Anonymous wrote:At this point, he's playing you.
First of all, if he's the neatnick, then it probably bugs him more about the vacuuming. He should do the vacuuming if he can't be bothered to share the load with the children.
Second of all, if he really thought that his job is more strenuous then he wouldn't freak out and ask for back up at the first instance you require more than play with the kids. He keeps making excuses because it works and he still doesn't have to do it. Just tell him. "I need this for childcare this week." If he balks or asks you to arrange back up, say:
"I just asked for back up care, just now. You are an equal partner and I need you to PARENT not just PLAY. You may be okay with the relationship the way it is, but I am not and I am done trying to explain it to you. I am getting resentful and I don't want those feelings to continue. No, my mother will not be coming to bail you out. Since it is apparently so easy what I do every day, I expect there should be no trouble doing *insert reasonable childcare task*. I know you will be able to figure it out, and I will appreciate it."
And he will do it, and figure it out (hopefully, if you married a good man). But don't nitpick the way he figures it out. He might need to build his confidence in this area, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Show lots of appreciation. I think a lot of husbands stop trying to help because they don't do things exactly the way their wives would and eventually they get tired of being critcized and instead sit around after dinner, frustrating their wives further.
+1
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