Deal breakers?
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Anonymous
I'd date a social "smokes once or twice a week when having drinks" smoker over a vegan or vegetarian any day. |
Anonymous
That is a MAJOR assumption. Not every single divorcee has a child. One of my childhood friends had a church wedding, ended up divorced, got re-married in a church. |
Anonymous
Meant to add, if it was multiple divorces, I can see your logic, but the way this list reads, one divorce (and if you were single), you would be out. That's low, very low. |
Anonymous
I'm 40. I posted just before you. I'm married. My list was my list from when I was single 12 years ago. I wasn't wiing to date a divorced guy or a guy wit kids at 28. We're I to divorce at some point now my list would be different - I would date a divorced man because I'd actually be wary of someone in their mid to late 40's who had never married. But yeah- a tattoo as a deal breaker? Awfully picky. No one was ever 18 and impulsive? |
Anonymous
I did not say, "don't have any standards or preferences" I just believe in getting to know a person, and I am a believer in humans make "mistakes" and from those mistakes people can grow. I feel it is closed minded to say you would never date/get to know a person because they may have a tattoo or maybe had poor judgment at age 18 that lead to some type of criminal charge. I think there are exceptions and each situation can be different. I don't believe in a deal breaker list, I believe in giving a person a fair chance and deciding based on that person's particular situation if I can live with it or not. I know that I did not always make the best decisions when I was younger and I am glad that I grew as a person from those experiences and have turned into a successful and well rounded adult. This why I brought the age of these posters into question. The older I have gotten, the more I have realized this. I maybe really open minded, I like to think of it as life experience and growth. The people I have dated in my older years have never used my past against me or written me off, including my DH. |
Anonymous
No, because most of the so called dealbreakers are crazy. Why exclude all divorcees or people with kids - doesn't the context of the divorce matter? the age of the kids? A divorce man with a toddler is not the same as one with a teenager. I can understand wanted to be with someone educated but what does "undereducated" mean anyway? Why exclude all "republicans". Also is a guy with small tatoo on this arm really a "reject". |
Anonymous
I think it depends on one's age. At age 25 I would not have dated a divorcee. At that age I wouldn't want to have to take on someone else's baggage, and why would I need to? And no, there's no such thing as a baggage-less divorce. At age 35 I'd not dismiss divorcees at all. By then everyone has baggage, previous marriage or not. |
Anonymous
+100 |
Anonymous
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I'd wager that most of the deal breakers here aren't truly individual deal breakers. They're really more of a wish list, or reverse wish list if you will. I've been married 20+ years and I guarantee that there was probably something about me that would have been on my spouse's "deal breaker" list before we met. What we think we want and what we actually want don't always end up being the same.
If I was making a legitimate list today I'd probably only include: Smokers, drug users. Anything else would simply fall under the preferences umbrella. |
Anonymous
That is a valid point about age, but in my opinion, it depends on the circumstances and no one will give the full story right off the bat because of trust issues. One should be able to give enough information and balance out both sides of the story though so the other person has something to go on. |
Anonymous
Yeah, but you're framing it like some sort of employment interview for which rules should apply. Let's face it, many never-married younger people simply want to couple with other never-married people. They want to be feel like someone else's one and only, not someone else's second go 'round. I doubt too many 25 year olds are saying, "yeah, bring me a divorced guy." |
Anonymous
I have two friends that got divorced and one married a never married girl and another will be next year. They are all in their 30's, and the divorcees bring kids to the table. |
Anonymous
Yeah, but I'm a devout Catholic. If the divorcee got an annulment than you can validly marry in the Catholic Church but it takes time and work. That's why I said that this would not work for me. Like I said, I married my hubby who was perfect for me. So I'm off the market. |
Anonymous
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Smoker - you could be gorgeous and brilliant but I cannot stand the smell
Bisexual - don't want someone where they are also interested in a person of the same sex |
Anonymous
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Female here:
(in no particular order) Smoker lack of drive Low libido Skeptic with poor outlook on life Lazy Lack of adventure |