If you don't love your parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is socially unacceptable to broadcast that you hate your parents OP. Save it for your therapist. Most people can't understand this because their thinking is not black-and-whtie. You parents were not bad 100%. You are still alive today to write this message. You wouldn't be here if they hadn't fed and given you what you needed to thrive. Your parents had their problems, but maybe you can try respecting them for the things they did right by you. You might find a tiny bit of love in your heart for them. Not so black-and-white.

Oh, just STFU.

No I won't. It's the truth. You can go on and hate until you are as sick as the people you hate. Your parents won't care or lose sleep over it. You can always choose what to focus on. Be miserable or be happy. Be loving or be hateful. Your choice. I feel sorry for you.

Now you are the one being black and white. Who said anything about hate? Who said anything about being miserable? The absence of love does not equal hate.

Okay replace hate with resentment. Still got problems.

There you go being black and white again! The absence of love does not mean you resent someone. Why do you care so much if someone doesn't love their parents? Perhaps your parents abused you and you have so little self worth that you think you should be grateful for the crumbs they threw you and the fact you made it out alive?

You are a moron if you can't see the resentment. It's actually obvious that she hates them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is socially unacceptable to broadcast that you hate your parents OP. Save it for your therapist. Most people can't understand this because their thinking is not black-and-whtie. You parents were not bad 100%. You are still alive today to write this message. You wouldn't be here if they hadn't fed and given you what you needed to thrive. Your parents had their problems, but maybe you can try respecting them for the things they did right by you. You might find a tiny bit of love in your heart for them. Not so black-and-white.

Oh, just STFU.

No I won't. It's the truth. You can go on and hate until you are as sick as the people you hate. Your parents won't care or lose sleep over it. You can always choose what to focus on. Be miserable or be happy. Be loving or be hateful. Your choice. I feel sorry for you.

Now you are the one being black and white. Who said anything about hate? Who said anything about being miserable? The absence of love does not equal hate.

In fact OP specifically said they weren't worth hating.

Yes, that's what she said. In fact, she sounded totally indifferent.

sarcasm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you admit it to people? Have you told your parents?

I was raised by a couple of monsters -- she's a psychopath and he's an alcoholic. My father recently apologized to me for not protecting me and my brother from her when we were kids. However he refused to take ownership of his own abuse. Something inside me said screw it, I don't care about either of these people. They're not worth my hate, but they certainly don't have my love.

I told a friend about the conversation in which my dad justified some of his worst behavior. She said it must hurt to have someone I love do that, and i said I don't love him. "Oh, of course you do," she said.

But I don't. I don't know how anyone could love those people.

Is it socially unacceptable to say you don't love your parents? Why? I would think we can believe people when they talk about their own feelings.

OP my father was an alcoholic-- my parents divorced young and I barely saw him growing up. My mother was/is emotionally unstable-- she was alternately abusive, neglectful, and remorseful. It screwed me up, frankly.

I tried to explain this to another relative- in my case, it's a lack of attachment and a deep well of anger. I am completely estranged from my father- he's never seen his grandson. My mother-- we speak once every few months and I keep it superficial.

There are points in human development where we bond with our parents...if they are abusive, neglectful, or negligent it complicates our feelings and our development. I will say that when I had my own child, witnessed his vulnerability and his need for affection and security, I began to truly mourn what I didn't have-- I also began to feel some contempt for my parents.

[Anonymous]

I think there are a few things that you only ever admit to your close friends.

1. You don't love your parents
2. You aren't close with your siblings
3. You did not love being pregnant
4. You resent or regret being a parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to bend over backwards to forgive them until I had kids. Now, I have to protect my kids from erratic behavior. I'm also much more furious now that I'm a parent because I know just how terrible their parenting really was. It's amazing that I survived to give them grandkids in the first place.

Forgive if you must. Hold a grudge if necessary. Protect your kids at all costs.

It's O.K. to be angry. It may get better as the kids grow older. For me personally, it's worse.

As for "other people," my parents are none of their business. If they're old friends, they know and understand why I'm estranged. New friends aren't that interested, so it never comes up. On the rare occasion that people ask, I say something generic, change the subject back to the speaker and listen. It's a formula that always works.

Good luck.

My feelings for my mother have changed since having kids. My father was abusive, and I used to view her as a victim. But now, I have a hard time understanding her loyalty to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. you're ridiculous.

NP, I don't think so. I could relate to it and felt it thoughtful and to the point.

Another NP. I though, "she clearly has never received an apology from one of my parents." Yes, meet people where they are, accept who they are, but don't build on no foundation.

I'm sorry, OP. Good luck finding peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you admit it to people? Have you told your parents?

I was raised by a couple of monsters -- she's a psychopath and he's an alcoholic. My father recently apologized to me for not protecting me and my brother from her when we were kids. However he refused to take ownership of his own abuse. Something inside me said screw it, I don't care about either of these people. They're not worth my hate, but they certainly don't have my love.

I told a friend about the conversation in which my dad justified some of his worst behavior. She said it must hurt to have someone I love do that, and i said I don't love him. "Oh, of course you do," she said.

But I don't. I don't know how anyone could love those people.

Is it socially unacceptable to say you don't love your parents? Why? I would think we can believe people when they talk about their own feelings.

OP my father was an alcoholic-- my parents divorced young and I barely saw him growing up. My mother was/is emotionally unstable-- she was alternately abusive, neglectful, and remorseful. It screwed me up, frankly.

I tried to explain this to another relative- in my case, it's a lack of attachment and a deep well of anger. I am completely estranged from my father- he's never seen his grandson. My mother-- we speak once every few months and I keep it superficial.

There are points in human development where we bond with our parents...if they are abusive, neglectful, or negligent it complicates our feelings and our development. I will say that when I had my own child, witnessed his vulnerability and his need for affection and security, I began to truly mourn what I didn't have-- I also began to feel some contempt for my parents.

This sums up my experience as well.

OP, I don't love my remaining parent. I recently made an offhand remark about her being a "terrible person" and the person I was speaking to was in complete shock, which was obvious from the person's facial expression and body language. Most people love their parents and can't fathom the idea that some people do not.

[Anonymous]

My mother abandoned me as a child for several years. Eventually came back and things were "fine", but once I had my own children ... there is a contempt I feel for her that is hard to describe. She is in my life, but when I look at her, sometimes it's hard to find the love. I feel you, OP.