Sibling doesn't visit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you don't make trips especially to see her -- in fact, you deliberately don't stay with her when you visit -- but you think she should be making trips especially to see you. Why is that?

You're splitting hairs and twisting my words. I fly out to see all of my family. It's easier to stay at one house the whole time instead of two. I go to her house to see her or she comes to my parents' house while we are there. It's only fair if she cares about seeing me to hold up her end of the relationship sometimes.

Relationships are not about "fair." They just aren't. You sound like you're bean-counting. You never mention missing your sister, or wanting to see her more...only your feeling that it's not fair that she doesn't put herself out more to see you.

I couldn't disagree with this more. Relationships aren't about things being 50/50, but all relationships are about fairness - it's nearly the definition of the word.

Relationships = to relate = some level of exchange or reciprocity. Not necessarily 50/50, but ALLL relationships (whether we're talking about romantic, family, work, the pizza delivery guy, doctor/patient, etc) require some sort of exchange to even quality as being called a "relationship." It's got to be fair for the parties involved, otherwise the relationship breaks down and ceases relevance.

+1

In my experience, people who accuse others of bean-counting are highly manipulative people. They accuse others of keeping score, to justify their inaction.

Fairness is CRITICAL to maintaining ANY relationship. Doesn't mean 50/50, but fairness can mean something as simple as making a concerted effort and trying (as opposed to those people who talk a lot, but don't follow through). No relationship is sustainable without fairness.