Reached out to MIL about the holidays...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not too early to starting planning and booking flights. That doesn't mean your MIL meant anything more than what she said. Just respond with a quick response explaining why you were asking and see what she says.

Agree with this. Email again, ask her if she had a chance to think about it anymore, explain why you might need to know asap (flights, school/work/activity schedules, other family members, whatever). Let her know a specific date you need a response by. Tell her how much your family wants to see her. Etc.

Basically, be nice about it but give her a firm deadline that you need.

I am a planner. I am related to fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants people. Firm deadlines are the only way I stay sane.

[Anonymous]

OP, you didn't explain your reasoning and she's probably not thinking about your airline miles or points or anything like that. I get those kinds of "fishing" emails from my SIL and I just hate them. She probably wanted to reply with "Why do you ask?" but that felt too abrupt so she put you off. You sound like you're trying to box her into a corner so when it's too late to make plans to go there, you can blame it on her. You should respond with an explanation. "We'd love to travel to see you over the holidays, but I need to book the flights within the next couple of weeks to get a reasonable price."

[Anonymous]

I wish! I tried to get my family to firm up plans for this year, but they're refusing. It's their year! Surely they should be able to get it together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG... who the hell is planning Thanksgiving and Christmas already.


You need to chill out.

I'm not OP, but I certainly am planning already! Between work schedules, school and airfare, it is by no means too early--especially for Thanksgiving.

Don't hate because you aren't as organized and together as some people...

Does Texas have a different Thanksgiving or Christmas the rest of us, does she not know what dates this is happening.

MIL can't travel. They can. Fly in. Why do you need to know "what the plans are" in August.

Don't hate because you are obtuse and the rest of us are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not too early to starting planning and booking flights. That doesn't mean your MIL meant anything more than what she said. Just respond with a quick response explaining why you were asking and see what she says.

Agree with this. Email again, ask her if she had a chance to think about it anymore, explain why you might need to know asap (flights, school/work/activity schedules, other family members, whatever). Let her know a specific date you need a response by. Tell her how much your family wants to see her. Etc.

Basically, be nice about it but give her a firm deadline that you need.

I am a planner. I am related to fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants people. Firm deadlines are the only way I stay sane.

Then you create firm deadlines.

I am booking flights the evening of Christmas and returning home on January 1st. Let me know what the plan is and how I can contribute.

There you go.. it's all planned ... feel better now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my house, if I don't plan it, it doesn't happen. If my MIL responded that way, I would email her back something light. "I know it's early, but between leave requests for work and airline tickets, I thought it best to be an early bird. Let me know when you are making your holiday plans so we can see if a trip is possible."

And then I would do exactly what I wanted. If she got back in touch, I would say, "Oh! So sorry. Hadn't heard from you so I have made plans to host at our house. We can't get leave/reasonably priced tickets now. Maybe we can get talk about a spring break trip after the holidays."

This advice is perfect.

Perfectly passive aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my house, if I don't plan it, it doesn't happen. If my MIL responded that way, I would email her back something light. "I know it's early, but between leave requests for work and airline tickets, I thought it best to be an early bird. Let me know when you are making your holiday plans so we can see if a trip is possible."

And then I would do exactly what I wanted. If she got back in touch, I would say, "Oh! So sorry. Hadn't heard from you so I have made plans to host at our house. We can't get leave/reasonably priced tickets now. Maybe we can get talk about a spring break trip after the holidays."

This advice is perfect.

Perfectly passive aggressive.

But refusing to discuss holiday plans because first you have to watch some football is a direct way of communicating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my house, if I don't plan it, it doesn't happen. If my MIL responded that way, I would email her back something light. "I know it's early, but between leave requests for work and airline tickets, I thought it best to be an early bird. Let me know when you are making your holiday plans so we can see if a trip is possible."

And then I would do exactly what I wanted. If she got back in touch, I would say, "Oh! So sorry. Hadn't heard from you so I have made plans to host at our house. We can't get leave/reasonably priced tickets now. Maybe we can get talk about a spring break trip after the holidays."

This advice is perfect.

Perfectly passive aggressive.

But refusing to discuss holiday plans because first you have to watch some football is a direct way of communicating?

Not really.

Hey what are you doing for Christmas?
Gosh, I don't know I haven't even figured out Labor Day.

That is a normal response, OP is just trying to pick a fight. She mentioned football and Texas to be a snob. Her post make her seem like an elitist who looks down her nose at her IL's who are people she believe are below her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she got an email and just gave it a quick/immediate response. I don't think that it seems dismissive.

I agree. It's a bit early for most people (I'm a huge planner and haven't planned holidays yet) and most people have a lot of things going on. I too have to 'get thru football season' because DS plays D1 football so we're not even sure what Christmas season will look like at this point. We may be travelling to a bowl game, maybe not... who knows. So, while I agree the holiday planning needs to be done, I wouldn't have the info necessary to make plans right this minute. I wouldn't let myself get too upset over her response, it was probably a quick, off the cuff.

[Anonymous]

Do any of you actually travel to family at Christmas? I do - and have had our tickets booked since last week. If you wait until October/November it gets crazy expensive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, but expecting an answer before Labor Day seems a bit early and I'm a huge planner.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my house, if I don't plan it, it doesn't happen. If my MIL responded that way, I would email her back something light. "I know it's early, but between leave requests for work and airline tickets, I thought it best to be an early bird. Let me know when you are making your holiday plans so we can see if a trip is possible."

And then I would do exactly what I wanted. If she got back in touch, I would say, "Oh! So sorry. Hadn't heard from you so I have made plans to host at our house. We can't get leave/reasonably priced tickets now. Maybe we can get talk about a spring break trip after the holidays."

This advice is perfect.

Perfectly passive aggressive.

But refusing to discuss holiday plans because first you have to watch some football is a direct way of communicating?

+1

Different poster here. I have to agree. DH's family is like that - they don't want to "answer" (or so they see it) to anyone, so they don't give helpful answers to anything. Ever. In fact, if you spell it out for them, in the nicest way possible, they will become petulant children, dig their heels in, and see how many times and how many ways they can say no. So, after all these years, I don't bother. You might be up against this kind of MIL, too, OP. Just do what we do now, and make your own plans. MIL can go f*ck herself, frankly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do any of you actually travel to family at Christmas? I do - and have had our tickets booked since last week. If you wait until October/November it gets crazy expensive!

Nobody said to wait. Book the tickets. Is her fear she shows up in Texas and everybody is n DC? No!

The OP is just nit picking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG... who the hell is planning Thanksgiving and Christmas already.


You need to chill out.

I'm not OP, but I certainly am planning already! Between work schedules, school and airfare, it is by no means too early--especially for Thanksgiving.

Don't hate because you aren't as organized and together as some people...

Does Texas have a different Thanksgiving or Christmas the rest of us, does she not know what dates this is happening.

MIL can't travel. They can. Fly in. Why do you need to know "what the plans are" in August.

Don't hate because you are obtuse and the rest of us are not.

LOL. Obtuse = assuming you can roll up at someone else's house with your family whenever, stay as long as you like, and expect them to be OK with it!

Hello? Maybe the MIL has frequent doctors appointments. Or standing holiday parties in her social circle. Or just prefers certain dates. You cannot just book tickets without confirming specific dates with your HOSTESS!

Glad I'll never make plans with you...

[Anonymous]

Seems like a reasonable question to ask if you are flying over a holiday. Seats are few and expensive. If you wait until Nov to book the tickets, things get ugly in price.