Spouse IMing work colleagues into the evening

[Anonymous]

Work + IM expands to fill the time before going to bed. Describes my ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Work + IM expands to fill the time before going to bed. Describes my ex.

Yep, a sure sign that spouse is not interested on spending any time with you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Work + IM expands to fill the time before going to bed. Describes my ex.

Yep, a sure sign that spouse is not interested on spending any time with you OP.

+1
True of my ex also. HOURS of time on his phone when at home. Meanwhile I'm dealing with kids and home life. Dude checked out of the marriage way before I was ready to face facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Work + IM expands to fill the time before going to bed. Describes my ex.

Yep, a sure sign that spouse is not interested on spending any time with you OP.

+1
True of my ex also. HOURS of time on his phone when at home. Meanwhile I'm dealing with kids and home life. Dude checked out of the marriage way before I was ready to face facts.

I always feel like my DH would rather do anything but spend time with me. He legitimately is busy returning work calls often (he is a doctor). If there is downtime, he catches up on sports. We do about one family outing per weekend with our two kids. Most of the time he is looking at his phone. I don't think he is doing anything shady but it hurts my feelings. The latest thing he seemed to have downloaded is SIM City or whatever it is called. I have mentioned this phone addiction problem on several occasions. At some point, he agreed to a 7pm curfew type situation with the phone. He literally falls asleep with his phone in his hand. He will stand by a charger in the house. Our marriage is sad. I am competing with his phone and losing.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. This is what I did when I was having an affair with my coworker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. This is what I did when I was having an affair with my coworker.

Super

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"So you've been doing a lot of IMing tonight. I noticed that every time I walk by, you hit the alt tab so the IM screen changes, as if you don't want me to see what you're typing. What's up with that, because my expectation is that you'd be comfortable IMing with me sitting right next to you. Are you?"

See where it goes.

Marriage is about transparency.

I guess I disagree with that. While I don't IM with colleagues at work I wouldn't want my spouse to see, for example, my texts with my sister or my mom nor do I think my spouse has a right to see them.

This isn't about "rights." It's about a marriage where two people are committed to engage in an honest and intimate relationship. Should you have a relationship with your sister and mom where you can turn to them about advice about something in your marriage? Sure. But you shouldn't be texting them something you'd regret your spouse seeing. If that's the case, then there is a real problem that you need to address directly with your spouse.

I still disagree. There can be any number of things I'm texting with them about that I wouldn't want my spouse to see, mostly things that relate to my mom or sister. Issues my sister is having in her marriage, for example, is something I would regret my spouse seeing. Health issues my mom might be having would be another.

You wouldn't share your sister/mother's business with your spouse? That's super, super weird.

Oh please. That's not weird at all and I've been happily married for 17 years. How old are you?

[Anonymous]

I thought I was happily married for 18 years - until he bailed. So don't be so smug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - the other issue that bothers me about this is that it is time taken away from being together. Thus, work that would take 30 minutes takes 45 with the IMs. An hour becomes an hour and 20. Etc.

Uh huh

[Anonymous]

Op, someone I knew IM her lover at work ALL the time, especially when he is teleworking and not in the office. She can see the AF partner's wife sitting near by and the wife is 100% clueless! I really hope that is not you OP. IM is used very little and short time frame and in "regular work hours" only. Usually quick questions or requests and IM for maybe a few minutes; that has been mine experience with IM at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, someone I knew IM her lover at work ALL the time, especially when he is teleworking and not in the office. She can see the AF partner's wife sitting near by and the wife is 100% clueless! I really hope that is not you OP. IM is used very little and short time frame and in "regular work hours" only. Usually quick questions or requests and IM for maybe a few minutes; that has been mine experience with IM at work.

My spouse does it with a shit eating grin all the time. Crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. This is what I did when I was having an affair with my coworker.

Same here. It's how it all began!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Work + IM expands to fill the time before going to bed. Describes my ex.

Yep, a sure sign that spouse is not interested on spending any time with you OP.

+1
True of my ex also. HOURS of time on his phone when at home. Meanwhile I'm dealing with kids and home life. Dude checked out of the marriage way before I was ready to face facts.

I always feel like my DH would rather do anything but spend time with me. He legitimately is busy returning work calls often (he is a doctor). If there is downtime, he catches up on sports. We do about one family outing per weekend with our two kids. Most of the time he is looking at his phone. I don't think he is doing anything shady but it hurts my feelings. The latest thing he seemed to have downloaded is SIM City or whatever it is called. I have mentioned this phone addiction problem on several occasions. At some point, he agreed to a 7pm curfew type situation with the phone. He literally falls asleep with his phone in his hand. He will stand by a charger in the house. Our marriage is sad. I am competing with his phone and losing.

Sounds familiar... Mine zones out looking at his computer, receives text all times of day and night from coworkers (99% men)...totally annoying. I suspected, snooped and confronted him several times this year...yet all that turned up virtually nothing. He's a phone/computer addict...

[Anonymous]

When I saw this get pushed up, I thought the OP was back with an update since this thread started in July.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I saw this get pushed up, I thought the OP was back with an update since this thread started in July.

OP here - spouse was having an affair so the whole thing became moot.