Do not hold your advanced kid back a year and then complain he/she isn't challenged

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 1st grader DS just has gotten an invitation to his classmate 8th birthday, when DS will not turn 7 until August. More than 15 months apart in age. This is just weird.

Ordinarily, without redshirting, the range would be 12 months. In this case, the range is about 15 months. I'm not comprehending the weirdness.

[Anonymous]

It could be a front, she's anxious or embarrassed her kid was help back and needs to control the conversation.

[Anonymous]

When your child is not developing normally, that's when you have a problem. I redshirted my son for Kindergarten because he was developmentally delayed on all fronts. He had accommodations, notably for speech therapy, put in place at school. He started reading Harry Potter in 1st grade and doing multidigit multiplication. We had to put him back with his peers for 3rd grade. And now he's struggling in 4th grade, despite being in the 99% percentile on every standardized test.

Turns out he is gifted yet also learning disabled. It is VERY difficult to know where to place such a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 1st grader DS just has gotten an invitation to his classmate 8th birthday, when DS will not turn 7 until August. More than 15 months apart in age. This is just weird.

Ordinarily, without redshirting, the range would be 12 months. In this case, the range is about 15 months. I'm not comprehending the weirdness.

15 months is a huge difference in 1st grade, developmentally and socially. 8 year old in first? Yeah, odd.

[Anonymous]

We know a couple whose kid has a late August (almost sept) birthday and redshirted. Every year they complain about how bad the teachers are, how they don't challenge the kid, try to switch the kid into a different classroom, mtngs wth the principal, etc.

[Anonymous]

I realize this thread is old, but after a conversation today with a mom in my neighborhood, I feel the need to resurrect.

If your child has no glaring reason to be redshirted, please think about how enrolling your child in a 5 day a week "pre-k" program is that different from just starting the child in kindergarten on time. In the words of this mom, kindergarten was basically a repeat of pre-k. Her son already knew how to read, add, and subtract prior to starting kindergarten - he was really bored and doesn't like school. Pre-k hours were shorter than the school day, but with aftercare he was out of the house just as long. I didn't ask, but I am truly wondering, was/is his maturity so off that it would have impacted his ability to be successful, on time, in kindergarten? I look at the kid now and he seems right in the middle of the pack socially to be entering second grade. And yet off he will go to first.

About a month ago, a DIFFERENT mom that I met at the pool was also lamenting about her (redshirted) son being so bored in kindergarten.

Well, parents, don't complain if that's the choice you made!

[Anonymous]

+1000

It is truly astonishing that the redhirting thing is so predominant in this area. Sure, when there are special needs or other issues where holding back will truly make a difference, then it makes sense. But I would be willing to wager that about 95% of the parents doing this simply want their otherwise normally functioning kid to be among the older/bigger in their respective grade. It is bad social engineering and sends the message to their kid that their parents didn't think they could hack it with their peer group so held them back so they could spend the rest of their childhood competing against younger kids.

It becomes a race to the bottom as the craziness doesn't end, once one family does it, 5 others follow and the next thing you know, there are 7 year olds in Kindergarten with a raft of parents complaining their little snowflake is too bored in their school. Of course they are, they are a year or two behind where they should be because their parents flunked them back on some stupid perceived age/size value.

[Anonymous]

Personally I only know 1 boy (June bday) who was red shirted for no obvious reason, and one child who was held back and repeated K. Everyone else in my child's K class was on time. No 7 year old birthdays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1000

It is truly astonishing that the redhirting thing is so predominant in this area. Sure, when there are special needs or other issues where holding back will truly make a difference, then it makes sense. But I would be willing to wager that about 95% of the parents doing this simply want their otherwise normally functioning kid to be among the older/bigger in their respective grade. It is bad social engineering and sends the message to their kid that their parents didn't think they could hack it with their peer group so held them back so they could spend the rest of their childhood competing against younger kids.

It becomes a race to the bottom as the craziness doesn't end, once one family does it, 5 others follow and the next thing you know, there are 7 year olds in Kindergarten with a raft of parents complaining their little snowflake is too bored in their school. Of course they are, they are a year or two behind where they should be because their parents flunked them back on some stupid perceived age/size value.

I'm not sure its as common as these threads would have you believe. Perhaps in some privates and certain areas of MD and VA (read wealthy) but honestly I don't think its that common for most of the area.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for resurrecting! This is a good spot for me to vent about just such a conversation I had with another mom. Her son is born in another country and for sport's purposes they faked his birthday! I am not kidding, they made his birthday a whole year later. All the kids know it. So there I was talking to this mom, and she goes on and on, how her boy is bored unless he is in honors classes(not AP) and must take every class honors even though he is so busy with his sport and tournaments. And he is same grade as my kid, and then I find out that my "on time kid" is a year ahead in match and science and yes in honors classes! And her whole year older kid is taking on grade math(meaning he is two years behind basically) and science and has tutors 2 hours a day, knowing that he is actually a whole year older! Yes, they are wealthy. I was so ticked off with all her "my precious boy is so smart and bored!"

[Anonymous]

^^math, sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1000

It is truly astonishing that the redhirting thing is so predominant in this area. Sure, when there are special needs or other issues where holding back will truly make a difference, then it makes sense. But I would be willing to wager that about 95% of the parents doing this simply want their otherwise normally functioning kid to be among the older/bigger in their respective grade. It is bad social engineering and sends the message to their kid that their parents didn't think they could hack it with their peer group so held them back so they could spend the rest of their childhood competing against younger kids.

It becomes a race to the bottom as the craziness doesn't end, once one family does it, 5 others follow and the next thing you know, there are 7 year olds in Kindergarten with a raft of parents complaining their little snowflake is too bored in their school. Of course they are, they are a year or two behind where they should be because their parents flunked them back on some stupid perceived age/size value.

I'm not sure its as common as these threads would have you believe. Perhaps in some privates and certain areas of MD and VA (read wealthy) but honestly I don't think its that common for most of the area.

I must live in one of those areas in MD, because almost all summer boys I know get redshirted and some of the girls. As the mother of an August child I find this very frustrating, as I would like to send my child on time. But she will have children in her class more than a year older, many of whom had no real reason to be held back other than the parents want their child to be a leader and and at the top of their class. Unless your child has a "real" issue, send them on time!

And I agree with others, do not bitch about your child being bored if you chose to redshirt! It was your decision- live with it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1000

It is truly astonishing that the redhirting thing is so predominant in this area. Sure, when there are special needs or other issues where holding back will truly make a difference, then it makes sense. But I would be willing to wager that about 95% of the parents doing this simply want their otherwise normally functioning kid to be among the older/bigger in their respective grade. It is bad social engineering and sends the message to their kid that their parents didn't think they could hack it with their peer group so held them back so they could spend the rest of their childhood competing against younger kids.

It becomes a race to the bottom as the craziness doesn't end, once one family does it, 5 others follow and the next thing you know, there are 7 year olds in Kindergarten with a raft of parents complaining their little snowflake is too bored in their school. Of course they are, they are a year or two behind where they should be because their parents flunked them back on some stupid perceived age/size value.

I'm not sure its as common as these threads would have you believe. Perhaps in some privates and certain areas of MD and VA (read wealthy) but honestly I don't think its that common for most of the area.

I must live in one of those areas in MD, because almost all summer boys I know get redshirted and some of the girls. As the mother of an August child I find this very frustrating, as I would like to send my child on time. But she will have children in her class more than a year older, many of whom had no real reason to be held back other than the parents want their child to be a leader and and at the top of their class. Unless your child has a "real" issue, send them on time!

And I agree with others, do not bitch about your child being bored if you chose to redshirt! It was your decision- live with it!

really? where are you? We are in gaithersburg and I don't hear of it much at all. not that I know the birthday of every kid in DDs class of 26 though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for resurrecting! This is a good spot for me to vent about just such a conversation I had with another mom. Her son is born in another country and for sport's purposes they faked his birthday! I am not kidding, they made his birthday a whole year later. All the kids know it. So there I was talking to this mom, and she goes on and on, how her boy is bored unless he is in honors classes(not AP) and must take every class honors even though he is so busy with his sport and tournaments. And he is same grade as my kid, and then I find out that my "on time kid" is a year ahead in match and science and yes in honors classes! And her whole year older kid is taking on grade math(meaning he is two years behind basically) and science and has tutors 2 hours a day, knowing that he is actually a whole year older! Yes, they are wealthy. I was so ticked off with all her "my precious boy is so smart and bored!"

she's bragging. that happens a lot here. don't listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is part of the problem. You can elect to redshirt, but then you're stuck. Your kid, who had a temporary [whatever] that caused you to question his ability to handle kindergarten is now permanently dealing with being in an inappropriate grade. You can't now skip him up to the proper grade easily or in many cases at all.

If redshirting is no big deal, if parents deciding what their child ready for is something we absolutely support, then holding back and promoting forward should be something that can happen more than once, and with relative ease.

AMEN! I've never understood why redshirting is totally up to the parent, but any other switch - starting early, retaining at a later point, or pushing forward at a later point - is such a huge deal and virtually impossible in some cases.

Either the schools trust the parent's assessment of the child, or they don't. Either the school can handle any child within a 12 month age range regardless of ability, or they can't. But letting parents redshirt for any or no reason, and then not allowing any other adjustments seems very odd.