In a totally average marriage - tell me about it

[Anonymous]

I honestly have no idea why OP posted this thread? There is nothing average. Seems bizarre or I guess she needed some self satisfaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating isn't an average marriage. That's instant divorce for anyone normal.

About 50% of people in a monogamous relationship cheat at one point, either emotional or physical infidelity. There are MANY people for whom infidelity is not a deal breaker. It's not ideal for most people, but in some cases infidelity may even make a marriage stronger. Some couples even agree on a contingency plan ahead of time as a part of their vows! Shocker! Not everyone or every couple is the same. Humans are actually biologically meant to be polyamorous, so therefore staying monogamous is actually quite the accomplishment.

I love how people throw around statistics on this board as end all be all with no source or anything!

85% of statistics are incorrect, while just 30% of the people quoting statistics are aware of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating isn't an average marriage. That's instant divorce for anyone normal.

About 50% of people in a monogamous relationship cheat at one point, either emotional or physical infidelity. There are MANY people for whom infidelity is not a deal breaker. It's not ideal for most people, but in some cases infidelity may even make a marriage stronger. Some couples even agree on a contingency plan ahead of time as a part of their vows! Shocker! Not everyone or every couple is the same. Humans are actually biologically meant to be polyamorous, so therefore staying monogamous is actually quite the accomplishment.

I love how people throw around statistics on this board as end all be all with no source or anything!

Ok, fine: http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/

Happy now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the two PP THANK YOU!! That's why I said whatever makes you feel better about cheating. Just because it is YOUR NORMAL, doesn't mean it's normal for everyone, or that just because people don't cheat they've never faced adversity in their marriage.

Let's revisit your comment

"Whatever makes you feel better about cheating! Some of is actually give a damn about our vows, and instead of sleeping around and curling up later we hash it out, get counseling, and then get on with our lives. You don't have to cheat to have a good marriage, but carry on!"

Quite a bit different than the one I am responding to now and the one I am quoting above is still easily a good example for sanctimonious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating isn't an average marriage. That's instant divorce for anyone normal.

About 50% of people in a monogamous relationship cheat at one point, either emotional or physical infidelity. There are MANY people for whom infidelity is not a deal breaker. It's not ideal for most people, but in some cases infidelity may even make a marriage stronger. Some couples even agree on a contingency plan ahead of time as a part of their vows! Shocker! Not everyone or every couple is the same. Humans are actually biologically meant to be polyamorous, so therefore staying monogamous is actually quite the accomplishment.

I love how people throw around statistics on this board as end all be all with no source or anything!

Ok, fine: http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/

Happy now?

Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught 74 %
Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught 68 %

Not that I am saying their numbers are 'righteous' but that's a significant majority and I found that interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the two PP THANK YOU!! That's why I said whatever makes you feel better about cheating. Just because it is YOUR NORMAL, doesn't mean it's normal for everyone, or that just because people don't cheat they've never faced adversity in their marriage.

Let's revisit your comment

"Whatever makes you feel better about cheating! Some of is actually give a damn about our vows, and instead of sleeping around and curling up later we hash it out, get counseling, and then get on with our lives. You don't have to cheat to have a good marriage, but carry on!"

Quite a bit different than the one I am responding to now and the one I am quoting above is still easily a good example for sanctimonious.

Twist it how you may. I stand by both comments. You don't have to cheat to have a good marriage, nor does the fact if you're not cheating you must be sanctimonious. Whatever floats your boat.

[Anonymous]

Your marriage sounds very typical + real to me.

Except for the infidelity part.

I wouldn't stay in a marriage to someone who cheated on me. It just would kill the dynamic permanently.

Sure, there are people who stay together despite infidelity occurrences, but that still doesn't make it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your marriage sounds very typical + real to me.

Except for the infidelity part.

I wouldn't stay in a marriage to someone who cheated on me. It just would kill the dynamic permanently.

Sure, there are people who stay together despite infidelity occurrences, but that still doesn't make it right.

I'm the pp who posted the statistics. I'm not saying it's right, I agree with you. I don't think I have it in me either to handle it if my DH cheated. However, I do believe it's possible for many couples to have transparency about their sexual needs, which I think is admirable.

[Anonymous]

The % of people saying they would have an affair if it would never be found out is like asking if you would do illegal insider trading if you would never Ger caught and make a few million.

Weekly, duh, most people would say yes but aren't going to do if because there is a risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the two PP THANK YOU!! That's why I said whatever makes you feel better about cheating. Just because it is YOUR NORMAL, doesn't mean it's normal for everyone, or that just because people don't cheat they've never faced adversity in their marriage.

Let's revisit your comment

"Whatever makes you feel better about cheating! Some of is actually give a damn about our vows, and instead of sleeping around and curling up later we hash it out, get counseling, and then get on with our lives. You don't have to cheat to have a good marriage, but carry on!"

Quite a bit different than the one I am responding to now and the one I am quoting above is still easily a good example for sanctimonious.

Twist it how you may. I stand by both comments. You don't have to cheat to have a good marriage, nor does the fact if you're not cheating you must be sanctimonious. Whatever floats your boat.

You obviously don't know what sanctimonious means and why I referenced it about your statement.

[Anonymous]

How is a marriage with no children in any way average?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The % of people saying they would have an affair if it would never be found out is like asking if you would do illegal insider trading if you would never Ger caught and make a few million.

Weekly, duh, most people would say yes but aren't going to do if because there is a risk.

Good point. However, it doesn't exactly relate because the issue of insider trading would be another question. Perhaps a person who would cheat on their spouse would also commit other offenses if immune...maybe they wouldn't. Who knows.

Also you have to consider degrees and rationalization. And rationalization in America is more than common. But as to degree, would you tell a clerk at Wal Mart they forgot to ring up an object or take back two extra dollars given in change. How about telling waitstaff they forgot to put your appetizer on your bill? Some people will as an absolute but a lot of people won't and yet a lot of those people who won't would likely turn in a bank bag with tens of thousands of dollars in cash found on the side of the road. Then again there are some people that would keep both.

Then...well...here is where I stop because we are talking 'hypotheticals' and frankly while they are interesting to consider they aren't real until something actually occurs. Besides, is there any of us that hasn't at some point stated...I will never...<---fill in the rest...and found ourselves doing the opposite? I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the two PP THANK YOU!! That's why I said whatever makes you feel better about cheating. Just because it is YOUR NORMAL, doesn't mean it's normal for everyone, or that just because people don't cheat they've never faced adversity in their marriage.

Let's revisit your comment

"Whatever makes you feel better about cheating! Some of is actually give a damn about our vows, and instead of sleeping around and curling up later we hash it out, get counseling, and then get on with our lives. You don't have to cheat to have a good marriage, but carry on!"

Quite a bit different than the one I am responding to now and the one I am quoting above is still easily a good example for sanctimonious.

Twist it how you may. I stand by both comments. You don't have to cheat to have a good marriage, nor does the fact if you're not cheating you must be sanctimonious. Whatever floats your boat.

You obviously don't know what sanctimonious means and why I referenced it about your statement.

Actually, I do. I don't care if thinking marriage vows are sacred means I'm morally superior.
Maybe more people should try it, divorce rates might not be so high. But, by all means carry on! I give you permission

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheating isn't an average marriage. That's instant divorce for anyone normal.

+1! I've been in a committed relationship for nearly a quarter century (married 20 years this year), and I've seen other relationships come and go. Infidelity eventually kills almost all relationships because the point of infidelity is to get something outside the marriage.

If it wasn't a big deal to OP then OP wouldn't bend over backwards to insist that the marriage is "totally average."

[Anonymous]