Sibling doesn't visit

[Anonymous]

My sister's children are dreadful and nobody invites her/family ot wants to visit her house. Maybe that's your problem.

[Anonymous]

So, you don't make trips especially to see her -- in fact, you deliberately don't stay with her when you visit -- but you think she should be making trips especially to see you. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

You cannot control what other people do, OP. You can either accept the circumstances of your relationship with her and move on, or you can continue to make yourself crazy.

I've lived away from "home" for over 20 years. None of my siblings have ever visited me, ever.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I'm sorry you don't have the relationship that you would like with your sister. I have two brothers and it's quite lonely. With respect to your 2nd child and not having her visit. Unfortunately, that's kind of what happens sometimes. When we had our first, family from both sides were very interested and wanted to buy us things (never asked, nor expected). But when we had our second my brother (who I helped out with the birth of his second) never bothered to visit until we held a celebration event (customary in our culture) months later.

You may just need to make peace with this.

[Anonymous]

Neither my sister nor I fly across the country to visit each other. My idea of a fun vacation or a relaxing weekend is not spending $600 to fly 7 hours to stay with my sister who I really don't have a super great relationship with (we are amicable, but not close).

We both visit my parents (who incidentally do not live where we grew up either). Sometimes those visits overlap. In the last 5 years I have seen my sister 3 times. She has met my son once. It's fine--I don't crave more.

You cannot force a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you don't make trips especially to see her -- in fact, you deliberately don't stay with her when you visit -- but you think she should be making trips especially to see you. Why is that?

You're splitting hairs and twisting my words. I fly out to see all of my family. It's easier to stay at one house the whole time instead of two. I go to her house to see her or she comes to my parents' house while we are there. It's only fair if she cares about seeing me to hold up her end of the relationship sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither my sister nor I fly across the country to visit each other. My idea of a fun vacation or a relaxing weekend is not spending $600 to fly 7 hours to stay with my sister who I really don't have a super great relationship with (we are amicable, but not close).

We both visit my parents (who incidentally do not live where we grew up either). Sometimes those visits overlap. In the last 5 years I have seen my sister 3 times. She has met my son once. It's fine--I don't crave more.

You cannot force a relationship.

I'm not forcing a relationship. We actually have an online business/hobby together and have started Skyping monthly for the first time ever. I guess it's a difference between feeling like both parties should visit each other to be fair in order to maintain the relationship even if it's not convenient or cheap vs. her viewpoint of feeling like she doesn't have to make any effort because I'm the one that makes the effort unless it's fun for her like seeing my first baby. It just seems selfish to me.

[Anonymous]

My sibling doesn't visit me either, OP. I've been here 15 years. The excuse is that sibling 'doesn't like to travel'. I do all of the traveling with my two small children. I've given up hoping that it will change and just accept that this is the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Guess how many times my sister has visited me in 5 years, and I live <5 miles away? 2.5 (the .5 is the time she got into a fight with her spouse, and needed a place to crash - I don't really count that)

I live in an apartment, but a great, walkable, beautiful, family friendly neighborhood with load of parks and restaurants. Their kids love me. They're just lazy and selfish as shit.

Unfortunately, some siblings are just assholes.

[Anonymous]

I haven't seen my family in 15 years. Not even a phone call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither my sister nor I fly across the country to visit each other. My idea of a fun vacation or a relaxing weekend is not spending $600 to fly 7 hours to stay with my sister who I really don't have a super great relationship with (we are amicable, but not close).

We both visit my parents (who incidentally do not live where we grew up either). Sometimes those visits overlap. In the last 5 years I have seen my sister 3 times. She has met my son once. It's fine--I don't crave more.

You cannot force a relationship.

I'm not forcing a relationship. We actually have an online business/hobby together and have started Skyping monthly for the first time ever. I guess it's a difference between feeling like both parties should visit each other to be fair in order to maintain the relationship even if it's not convenient or cheap vs. her viewpoint of feeling like she doesn't have to make any effort because I'm the one that makes the effort unless it's fun for her like seeing my first baby. It just seems selfish to me.

You have to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you don't make trips especially to see her -- in fact, you deliberately don't stay with her when you visit -- but you think she should be making trips especially to see you. Why is that?

You're splitting hairs and twisting my words. I fly out to see all of my family. It's easier to stay at one house the whole time instead of two. I go to her house to see her or she comes to my parents' house while we are there. It's only fair if she cares about seeing me to hold up her end of the relationship sometimes.

Relationships are not about "fair." They just aren't. You sound like you're bean-counting. You never mention missing your sister, or wanting to see her more...only your feeling that it's not fair that she doesn't put herself out more to see you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you don't make trips especially to see her -- in fact, you deliberately don't stay with her when you visit -- but you think she should be making trips especially to see you. Why is that?

You're splitting hairs and twisting my words. I fly out to see all of my family. It's easier to stay at one house the whole time instead of two. I go to her house to see her or she comes to my parents' house while we are there. It's only fair if she cares about seeing me to hold up her end of the relationship sometimes.

Relationships are not about "fair." They just aren't. You sound like you're bean-counting. You never mention missing your sister, or wanting to see her more...only your feeling that it's not fair that she doesn't put herself out more to see you.

If I didn't miss her or want to see her more, I wouldn't have posted in the first place.

[Anonymous]

We're just telling you what you actually wrote. It's revealing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you don't make trips especially to see her -- in fact, you deliberately don't stay with her when you visit -- but you think she should be making trips especially to see you. Why is that?

You're splitting hairs and twisting my words. I fly out to see all of my family. It's easier to stay at one house the whole time instead of two. I go to her house to see her or she comes to my parents' house while we are there. It's only fair if she cares about seeing me to hold up her end of the relationship sometimes.

Relationships are not about "fair." They just aren't. You sound like you're bean-counting. You never mention missing your sister, or wanting to see her more...only your feeling that it's not fair that she doesn't put herself out more to see you.

I couldn't disagree with this more. Relationships aren't about things being 50/50, but all relationships are about fairness - it's nearly the definition of the word.

Relationships = to relate = some level of exchange or reciprocity. Not necessarily 50/50, but ALLL relationships (whether we're talking about romantic, family, work, the pizza delivery guy, doctor/patient, etc) require some sort of exchange to even quality as being called a "relationship." It's got to be fair for the parties involved, otherwise the relationship breaks down and ceases relevance.