OP, no, not super-important. I'm female though, and I imagine it's different for most guys. On the other hand, guys generally won't care how much you make. I will