Low earning husband who does not want to share any housework or parenting duties
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Anonymous
Good for you. Remember it will not all be unicorns and rainbows. It has taken years to get to this point and will take some time to get it to a better spot. To make this work, he has to buy in. So don't just make a list and ambush him. That will shut him down, just like it would if he did it to you. Make your list, tell him you would like to talk about it in a day or two. Set the time and place, have clear goals or steps moving forward and give him some time to digest things. It would be best if you can frame it as here are the problems, what kind of solution can we reach. |
Anonymous
| It's insanity that you are considering divorce when you only did THREE -- count them, three -- counseling sessions. You blame your failure to follow through on counseling on the counselor's health problems. No, it is your job to find a counselor and make this a priority. It is not unusual at all for married couples to need help communicating. You need to BOTH consider how you contribute to your marriage problems. I don't see you doing that. You are making your spouse out to be the bad guy and not thinking about how your overall dynamic works--why did you choose this guy to marry, of all people, and how do you contribute to your failure to act as a team. The idea of acting as a single mother and shutting him out is insane. No. You should be INCREASING your contact with him, via couples therapy. You have three kids. Your expenses, when trying to support TWO households, will go way up. You don't even know that your marriage can't improve! You haven't even really given counseling a try! And you may say to yourself, oh, he won't change. But YOU may need to change how you approach things to get him to change. Your situation sounds stressful and I can see why you just want to run away but that is not the mature thing to do. The mature thing would be to prioritize trying to improve your marriage and make the counseling sessions happen, and not make excuses. |
Anonymous
| 1-800- D I V O R C E |
Anonymous
| PP here with one more thought. You say "I have talked til I was blue in the face." Well, obviously, whatever you are saying has no impact. Perhaps you are blaming him and attacking him, and speaking to him with contempt. Perhaps your general lack of respect for him (and his measly 65K that has left you feeling like a "fool") is coming through loud and clear. You desperately need couples counseling to help you both understand each other and solve your conflicts. This man loves you -- he married you -- you are the mother of his children. You don't say anything that suggests he is not a decent guy other than that he doesn't earn a lot of money and doesn't do a lot of housework or child-rearing. I can understand why you are unhappy about that, but it's a common problem that can be talked about and worked through. You guys need to have a person who can help keep your conversations constructive so that you can understand each other. If the first couples counselor is not one that you both like, find another one. Don't present it to your husband as you need to go to counseling so that he can be fixed and become just the way you want him to be. That's not what it is. It's about learning about each other so you can become emotionally closer and better able to work as a loving team. |
Anonymous
| Why did you have three children? |
Anonymous
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Set up an appointment with a family law firm and start planning OP. Get a higher paying job and start stashing in savings. Make a game plan, then go.
Wishing you the best. You deserve better. |
Anonymous
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My husband makes 68k a year and he's educated. That's not low income. Not everyone makes over 100K a year. |
Anonymous
surprise twins. |
Anonymous
| OP check your cultural bias. The man's role is to impregnate the woman the woman's rolenis to take care of the children. Equality of the sexes is a first world affectation. Get over it. |
Anonymous
PLEASE STOP SPEWING BULLSHIT. |
Anonymous
How dare that extra fetus sneak up on you like that! You should have aborted it not bitch about having to take care of it. Its not your husbands fault you chose to bring it to term. |
Anonymous
Its not bullshit you profane cow. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Anonymous
| sigh, you know your thread has gone to hell when the gods start showing up |