Who's In Charge of Maintaining Family Relationships?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should be excused from child care as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you should be excused from child care as well.

How is this comment relevant?

[Anonymous]

We maintain our own families. His family hates it though, he doesn't want a relationship with them due to abuse and for many years I was foolish and pressed a relationship. After we had our child and I saw how out of control and awful they got I pulled back and let my husband take the reigns. Which led to having no contact like he wanted. I soon found out first hand why he hates them, I had to block phone numbers and the police when his dad tried to force his way into my home and threatened me while pregnant with baby 2. It was awful.

So yes, we maintain our own families. Looking back, it was rude of me to try and maintain a relationship with his when he didn't care to. Too pushy.

[Anonymous]

Oops call the police not block them

[Anonymous]

After nearly 18 yrs of marriage and living in the area with two sets of grandparents, I've had to divide and conquer. It's all I can do to manage my parents and siblings so my DH has to manage his alone.

Very little crossover. For instance, I always did Christmas cards and sent them to his relatives, my family friends, his parents' friends. For the past few years it's gotten unmanageable and my DH has zero interest in any aspect of Christmas cards, so I simply quit. Same with Christmas presents. I'd do all the shopping, baking, wrapping for his parents and family and mine. No more.

Phone calls? I don't call my ILs just to chat. I don't go over to visit. I don't vacation with them anymore.

[Anonymous]

OP, your DH is responsible for HIS family and you are responsible for YOUR family. I would not push or instigate as it is not your family and you don't know the history or the family traditions or lack of. Be glad that your family is close and available.

[Anonymous]

I buy birthday gifts/cards for my nieces, nephews, parents, sisters, brother. And they do the same for my DH, me and our kids.

I send holiday cards to my family and my husband's friends and family.

If he wants more with his family, he knows what I do and don't do.

He's never sent a birthday card or gift in 20 years to his family.

They've never sent any to him or our children.
Some things are just not in every family.