Single women of dcum: how'd you end up here?

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the SFBay Area, and I find men in my age bracket out here to be bewilderingly entitled. The men in whom I was interested chose women who are younger and less well educated than themselves. The few men who wanted to date me seemed either mentally ill or too bitter to be enjoyable companions. To my knowledge, many of the latter group are still single.

I had a child on my own, and am pretty happy. I don't envy my married friends. They all have two kids, and their husbands really don'_t do much besides playing with the kids, so they seem more harried than I feel. The wives are juggling the kids' schedules,doing the daycare/school dropoffs, planning the summer camps, andtaking days off for teachers' workdays. They have largely been mommy tracked, despite working full time. In the meantime, their husband's are free to go all out at work. (Among the younger families at my kid's school, there are some families that are more egalitarian. ). Perhaps things will improve for them as the kids get older, but I don't regret where I am in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The single most attractive thing a woman can do to improve her success with men is look more attractive.

Sadly, this is true. I am pretty crazy and demanding with a short temper, but I am very slim, tall, and men tell me I am beautiful. I was off the market in my mid-20s and I cannot explain it as anything except looks. Many of my saner, nicer, but heavier/less attractive girlfriends who are every bit as accomplished as me are still single and looking.

My husband dated a succession of women who were thin, hot and nuts. He married me because I have, as he puts it, "a good head on my shoulders." I'm pretty but not thin. I think he was just tired of drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume it's because I'm fat. That's what you're looking for here, right? Even online, I don't get dates. And yes, I've asked men out. One laughed at me. Another had this look of sheer and utter panic come over his face (OMG the fat girl asked him out!) so I laughed it off and told him I was just joking. From 30-32 I was really sad and depressed about it as all my friends got married, had babies, and moved to the burbs dropping me from their lives. So I went out and found new hobbies, and at 35 I am pretty content being single.

I'm not sure I buy this. I've been obese my entire life and never had a problem getting dick or dates. Married at 28 to a great, high quality guy who treats me like a queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who's 46 and is a single parent. She's very fit and attractive and can go out on a date any night of the week. She also has an FWB who is a personal trainer, hung and very good in bed. She says she wants to be in a relationship and to be married but I honestly believe that she has too many options to make a choice.

That's what she says. And at 46, those options are dwindling and I'm not exactly sure men are going to be falling over themselves to marry her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The single most attractive thing a woman can do to improve her success with men is look more attractive.

Sadly, this is true. I am pretty crazy and demanding with a short temper, but I am very slim, tall, and men tell me I am beautiful. I was off the market in my mid-20s and I cannot explain it as anything except looks. Many of my saner, nicer, but heavier/less attractive girlfriends who are every bit as accomplished as me are still single and looking.

My husband dated a succession of women who were thin, hot and nuts. He married me because I have, as he puts it, "a good head on my shoulders." I'm pretty but not thin. I think he was just tired of drama.

Good catch for him then!

I've got a good friend, he has his own issues and depression, so he's nuts. And he dates women he meets online, OkCupid and the like. And the parade of women he's dated since college (11 years) have all been crazy too.

Maybe Watching from the outside it seems that:
1- it's hard to meet people outside of work after college - the world is not as social as it used to be
2- because it's not as social, people become more self-obsessed/narcisistic
3- that doesn't help them meet people and form relationships that function to both's benefit
4- the people that remain unmatched are the least emotionally stable - social Darwinism

In his case he wants to be with a 'manic pixie dream girl', basically a TV/movie character that doesn't exist in real life - and even if she did exist, by her very nature, she could not maintain a relationship. By seeking this out he completes the cycle over and over and over again, making himself more broken and less matchable on each iteration...it's frightening to know he's not alone...and if I ever were single, I'd never make it in such a vicious dating scene

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to be thin and beautiful. Then I was sexually assaulted and decided to gain 140 pounds. Now I'm 40 and single. I'm okay with that.

PP, I am so sorry. I hope you have gotten some counseling, or can get some. The assault is over, but you have to live in your body and with the health risks of being obese. Please see someone who can help you.

[Anonymous]

I've known some beautiful, talented women who got suckered into years-long FWB situations and kept hoping and hoping and hoping that the hot sex would lead to a relationship and eventually, marriage. Never happened, and they gave away the best years of their lives to complete users.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've known some beautiful, talented women who got suckered into years-long FWB situations and kept hoping and hoping and hoping that the hot sex would lead to a relationship and eventually, marriage. Never happened, and they gave away the best years of their lives to complete users.

Yes, complete victims here...getting into a FWB relationship, hoping it becomes something more, and when it fails to be anything other than what it is, it's clearly not because of unrealistic expectations, but HAS to be because of some predatory male 'user.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've known some beautiful, talented women who got suckered into years-long FWB situations and kept hoping and hoping and hoping that the hot sex would lead to a relationship and eventually, marriage. Never happened, and they gave away the best years of their lives to complete users.

Yes, complete victims here...getting into a FWB relationship, hoping it becomes something more, and when it fails to be anything other than what it is, it's clearly not because of unrealistic expectations, but HAS to be because of some predatory male 'user.'

You must be new here. Victimhood is the #1 traded commodity among women. That and plausible deniability makes them never truly responsible for their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've known some beautiful, talented women who got suckered into years-long FWB situations and kept hoping and hoping and hoping that the hot sex would lead to a relationship and eventually, marriage. Never happened, and they gave away the best years of their lives to complete users.

Um, that was their fault. Anyone woman who thinks they can turn a FWB into a husband is stupid. Yeah, for some it happens but starting off as FWB hoping it will lead to something more isn't very bright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tutor kids as a side job. I am almost 40 and don't date because I'm not desirable to men.

Of course you're desirable to men. Your post made me sad. You only think you are undesirable because you haven't found the right guy yet!

[Anonymous]

Googling the country club I grew up at

[Anonymous]

Infertility forum: Ages 40-45, as a single woman, I tried to conceive with IUI/IVF. I am still single.....and have since adopted a baby!

Independent schools forum: I am also a teacher.