Letting Go Of " Mr. Perfect."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, the following are non-negotiable (your list may vary). In rough order:

1. Absolute trust.
2. Shared life vision & values (same attitude about life goals, kids, money, etc.).
3. You have fun together, even when doing everyday tasks.
4. Attraction/sexual compatibility.
5. Similar intellectual capabilities.
6. Mature. Meaning that above qualities are part of person's fundamental character and unlikely to change.
7. Willing to honestly and openly discuss problems with you. Responsive to those discussions.
8. Willing to show appreciation for each other on a regular basis ( added)

When you find someone with those things, marry him. If any one of the above is lacking, look for the exit.

Great list and I would adds to number 6 that which word means that they're not looking for a surrogate parent. That maybe they're not amazing at every chore but if push came to shove they could make sure things got done

This list is pretty spot on. With number 7 that was absolutely what tipped things toward marriage for me. Once I felt confident we could communicate problems with each other and both were committed to trying to work thru them, I knew I wanted to marry him. I met DH at 25 and was fortunate that I didn't really have to deal with much at that point other than my parents divorce/marital issues. But going forward who knows, there could be job loss, infertility, my health, his health, aging parents, health issues with our kids. If I didn't think we could handle those things together, why get married?

I added point 8 about appreciation because I think one of the top reasons cited by people that divorce is that they don't feel appreciated by their spouse. You can have this great foundation but if you start taking the person for granted it can slowly erode the relationship over time. I always think of the Gift of the Magi as the sort of emotion you should feel and demonstrate for one another. That sort of wanting to make things easier for each other and letting the other person know how wonderful you feel to be with them x years later after you met is what helps get you thru the 1000 diaper changes /early morning bottle/thousands of pounds of laundry and all the other logistical work with kids you deal with every day as well as the big things like losing a job.