STEM female vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 years of affirmative action for white women in the sciences and still, there are problems?

Your trolling is too obvious. If you're not sure what I mean, just climb up out of your parents' basement and ask your mother.

No can do chief, unless my mom lives in my house with my spouse and me and our three kids and I don't know about it. Unclench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're really much tougher on older males, from my experience, in IT or tech. If you are "old" and male you are not respected. Older women can play the nice office mom and bake cookies and everyone loves them.

OP, you won't like this, but the women who usually succeed with men in STEM fields are the ones who are themselves. You can be one of the guys, or a girly girl or the office mom. Most women have much better communication skills. Maybe use that to your advantage.

Bake some cookies or pumpkin bread for them.

The baking suggestion is good. It got a complete moron promoted rapidly.

Yes, you play to the role as mom or wide-eyed girl to succeed, and you have to look good either way, even as the mom. It's terrible.

[Anonymous]

OP back. Assuming n+ trolls, but I will continue the dialogue.

Yes, STEM is more than just tech. I just happen to be in tech.

Walk a mile in my stilettos. I've heard it all to include male superiors very publicly praising my soft skills over tech accomplishments, one on one sexually charged nasty demeaning dialogues intending to psychologically pull me off target, and male colleagues who pretend to know shit they don't understand. Tip of the iceberg.

Believe me, it's not for the faint at heart.

To suggest I bake cookies to solve this issue, I assume you are a troll. Although, I do bake the best Chocolate Chip cookie this side of the Mississippi. Or so my family tells me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. Female engineer here, the only woman on my team of >20. I've risen through the ranks from an entry-level engineer to a team lead, and have received nothing but encouragement from my peers and superiors. I'm not discounting your experience, I know people like that exist (I've dealt with them more in non-STEM fields, oddly enough), but not all workplaces are like that. If it's that bad, move on to another place.

+1 That's been my experience too.

+2

Life is too short to be in a miserable place, be it perceived or actual. Time to take some time off and reevaluate where you want to be.

+3

+4

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 years of affirmative action for white women in the sciences and still, there are problems?

Your trolling is too obvious. If you're not sure what I mean, just climb up out of your parents' basement and ask your mother.

No can do chief, unless my mom lives in my house with my spouse and me and our three kids and I don't know about it. Unclench.

Well that leaves either sarcasm (in which case you suck at it), or you really are that obtuse. I guess I was giving you benefit of the doubt as just a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Assuming n+ trolls, but I will continue the dialogue.

Yes, STEM is more than just tech. I just happen to be in tech.

Walk a mile in my stilettos. I've heard it all to include male superiors very publicly praising my soft skills over tech accomplishments, one on one sexually charged nasty demeaning dialogues intending to psychologically pull me off target, and male colleagues who pretend to know shit they don't understand. Tip of the iceberg.

Believe me, it's not for the faint at heart.

To suggest I bake cookies to solve this issue, I assume you are a troll. Although, I do bake the best Chocolate Chip cookie this side of the Mississippi. Or so my family tells me.

Hi OP. Woman here. I took Basic programming language my senior year of high school. I really liked it. However, I didn't like being the only girl.

I have also worked in fields such as education and health care with a lot of women, and they can be worse, ostracizing you and bullying you.

Focusing on your gender and STEM isn't solving the interpersonal communication. The chocolate chip cookies probably would!

I worked in an office where a guy brought in bagels and cream cheese every Thursday morning. Everyone loved him for it! I would sometimes stop at the Duncan Donuts in Crystal City and pick up a couple dozen donuts on a Monday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 years of affirmative action for white women in the sciences and still, there are problems?

Your trolling is too obvious. If you're not sure what I mean, just climb up out of your parents' basement and ask your mother.

No can do chief, unless my mom lives in my house with my spouse and me and our three kids and I don't know about it. Unclench.

Well that leaves either sarcasm (in which case you suck at it), or you really are that obtuse. I guess I was giving you benefit of the doubt as just a troll.

What exactly is your question? Just do your job.

[Anonymous]

This thread is unbelievable. Chocolate chip cookies, really? What happened to just being recognized for competence, end of story?

OP I've been in your shoes and feel you. Dropped out of the workforce, actually. It didn't seem worth the fight anymore after two decades of ridiculous BS. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

BAKING! Why didn't women think of that???!?!? That's ALL that's standing between us and ending discrimination in STEM!

Do you people even hear yourselves? Fucking BAKING?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BAKING! Why didn't women think of that???!?!? That's ALL that's standing between us and ending discrimination in STEM!

Do you people even hear yourselves? Fucking BAKING?

I'm appalled. There are some sympathetic comments from women who haven't had to deal with this, but there is a lot of vitriol too (I'm not even addressing Mr. Affirmative Action - I hope he made his way back to 1950). I attribute this to one or more of the following tropes:

(1) The usual DCUM "if it hasn't happened to me, then it doesn't happen", or
(2) Some women love throwing other women under the bus, sometimes known as "all my friends are guys, I don't do female friendships."

Or, my favorite:
(3) If bad shit happens to you, it's your fault / you weren't trying hard enough. Bake some cookies to be accepted by the brogrammers, ladies, and be sure you look good while serving them up.

I hope this isn't the kind of advice these PPs give out at Career Day at their kids' school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BAKING! Why didn't women think of that???!?!? That's ALL that's standing between us and ending discrimination in STEM!

Do you people even hear yourselves? Fucking BAKING?

I'm appalled. There are some sympathetic comments from women who haven't had to deal with this, but there is a lot of vitriol too (I'm not even addressing Mr. Affirmative Action - I hope he made his way back to 1950). I attribute this to one or more of the following tropes:

(1) The usual DCUM "if it hasn't happened to me, then it doesn't happen", or
(2) Some women love throwing other women under the bus, sometimes known as "all my friends are guys, I don't do female friendships."

Or, my favorite:
(3) If bad shit happens to you, it's your fault / you weren't trying hard enough. Bake some cookies to be accepted by the brogrammers, ladies, and be sure you look good while serving them up.

I hope this isn't the kind of advice these PPs give out at Career Day at their kids' school.

yeah when I first read the comment over the weekend I thought "well this guy will get raked over the coals for suggesting something so laughable." The agreement is what's really jawdropping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is unbelievable. Chocolate chip cookies, really? What happened to just being recognized for competence, end of story?

OP I've been in your shoes and feel you. Dropped out of the workforce, actually. It didn't seem worth the fight anymore after two decades of ridiculous BS. Good luck.

Lots of us ARE recgonized for our competence. OP needs a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BAKING! Why didn't women think of that???!?!? That's ALL that's standing between us and ending discrimination in STEM!

Do you people even hear yourselves? Fucking BAKING?

I'm appalled. There are some sympathetic comments from women who haven't had to deal with this, but there is a lot of vitriol too (I'm not even addressing Mr. Affirmative Action - I hope he made his way back to 1950). I attribute this to one or more of the following tropes:

(1) The usual DCUM "if it hasn't happened to me, then it doesn't happen", or
(2) Some women love throwing other women under the bus, sometimes known as "all my friends are guys, I don't do female friendships."

Or, my favorite:
(3) If bad shit happens to you, it's your fault / you weren't trying hard enough. Bake some cookies to be accepted by the brogrammers, ladies, and be sure you look good while serving them up.

I hope this isn't the kind of advice these PPs give out at Career Day at their kids' school.

RED FLAG!
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/red-flag/n13192

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's tiresome. Yes, I know more than you and I'm better. Yes, you hate that. Get over it and believe me that constantly having to prove my pecking order in the intellectual chain with male egos as a female peer outsider in a male dominated industry is exhausting.

I doubt you have to cook dinner too.

Vent over.

I do have to cook dinner.
I like your outfit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I've been working in a male-dominated STEM field for almost 14 years.

This is not how it is with all male co-workers. Try not to stereotype them with things like "I doubt you have to cook dinner, too", even in your head, unless you know that they actually probably do not do things like that because they are such sexists they never would

You might just need a new job. Or a new area of your field.

I work in software. I find hardware jobs to have more competitive people, and that makes them also somewhat sexist (because they're competitive they use everything). So, I stay away from those jobs whenever possible. Don't worry. Better groups are out there!

Don't forget the cybersecurity folks.

I took a job based on $$$ and the prospect of more interesting work even though I liked the actual people at another job interview better. Said interesting work has started to pop up, and the people ... well, a mixed bag so far.

I'll stick it out until the end of next year unless there's something like a complete unexpected ass-reaming at my review. I may be used to it then.