DH complains that I ask him to do too many things

[Anonymous]

You should NEVER do any sexual things for your DH if you do not enjoy it.

Sex is a two way deal that you indulge in because it feels good to both of you. It should not be an inducement for getting chores done.

I do not agree with any of the posters who suggest withholding sex because your husband does not take out the trash. You use sex like a currency in a marriage and you are very soon a prostitute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like it when my wife gives me a list. The drip, drip, drip of tasks gets tiring. Of course, if she puts it in a list, it becomes clear that she asks more of me than I ask of her.

Or you're just not proactive or taking initiative. My wife zones ot bc she's knows that I'm in the military and notice what needs to be done. Thus we do things together or I delegate out what I can't do in addition to what I am already doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tonight DH told me he feels I ask him to do 16+ things "every day" and "within 10 minutes" when he gets home.

This has a me a bit upset. This is a man who refused to eat left overs. Wants only very specific meals. Hot when he comes home (which of course is different times depending on traffic.) Wants blow jobs 2-4X a week. Wants specific sexual favors. Wants me to dress up. Have I mentioned that I do all these things? I ask him to take out the trash because I hate the smell and I admit that I hate being cold. I ask him to do things like "please put your beer bottles in the trash" and "please don't leave dirty dishes in the sink after I go to bed (and have finished cleaning up kitchen.)"

I am really put out that his description of me is that I'm demanding, when I truly feel he's the demanding one!!!

I agree with him about not putting beer bottles in the trash, because they should go in the recycling.

This cracked me up so hard.

[Anonymous]

If he's leaving his beer cans lying around, then that's not you asking him to do things for you, or for the kids, or for your marriage. By leaving his beer cans around, he's asking you to pick up after him - you're saying no thanks.

But clear, don't let him confuse the issue - when he doesn't clean up after himself, and waits to be reminded to help keep the household running, *he's the one asking you* to take care of him like a baby.

1+. OP, I think this is the problem. He is not even cleaning up after *himself*. You are not making requests: a "request" implies something beyond this baseline. Your situation is so lopsided that it is going to be hard to unravel. Incidentally the best way to avoid doing a "request" is to complain about someone's tone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If he's leaving his beer cans lying around, then that's not you asking him to do things for you, or for the kids, or for your marriage. By leaving his beer cans around, he's asking you to pick up after him - you're saying no thanks.

But clear, don't let him confuse the issue - when he doesn't clean up after himself, and waits to be reminded to help keep the household running, *he's the one asking you* to take care of him like a baby.

1+. OP, I think this is the problem. He is not even cleaning up after *himself*. You are not making requests: a "request" implies something beyond this baseline. Your situation is so lopsided that it is going to be hard to unravel. Incidentally the best way to avoid doing a "request" is to complain about someone's tone.

ah yes, play the fake victim card: "How DARE you ask me 5x to put my trash in the garbage can. Shut up!"

[Anonymous]

and then he wonders why his kids have behavioral problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tonight DH told me he feels I ask him to do 16+ things "every day" and "within 10 minutes" when he gets home.

This has a me a bit upset. This is a man who refused to eat left overs. Wants only very specific meals. Hot when he comes home (which of course is different times depending on traffic.) Wants blow jobs 2-4X a week. Wants specific sexual favors. Wants me to dress up. Have I mentioned that I do all these things? I ask him to take out the trash because I hate the smell and I admit that I hate being cold. I ask him to do things like "please put your beer bottles in the trash" and "please don't leave dirty dishes in the sink after I go to bed (and have finished cleaning up kitchen.)"

I am really put out that his description of me is that I'm demanding, when I truly feel he's the demanding one!!!

So, you really give him that EVERY.SINGLE.WEEK?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tonight DH told me he feels I ask him to do 16+ things "every day" and "within 10 minutes" when he gets home.

This has a me a bit upset. This is a man who refused to eat left overs. Wants only very specific meals. Hot when he comes home (which of course is different times depending on traffic.) Wants blow jobs 2-4X a week. Wants specific sexual favors. Wants me to dress up. Have I mentioned that I do all these things? I ask him to take out the trash because I hate the smell and I admit that I hate being cold. I ask him to do things like "please put your beer bottles in the trash" and "please don't leave dirty dishes in the sink after I go to bed (and have finished cleaning up kitchen.)"

I am really put out that his description of me is that I'm demanding, when I truly feel he's the demanding one!!!

He should be putting his beer bottles into recycling.