MIL photographs our belongings (not people)

[Anonymous]

Your MIL can't do anything right. First she doesn't take any pics of your kids, then when she tries to take a pic of your kid, it's offensive. You obviously just don't get along. Nothing she does will make you happy. Just don't even try.

FWIW, I am sure I will be the MIL taking pics of my grandkids' bloody wounds someday. I already do this when something happens to my kids or horses. My mom is a nurse and I grew up on a farm, she'll be sure to want to see the gore firsthand so we can discuss it and treatments better. this is my normal. Obviously it is not for everyone, my DH hates it! I just know not to show him pics that involve blood, pus or bone...

And if the kids get my iPhone, it's their own fault if they get an eyeful of some disgusting horse injury they would rather not have seen! They will just be more prepared for med school some day should they choose to go down that path. Or it will to teach them to keep their hands off my phone, either one is fine with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -

Do you have more money or spend it more on household items than MIL? Or do you have wildly different taste? Is it possible she is taking pics to show her bridge club friends "can you see the absurdly fancy couch my DIL bought? Isn't it ridiculous?" I can see a busybody MIL doing that.....

+10000

THIS. MIL is s bully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, if you think it would give her pleasure to be upsetting you, don't let it upset you.

She sounds odd. But honestly, what does it matter? Who cares if she shows people pics of your possessions? What happens? A group of people you don't know nor care to know gets a chuckle. It has no bearing on you whatsoever.

As someone once wisely sang, let it go.

Obviously the bigger issue is the relationship with the grandkids. This is also, sadly, not your battle to fight. She either chooses a relationship or not. Don't let it get to you, and help your child, as your child grows, to understand that people are different and you don't know why thy do the things they do but it doesn't matter.

OP here. We absolutely teach our small DCs that everyone is different, and how boring would it be if everyone were the same. MIL takes it as a personal affront, somehow. It's all about her.

DCs are old enough to realize that MIL does not bother with them. They know she is always with the other grandchildren, and that she is odd. But they don't know what is wrong with her, nor do I speculate.

Should I tell MIL that it is not all about her, she can't just go into people's houses and photograph their stuff? I don't feel like I should defend how I live, whether my stuff is old or new, clean or dirty, etc. DH and I are grown ups, we pay for our own stuff, etc. to come in here and disregard our presence and our feelings is just wrong. If I don't say something, I don't want my children to learn that it is okay for people to treat you this way in your own house. It is ridiculous that this is even an issue, but MIL has made it an issue, and now I have to deal with her nonsense.

It does seem like some PPs are looking to judge, like MIL?

[Anonymous]

OP, ask yourself whether you want peace in your family or whether you want to make a giant deal out of this picture thing. That is really the choice here, fundamentally. I can see where it would be annoying but not worth it. Put it out of your mind if you want to get along with your MIL. If you don't care, then by all means raise a ruckus over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ask yourself whether you want peace in your family or whether you want to make a giant deal out of this picture thing. That is really the choice here, fundamentally. I can see where it would be annoying but not worth it. Put it out of your mind if you want to get along with your MIL. If you don't care, then by all means raise a ruckus over this.

I think it would be worth it to "raise a ruckus" because it's a total invasion of privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL can't do anything right. First she doesn't take any pics of your kids, then when she tries to take a pic of your kid, it's offensive. You obviously just don't get along. Nothing she does will make you happy. Just don't even try.

FWIW, I am sure I will be the MIL taking pics of my grandkids' bloody wounds someday. I already do this when something happens to my kids or horses. My mom is a nurse and I grew up on a farm, she'll be sure to want to see the gore firsthand so we can discuss it and treatments better. this is my normal. Obviously it is not for everyone, my DH hates it! I just know not to show him pics that involve blood, pus or bone...

And if the kids get my iPhone, it's their own fault if they get an eyeful of some disgusting horse injury they would rather not have seen! They will just be more prepared for med school some day should they choose to go down that path. Or it will to teach them to keep their hands off my phone, either one is fine with me.

Obvious troll is obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, ask yourself whether you want peace in your family or whether you want to make a giant deal out of this picture thing. That is really the choice here, fundamentally. I can see where it would be annoying but not worth it. Put it out of your mind if you want to get along with your MIL. If you don't care, then by all means raise a ruckus over this.

I think it would be worth it to "raise a ruckus" because it's a total invasion of privacy.

+1000

Wtf? Who goes into other people's houses, family or not, and acts this way? Especially if mil fails to engage, beyond minimally, with grandchildren who live there? Mil is a whacko.

[Anonymous]

Do you think she's a vampire and doesn't show up in pictures?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, if you think it would give her pleasure to be upsetting you, don't let it upset you.

She sounds odd. But honestly, what does it matter? Who cares if she shows people pics of your possessions? What happens? A group of people you don't know nor care to know gets a chuckle. It has no bearing on you whatsoever.

As someone once wisely sang, let it go.

Obviously the bigger issue is the relationship with the grandkids. This is also, sadly, not your battle to fight. She either chooses a relationship or not. Don't let it get to you, and help your child, as your child grows, to understand that people are different and you don't know why thy do the things they do but it doesn't matter.

OP here. We absolutely teach our small DCs that everyone is different, and how boring would it be if everyone were the same. MIL takes it as a personal affront, somehow. It's all about her.

DCs are old enough to realize that MIL does not bother with them. They know she is always with the other grandchildren, and that she is odd. But they don't know what is wrong with her, nor do I speculate.

Should I tell MIL that it is not all about her, she can't just go into people's houses and photograph their stuff? I don't feel like I should defend how I live, whether my stuff is old or new, clean or dirty, etc. DH and I are grown ups, we pay for our own stuff, etc. to come in here and disregard our presence and our feelings is just wrong. If I don't say something, I don't want my children to learn that it is okay for people to treat you this way in your own house. It is ridiculous that this is even an issue, but MIL has made it an issue, and now I have to deal with her nonsense.

It does seem like some PPs are looking to judge, like MIL?

This is what i don't get - how are you being asked to defend how you live? She comes in and photos your stuff, eh, what does it matter? Who cares? She takes it and does whatever weird or non weird thing with the photos - how does that impact you? I don't get it.

The title of your post is about the photography. You posts talk about the way she treats your kids. I'm just wondering why/how the two are linked? I get being upset by her not treating her grandkids well. I don't get how photographing the furniture is anything other than a weird quirk.

Where is your husband in all this? If this were me, I'd just shrug my shoulders and say, wow, she's weird. And then I'd talk with my husband about a strategy to deal with her weirdness and how it impacts or not the kids. And that's about it. I'm not advocating being a doormat - I'm just saying people are wackos.

[Anonymous]

OP, your MIL has autism. She's more comfortable with things than people and has a bunch of kids who are just as socially awkward that they probably won't get married.

Glass houses OP. one of your kids may grow up to be the same way.

You're giving this woman's quirk more power over you than it should. You don't need to raise a stink. Just ask her politely not to take pictures in your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your MIL has autism. She's more comfortable with things than people and has a bunch of kids who are just as socially awkward that they probably won't get married.

Glass houses OP. one of your kids may grow up to be the same way.

You're giving this woman's quirk more power over you than it should. You don't need to raise a stink. Just ask her politely not to take pictures in your home.

Autism? Isn't that quite a reach? Mil is showing photos of her sons belongings, for judgment purposes. What on earth does this have to do with autism or glass houses? Why are you wishing ill on op, when mil is behaving in an offensive manner? What if the kids are adopted, or have other issues? Would that make you happy, pp? Why are you taunting op?

[Anonymous]

OP has borderline personality disorder. Nothing MIL does will ever be right.

[Anonymous]

OP, some people on here are being harsh, but I'm with you that it would drive me insane if someone was photographing my stuff--I'm very private--no stickers on my car even, etc. Sometimes people who are not as private don't get that other people are, and don't understand the anxiety it produces when you feel you lose control over the privacy.

That being said, it does sound like your MIL has something odd to be fixated on things like that (and not people).

I think you should ask her why, like some PPs said, and let it hang there in silence (yes, the awkward silence) and then listen for *exactly* what she says in response to you.

[Anonymous]

eh, she's either bragging about you or complaining about you and she is using these pictures to back her statements up. I think that's the most likely reason for these pics.

I think it's fine to ask her why she just took a picture of your door or your stove or your heap of laundry...it's your stuff, it's your house and if you aren't comfortable with her taking these random pics w/o explanation it is o.k. to ASK HER why she is doing it. If she doesn't have a good explanation for it you can get together at her house or at neutral locations. I wouldn't make a fed case out of it, but I don't think you just have to put up with it either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has borderline personality disorder. Nothing MIL does will ever be right.

Signed mil
(Who is really bad at deflecting)