Low earning husband who does not want to share any housework or parenting duties

[Anonymous]

**gifs**

[Anonymous]

^^^ More like you know it's gone to hell when the misogynistic relationship forum trolls find it...

[Anonymous]

I am reading some of these to my husband and he says, " so the only good men are the ones who vaccuum and mop and act like women?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am reading some of these to my husband and he says, " so the only good men are the ones who vaccuum and mop and act like women?"

Your husband sounds like a piece of trash. I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am reading some of these to my husband and he says, " so the only good men are the ones who vaccuum and mop and act like women?"

if vacuuming and mopping is what needs doing, then yes.

[Anonymous]

Go back to a counselor right away. I recommend seeing a male counselor. Your husband is more likely to listen to another man.

[Anonymous]

Is there a cycle of resentment? That will kill a relationship.

Work more and outsource more. If you have the space, you can hire an au pair to help with the kids and house.

[Anonymous]

Vacuuming is hard manual labor! LOL No way women should do it. I'll trade it for doing dishes any day.

[Anonymous]

He's another child at this point. Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go back to a counselor right away. I recommend seeing a male counselor. Your husband is more likely to listen to another man.

This briefly helped in my first marriage, but then things escalated from emotional and financial abuse as soon as I got pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vacuuming is hard manual labor! LOL No way women should do it. I'll trade it for doing dishes any day.

I hate dishes. I would rather clean the bathroom than do dishes twice a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP check your cultural bias. The man's role is to impregnate the woman the woman's rolenis to take care of the children. Equality of the sexes is a first world affectation. Get over it.

Did someone drop you on your head when you were little?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Have you tried going on strike?
Making meals for everyone except him.
Doing everyone's laundry except his.
Cleaning up the common areas and kids' bedrooms, but not his areas, if he has any. Perhaps telling him to sleep on the couch so that you can have a clean bedroom without having to clean up his stuff?
Not buying anything for him when going shopping.
Not consulting him at all on anything, making weekend plans with playdates and activities and seeing friends, but not telling him.

Basically, shutting him out until he sees reason.

+1.

Act as a single mother.

Op here. this is where I have been headed recently. I figured it will help me adjust before a divorce, at the very least, give me a little more calm and quiet, and maybe reduce the workload. The idea that it will have an impact on him is not one I think is healthy to count on.

Yes, i think that would be the best strategy. You can test it out and see how truly wonderful the freedom is.

You never know, this might actually impact him. When my DH and I were pre-kids, we more or less did things 50-50. Then I stayed home with my first kid, and stuff started to tip very unequally, despite all my frequent requests for help. Eventually I went back to work full time and just. stopped. doing. stuff. For HIM. I kept doing stuff for the kids. Its made a huge change in our lives now - he cooks, cleans, does school drop off, bedtime...a LOT more than when I was a SAHM. And since my job is federal/pretty low key, I actually have less work as a WOHM than a SAHM, purely because I forced a change on DH. If nothing else, you working full time will help you get peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

He definitely needs to help. But I'm confused. The AMOUNT he makes has nothing to do with it. He doesn't need to clean extra to make up for the fact that his income isn't to your satisfaction when he works full time. If he is doing nothing, that is a HUGE issue. But you work part time and he works full time. It makes more sense for you to be doing more of the housework because you are home to do it. Maybe I'm misunderstanding but it sounds like you want him to do extra because you're upset his income isn't super high. You don't say if it is what it is (which isn't that awful despite what DCUM will make you think) because he doesn't work hard or because of the field he is in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's killing me..... I feel like I married a guy from a developing country who basically expects the wife to be a servant. I have complained vocally for 2-3 yrs and am at a loss. Considering separation. But then I stop and think, is this better than being divorced? Socially, I suppose so. There seems to be a stigma there.... . But otherwise I just am so miserable working non stop. We tried having a housekeeper, he did even less, and with young kids, there was still tons of work for me. I didn't feel the help was worth what it was costing us on a monthly basis. we scaled back to a light cleanup biweekly. the money still feels really high to me, but I know that little bit of help keeps me sane.

I just don't know how long I can last. It's been 8 yrs. He makes 65k, which covers our mortgage and utilities and groceries. I earn under him, 45-60k but it's variable, and part time so i can pick up kids. My earnings are essentaly everything that go to our savings, our meager disposable income. I have argued for moving further out (we live in the city in a townhouse that is totally out of our budget), me working full time, renting out part of our house... But he refuses to consider any of that, even brown bagging his lunch that I make. We are 41 and have three kids. I feel like a huge fool. BC While there are financial angles to it, at the base it is a communication and respect issue. We tried counseling but our counselor had a suprise health problem early, three sessions in, and we haven't revisited it bc I am running around like a maniac between work, kids, and managing our lives and felt like we couldn't afford it.

I feel like my kids deserve an intact home, but at what cost to me personally? I feel so beat down. any advice if you have been there done that? To anyone who wants to attack or lecture, I don't have time... just wondering if there is any way out short of separation.

OP, your post is breaking my heart because you are me, down to the three kids. I will say, your husband earns way more than mine and I earn a lot more, but the story is still the same. I almost wish we could meet in person because nobody in my circle can relate to what I'm going through. I ponder the same thing: is an intact home for my kids worth the personal cost to me as a human? Sigh... I will post more later after I've had time to read the comments. I just had to send you a hug because I am living your life and I know how hard it is!! Somehow we have to stay strong!!