Ex-Wife Won't Stop Coming Into the House

[Anonymous]

She has no business in the house if you don't want her in the house. PERIOD. Talk to the kids about boundaries - they can handle it. Also make sure they have what they need when they leave for the weekend to go their mom's house. Teach them to be responsible for that. If they don't have something they need the mom can call you to arrange for pick up or drop off at your convenience. If it is inconvenient then they can go without. They will learn how to be more responsible for their stuff. Change the locks today. This is a big bunch of bullshit and easily remedied.

[Anonymous]

OP here = Just to be clear, if this was a matter of kids forgetting something, running in to grab, etc. totally cool with that. That should take a few minutes. Be polite, call first, if it can wait until folks are home, even better. If you are using that as an excuse to walk into someone else's home and spend 30 minutes to an hour doing who the hell knows what, that's where there is a boundary issue. If you've been asked numerous times politely to please stop and respect a home that is not yours (because that new family may have different views on boundaries) and you continue to do it, I think there is a mental (control?) issue. Locks have been changed, kids know, dad agrees and tries to tell her to please stop too. It's actually trespassing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here = Just to be clear, if this was a matter of kids forgetting something, running in to grab, etc. totally cool with that. That should take a few minutes. Be polite, call first, if it can wait until folks are home, even better. If you are using that as an excuse to walk into someone else's home and spend 30 minutes to an hour doing who the hell knows what, that's where there is a boundary issue. If you've been asked numerous times politely to please stop and respect a home that is not yours (because that new family may have different views on boundaries) and you continue to do it, I think there is a mental (control?) issue. Locks have been changed, kids know, dad agrees and tries to tell her to please stop too. It's actually trespassing!

I don't know what you hoped to gain by posting this here, OP. People agree that she shouldn't come in. I think you also need to mellow out about it. There is little to be gained by having your stepkids' mom arrested for trespassing, other than that you get to be right. Figure out other ways to handle the problem.

[Anonymous]

Not OP, but what other way is there if the ex won't accept that she isn't to come into the house?


What happens when you tell the kids she isn't allowed in? She then tells them to let her in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here = Just to be clear, if this was a matter of kids forgetting something, running in to grab, etc. totally cool with that. That should take a few minutes. Be polite, call first, if it can wait until folks are home, even better. If you are using that as an excuse to walk into someone else's home and spend 30 minutes to an hour doing who the hell knows what, that's where there is a boundary issue. If you've been asked numerous times politely to please stop and respect a home that is not yours (because that new family may have different views on boundaries) and you continue to do it, I think there is a mental (control?) issue. Locks have been changed, kids know, dad agrees and tries to tell her to please stop too. It's actually trespassing!

OK, I'm just confused. You say the locks have been changed and the kids know not to let her in. But you also said earlier that the kids are letting her in. Right? And if she's spending 30 minutes in the house with the kids, surely they know what she's doing, no?

[Anonymous]

Wow ok I think there is something else going on here.

OP, you live in the house they used to live in as a married couple?

Were you the OW and then married her DH?

[Anonymous]

Don't marry someone with an ex. Of course boundaries are going to be muddy. You can't just shut their mother out of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Knowing the children's ages are important here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow ok I think there is something else going on here.

OP, you live in the house they used to live in as a married couple?

Were you the OW and then married her DH?

OP Here - yes, it used to be ex's house and far from the other woman. She had the affair and left years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Knowing the children's ages are important here.

OP here - Kids are 13, 15 and 18

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow ok I think there is something else going on here.

OP, you live in the house they used to live in as a married couple?

Were you the OW and then married her DH?

OP Here - yes, it used to be ex's house and far from the other woman. She had the affair and left years ago.

Ok now it makes more sense. She is staking her claim. Even though she got the pay our for it...she is trying to flex her shit so to speak. Your DH needs to get some balls and speak up. I personally do not think you should be involved in any discussion with her, but why is your DH not handling this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here = Just to be clear, if this was a matter of kids forgetting something, running in to grab, etc. totally cool with that. That should take a few minutes. Be polite, call first, if it can wait until folks are home, even better. If you are using that as an excuse to walk into someone else's home and spend 30 minutes to an hour doing who the hell knows what, that's where there is a boundary issue. If you've been asked numerous times politely to please stop and respect a home that is not yours (because that new family may have different views on boundaries) and you continue to do it, I think there is a mental (control?) issue. Locks have been changed, kids know, dad agrees and tries to tell her to please stop too. It's actually trespassing!

I don't know what you hoped to gain by posting this here, OP. People agree that she shouldn't come in. I think you also need to mellow out about it. There is little to be gained by having your stepkids' mom arrested for trespassing, other than that you get to be right. Figure out other ways to handle the problem.

Um, isn't the point that OP is posting here because she's *trying* to figure out other ways to handle the problem and hoping to get suggestions from us? Oy. Way to miss the point, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MYOB

Most stupid comment possible...How is it not OPs business? It's OPs home we are talking about here, duh...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Knowing the children's ages are important here.

OP here - Kids are 13, 15 and 18

Kids are old enough to respect boundaries. iI thought the kids were under 10. Change the locks and don't give the kids the keys until they understand that ex is not allowed in the home without you there. Honestly, they are old enough that she shouldn't even go in if they forgot something. She should wait in the car (for the 13 and 15 year old) and for God's sake, the 18 year old can run back to the house without her. At this age there should be absolutely NO reason for the ex to step foot inside your house.

For the pp who keeps saying kids should be able to "have a mother" - they have a mother!! that mother shouldn't be going in their dad's and stepmom's house - at all!!!

[Anonymous]

OP I would make sure I get naked and get it on with my hubby if I know that she is on the way, right in the middle of the hallway or whereever it's very prominent. That should stop her in her tracks.