In a totally average marriage - tell me about it

[Anonymous]

I've been married 10 years. We have an average to very good relationship depending on the day/circumstances. Biggest stresses over the course of our marriage that created strain: having 3 young kids, constant demands on our time as a result of having kids, lack of sleep, feeling imbalanced in terms of responsibility pertaining to the kids, lack of time together due to kids, stress over job demands and potential moves or long distance travel as a result of promotions and job opportunities.

Biggest stresses/life changes that have brought us closer together: childbirth, death of parent (one for each of us), hospitalization of kid, learning challenges with oldest kid

For us, marriage was kind of a cake walk before kids. We definitely bicker more than before kids. I miss those carefree days sometimes when we would come home from work have sex, cook dinner together while drinking wine and chatting about our days. My husband is a solid, hard-working man. He is supportive of me and trusts my judgment. I feel lucky everyday that he married me Sex is still good although I'd love it we we had more (1-2 times a week now ).

Our kids are now between the ages of 3-6 and it's so much easier than it was. We have a date night at home once a week, a real date out at least once a month, sometimes twice (great babysitter) and 2 weekends away each year (spring and fall) thanks to Grandma.

[Anonymous]

Infidelity in the first 12 years. Wow!

[Anonymous]

Average here. No drama, no adultery, no violence, no arguing, just raising kids and trying to live our dream. BORING.

We're happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, taking vows seems to indicate that infedelity isn't really included as normal! We have a very average marriage, which I too equate to meh. We get along great, I'm DW and the breadwinner, but we both have equal access to accounts and decision making. Sex life ebbs and flows, sometimes we argue, but we still have fun. Do we have wild passion in our marriage? No. We are in the throngs of working and parenthood. So, to me that's average!

And yet, statistically speaking, this is one of the biggest reasons for marriages splitting.

OP HERE - Trust me, if you had asked me a year ago, I would say, hell no. We were really on the verge of splitting for good. It was a very dark time for both of us.

That being said, statistically speaking around half or more of marriages have a spouse stray , vows or no.

But what I'm saying here folks- I don't think my relationship is that different or super special than a lot of people's. I'd say we are average. We survived it. Yes, by choice. For some people, that's a line in the sand, but at the same time.. We tried to mindful. Right or wrong, I know neither of us have regrets of chosing what we did. Happiness is a choice ever single day. I chose not to be pissed about dishes or vacuuming. Could I be? Yep.. But what's the point?

I thought statistically speaking it was money. Always money. Since we're throwing around "statistics," I'm gonna stick with money issues way more than infedelity!

Dipshit, she said ONE of the biggest reasons, not THE biggest reason, which money is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your marriage sounds very typical + real to me.

Except for the infidelity part.

I wouldn't stay in a marriage to someone who cheated on me. It just would kill the dynamic permanently.

Sure, there are people who stay together despite infidelity occurrences, but that still doesn't make it right.

There's probably a significant percentage of people with your attitude who have been cheated on and just don't know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your marriage sounds very typical + real to me.

Except for the infidelity part.

I wouldn't stay in a marriage to someone who cheated on me. It just would kill the dynamic permanently.

Sure, there are people who stay together despite infidelity occurrences, but that still doesn't make it right.

Have you faced that personally? If not then I will accept that you have set that standard for yourself. Most of us have set such standards, and not on just that issue, and then when faced with the reality deviated from those absolute reactions. We found that in some cases it was wrong to have done so and in others it was the absolute correct decision.

BTW...I believe there is healing in forgiveness. There is a great book with that in the title. That healing isn't just for the transgressor but also for the person harmed by the transgression. And I believe that I have to keep myself open to exercise forgiveness for others as well as myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Agreed!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is a marriage with no children in any way average?

They are too busy fucking others to have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so again ... what is the point of your post? what are you asking us?

I hear about dysfunctional marriages on this Baird every day.

Tell me about your NORMAL marriage. So we can define what normal sounds like to those who only think they have concerns, but are actually living like everyone else does. Unfortunately, Facebook, Twitter an anonymous board make people feel either inadequate or negative about their current suit action,even though they may be completely what to expect.

Life is not puppies, roses, nor terror and hatchets. People need to know that not thriving on drama is totally acceptable.

Well I have a great marriage, we don't thrive on drama, we have tons of passion for each other, what it seems to me like you're saying is, "my marriage is dull and I chose to be okay with it but those in an exciting marriage are just drama queens, posers, or trying to hard." We have great sex regularly. We have not cheated on each other. We laugh and tease and joke daily. Oh yes, we fight, and have had our share of stress and weeks where we pick at each other and have survived hard times financially but throughout the marriage part was the Really Great Thing. We too fall asleep curled around each other every night and know we are in a truly committed partnership.

I'm not sure being "average" anything is brag worthy to be honest. Don't you aspire to more than that?