Spouse IMing work colleagues into the evening

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I saw this get pushed up, I thought the OP was back with an update since this thread started in July.

OP here - spouse was having an affair so the whole thing became moot.

I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I saw this get pushed up, I thought the OP was back with an update since this thread started in July.

OP here - spouse was having an affair so the whole thing became moot.

So your hunch was right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"So you've been doing a lot of IMing tonight. I noticed that every time I walk by, you hit the alt tab so the IM screen changes, as if you don't want me to see what you're typing. What's up with that, because my expectation is that you'd be comfortable IMing with me sitting right next to you. Are you?"

See where it goes.

Marriage is about transparency.

I guess I disagree with that. While I don't IM with colleagues at work I wouldn't want my spouse to see, for example, my texts with my sister or my mom nor do I think my spouse has a right to see them.

This isn't about "rights." It's about a marriage where two people are committed to engage in an honest and intimate relationship. Should you have a relationship with your sister and mom where you can turn to them about advice about something in your marriage? Sure. But you shouldn't be texting them something you'd regret your spouse seeing. If that's the case, then there is a real problem that you need to address directly with your spouse.

I still disagree. There can be any number of things I'm texting with them about that I wouldn't want my spouse to see, mostly things that relate to my mom or sister. Issues my sister is having in her marriage, for example, is something I would regret my spouse seeing. Health issues my mom might be having would be another.

Why do you hide those things from your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. Did you find out by confronting about the IMing? Take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Crap, my spouse does the same thing and now I'm worried. Second the question about confronting - did you OP?

[Anonymous]

Trust me, any time a person closes a particular screen they are viewing it always means it is for the sole reason that you do not see it.

And for some reason, he doesn't want you to see it.

Does he work for the FBI and is viewing sensitive information that is so top secret, even his wife cannot know? If that is the case, I totally get it.

If not, I would look more into the matter. Have you ever asked him straight out why he always pushes the alt tab when you appear? Perhaps for good measure, come in quietly and see what actually is on the screen before he exits it. One quick look may give you the answer you are seeking.