STEM female vent

[Anonymous]

What I've learned with 20 years software development is to keep calm. Don't take things personally, don't get emotional and only state facts. If you start getting all worked up, they'll say shit like "must be that time of the month", "bad hair day", etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BAKING! Why didn't women think of that???!?!? That's ALL that's standing between us and ending discrimination in STEM!

Do you people even hear yourselves? Fucking BAKING?

I'm appalled. There are some sympathetic comments from women who haven't had to deal with this, but there is a lot of vitriol too (I'm not even addressing Mr. Affirmative Action - I hope he made his way back to 1950). I attribute this to one or more of the following tropes:

(1) The usual DCUM "if it hasn't happened to me, then it doesn't happen", or
(2) Some women love throwing other women under the bus, sometimes known as "all my friends are guys, I don't do female friendships."

Or, my favorite:
(3) If bad shit happens to you, it's your fault / you weren't trying hard enough. Bake some cookies to be accepted by the brogrammers, ladies, and be sure you look good while serving them up.

Nailed it.
I hope this isn't the kind of advice these PPs give out at Career Day at their kids' school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're really much tougher on older males, from my experience, in IT or tech. If you are "old" and male you are not respected. Older women can play the nice office mom and bake cookies and everyone loves them.

OP, you won't like this, but the women who usually succeed with men in STEM fields are the ones who are themselves. You can be one of the guys, or a girly girl or the office mom. Most women have much better communication skills. Maybe use that to your advantage.

Bake some cookies or pumpkin bread for them.

Do you hear the cognitive dissonance in yourself? You're telling OP to be herself and yet you tell her to assume one of these three roles.

I agree with the advice to be yourself. People can tell when you're being fake and it leads to a loss of respect.