DH complains that I ask him to do too many things

[Anonymous]

You guys sound like you have a very mature relationship based on mutual respect and love.

[Anonymous]

Where the hell do these men get off?

Next time he demands a blow job, use your teeth. Hard. He'll stop asking for them.

[Anonymous]

You should be recycling those beer bottles, not throwing them in the trash.

[Anonymous]

When two individuals reside together, compromises must be made in order for the "set-up" to be a success.

No two individuals are exactly the same!

You both need to be on the same page here....No you need to be in the same book (!!) since you see each other every single day.

Try a better method of communication with your husband. When he actually DOES follow through with something, make sure to commend him so he does know that you do, on occasion appreciate his efforts.

[Anonymous]

Could it be that he doesn't want you to ask him to do things right when he walks in the door? My DH needs about 10 min to decompress when he walks in the door. I usually let him initiate conversation when he is ready.

this isn't 1-sided. He can't ask me to do things when I walk in the door either.

[Anonymous]

My DW only ever asks me to do things in a tone filled with judgment and a touch of whine. It's hard to take. Think about how you present the "ask".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When he actually DOES follow through with something, make sure to commend him so he does know that you do, on occasion appreciate his efforts.

I hate this mindset so much.

When two people form a household, they are both responsible for keeping it up. Why should her DH get a cookie everytime he picks up after himself? Men aren't children - they don't need an m&m everytime they pee in the potty. Surely OP isn't getting a parade everytime she cleans up the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When he actually DOES follow through with something, make sure to commend him so he does know that you do, on occasion appreciate his efforts.

I hate this mindset so much.

When two people form a household, they are both responsible for keeping it up. Why should her DH get a cookie everytime he picks up after himself? Men aren't children - they don't need an m&m everytime they pee in the potty. Surely OP isn't getting a parade everytime she cleans up the kitchen.

I LOVE this mindset. But it has to go both ways.

They both should be complimenting each other for the around the house shit they do. Seriously. YES. She should thank him for taking out the trash. And YES he should be thanking her for putting the dishes away.

My DH is of your mindset. He thinks "shit needs to get done, so I'll do it or you'll do it, but it'll get done." Period. And, yes, he's right. But, you know what? I like it when he says thank you. I don't like doing and doing and doing and not being recognized for the little things. And I think it is important to recognize the little efforts that he does, like putting the new roll of toilet paper on and bringing more into the bathroom. You might think it is stupid, but I think it is respect.

But, both parties should be paying attention and noticing and thanking/complimenting.

[Anonymous]

At least let the man depress for 30 minutes to an hour when he gets home. Not as soon as he gets in the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2-4 BJs a week? In lieu of intercourse? Damn, he is selfish and lazy.

A wife that gives 2-4 BJs/week? Call me when you're divorced. You sound like a catch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where the hell do these men get off?

Next time he demands a blow job, use your teeth. Hard. He'll stop asking for them.

Yikes. And you should NOT call me when you're divorced!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least let the man depress for 30 minutes to an hour when he gets home. Not as soon as he gets in the door.

Is she asking for it to be done immediately? I ask my DH to do xyz. I don't expect him to do it right away, but, I tell him what needs doing when I remember it so that I don't forget, either. This could be when he walks in the door. I need time to decompress, too. But, unfortunately, the kids don't always understand that. So, if the kid has just pooped in his pants, and I'm in the middle of cooking dinner, and DH walks in the door, guess what he needs to do asap, and not in 30min.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When he actually DOES follow through with something, make sure to commend him so he does know that you do, on occasion appreciate his efforts.

I hate this mindset so much.

When two people form a household, they are both responsible for keeping it up. Why should her DH get a cookie everytime he picks up after himself? Men aren't children - they don't need an m&m everytime they pee in the potty. Surely OP isn't getting a parade everytime she cleans up the kitchen.

I LOVE this mindset. But it has to go both ways.

They both should be complimenting each other for the around the house shit they do. Seriously. YES. She should thank him for taking out the trash. And YES he should be thanking her for putting the dishes away.

My DH is of your mindset. He thinks "shit needs to get done, so I'll do it or you'll do it, but it'll get done." Period. And, yes, he's right. But, you know what? I like it when he says thank you. I don't like doing and doing and doing and not being recognized for the little things. And I think it is important to recognize the little efforts that he does, like putting the new roll of toilet paper on and bringing more into the bathroom. You might think it is stupid, but I think it is respect.

But, both parties should be paying attention and noticing and thanking/complimenting.

I'm not saying spouses shouldn't thank each other. Thank each other all the time! I don't think that's stupid - and in fact I do thank my DH (who does as much housework as I do. Sometimes more, if I'm busy/home late from work/whatever).

But it's the mindset that men deserve extra thanks for pitching in that grinds my gears. This is 2016 - wives are not the gatekeepers of the chores, and men aren't 'helping out' when they do their fair share. They're participating as equal partners in the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least let the man depress for 30 minutes to an hour when he gets home. Not as soon as he gets in the door.

Is she asking for it to be done immediately? I ask my DH to do xyz. I don't expect him to do it right away, but, I tell him what needs doing when I remember it so that I don't forget, either. This could be when he walks in the door. I need time to decompress, too. But, unfortunately, the kids don't always understand that. So, if the kid has just pooped in his pants, and I'm in the middle of cooking dinner, and DH walks in the door, guess what he needs to do asap, and not in 30min.

That's an something that obviously needs to be handled right then but for the most part there not urgent items.

[Anonymous]

So just make a list of everything that needs to be done, and each of you put your initial next to the things you each want to do, and then divide up the leftovers between the two of you switching them each month.