DH complains that I ask him to do too many things

[Anonymous]

I like it when my wife gives me a list. The drip, drip, drip of tasks gets tiring. Of course, if she puts it in a list, it becomes clear that she asks more of me than I ask of her.

[Anonymous]

Actually, this might be true in our home, I think I ask my husband to do more ... partly bc of what they value (women, a running, clean home, men, sex). But, the more I that him the more I ask of him. He has said he doesn't want me to feel obligated to do things for him ....

[Anonymous]

More that I TRUST him, I mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like it when my wife gives me a list. The drip, drip, drip of tasks gets tiring. Of course, if she puts it in a list, it becomes clear that she asks more of me than I ask of her.

Is that because she expects you to do more than she does or because you're allowing her to be the grand marshall in charge of All The Things?

I certainly ask my DH to do more than he asks of me. Because I have somehow become the de facto manager of everything home front related in our lives. This doesn't mean that he's doing more - it means I'm managing more.

[Anonymous]

If he's leaving his beer cans lying around, then that's not you asking him to do things for you, or for the kids, or for your marriage. By leaving his beer cans around, he's asking you to pick up after him - you're saying no thanks.

But clear, don't let him confuse the issue - when he doesn't clean up after himself, and waits to be reminded to help keep the household running, *he's the one asking you* to take care of him like a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like it when my wife gives me a list. The drip, drip, drip of tasks gets tiring. Of course, if she puts it in a list, it becomes clear that she asks more of me than I ask of her.

How so? If she is doing her own list of chores, then it seems she is asking plenty of herself, and I bet you wouldnt like it if all of a sudden dishes piled up in the sink, the garbage started to overflow, and the kids had to make meals for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Say "Hey, honey. I want to talk about my requests and your irritation with them. What am I missing here?" Then, tell him you don't like to have to tell him to pick up his beer cans or make more work for you. Remind him that you do a lot to be considerate of his needs. The advice to be passive/aggressive, or bite him during a bj is just stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say "Hey, honey. I want to talk about my requests and your irritation with them. What am I missing here?" Then, tell him you don't like to have to tell him to pick up his beer cans or make more work for you. Remind him that you do a lot to be considerate of his needs. The advice to be passive/aggressive, or bite him during a bj is just stupid.

I agree I don't want to be passive-aggressive and that a lot of the "advice" here isn't going to help me or my marriage. But I'm confused why when I bring up this subject he just says "you ask for too many things." And I end up feeling frustrated.

Like tonight... He got home about 6. I got him a beer. He plopped down on sofa. I cooked dinner. While cooking I asked him about cleaning something up, this is now an hour or more since he got home. He got really pissy. I said "I'm hearing you sound really mad that I'm asking you do this thing." He said "You just seem like you're awfully... pushy." [I think he wanted to say "bitchy" or something like that but then decided that the 'nice way' to say it was "pushy."!!!]

I just don't know what to say?! I feel really frustrated. And angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tonight DH told me he feels I ask him to do 16+ things "every day" and "within 10 minutes" when he gets home.

This has a me a bit upset. This is a man who refused to eat left overs. Wants only very specific meals. Hot when he comes home (which of course is different times depending on traffic.) Wants blow jobs 2-4X a week. Wants specific sexual favors. Wants me to dress up. Have I mentioned that I do all these things? I ask him to take out the trash because I hate the smell and I admit that I hate being cold. I ask him to do things like "please put your beer bottles in the trash" and "please don't leave dirty dishes in the sink after I go to bed (and have finished cleaning up kitchen.)"

I am really put out that his description of me is that I'm demanding, when I truly feel he's the demanding one!!!

I agree with him about not putting beer bottles in the trash, because they should go in the recycling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say "Hey, honey. I want to talk about my requests and your irritation with them. What am I missing here?" Then, tell him you don't like to have to tell him to pick up his beer cans or make more work for you. Remind him that you do a lot to be considerate of his needs. The advice to be passive/aggressive, or bite him during a bj is just stupid.

I agree I don't want to be passive-aggressive and that a lot of the "advice" here isn't going to help me or my marriage. But I'm confused why when I bring up this subject he just says "you ask for too many things." And I end up feeling frustrated.

Like tonight... He got home about 6. I got him a beer. He plopped down on sofa. I cooked dinner. While cooking I asked him about cleaning something up, this is now an hour or more since he got home. He got really pissy. I said "I'm hearing you sound really mad that I'm asking you do this thing." He said "You just seem like you're awfully... pushy." [I think he wanted to say "bitchy" or something like that but then decided that the 'nice way' to say it was "pushy."!!!]

I just don't know what to say?! I feel really frustrated. And angry.

He got home from where? Working all day?

Have you ever had a discussion with him, an actual discussion, about doing the household chores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When he wants a BJ: Sorry honey, the trash needs to be taken out and I know how you hate for me to ask you to do it!
Special meal? Sorry babe, I was busy taking out empty beer bottles and didn't have time to get dinner together!
Dressing up like a naughty schoolgirl? Ooooh, I would, but I don't want to get my plaid skirt dirty while I clean up the kitchen a second time.

Seriously, try saying "no" once in a while

Ha! Exactly.

And tell your DH he's lucky as it is. I don't do ANY of that stuff you do for him. I'd rather take out the trash!

[Anonymous]

And your husband could tell you that you're lucky that he comes home after work. Keep nagging him and maybe he won't some day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say "Hey, honey. I want to talk about my requests and your irritation with them. What am I missing here?" Then, tell him you don't like to have to tell him to pick up his beer cans or make more work for you. Remind him that you do a lot to be considerate of his needs. The advice to be passive/aggressive, or bite him during a bj is just stupid.

I agree I don't want to be passive-aggressive and that a lot of the "advice" here isn't going to help me or my marriage. But I'm confused why when I bring up this subject he just says "you ask for too many things." And I end up feeling frustrated.

Like tonight... He got home about 6. I got him a beer. He plopped down on sofa. I cooked dinner. While cooking I asked him about cleaning something up, this is now an hour or more since he got home. He got really pissy. I said "I'm hearing you sound really mad that I'm asking you do this thing." He said "You just seem like you're awfully... pushy." [I think he wanted to say "bitchy" or something like that but then decided that the 'nice way' to say it was "pushy."!!!]

I just don't know what to say?! I feel really frustrated. And angry.

I'd start by not getting him a beer. WTF. He can get his own damn beer. This isn't 1950, stop catering to him.

[Anonymous]

It's probably that he doesn't like the way you ask him more than what you ask of him. Sounds like you're giving him a lot more than he is you. Try being kinder to each other. Though truly, OP, he sounds selfish and immature.

[Anonymous]

I would first try a serious conversation about respect, partnership, divisionnof laborvand communication. Tjetescs good chance he will use this time to tell you that you areva nag.

So then i would stop doing all those things you do, unasked, and whenn asks where is dinner, can you get me a beer, a bj, i would reply that he seems awfully pushy.

Do you have kids?/do you work out of the home?