Brother refuses to allow use of his room

[Anonymous]

No one is taking my bedroom at my parents house even if I'm only there 1 week a yr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 pages and no one has pointed out the obvious:
OP, your brother is selling drugs (marijuana obviously but who knows what else) out of your fathers basement. He has his regular customers that come on the weekends, and is probably growing, or at least storing, pot and probably some pills too.
He doesn't want anyone in that room where his stash is.
It was obvious from your first post.
Stay far far away from his room for your own safety

This is a good point, OP.

Please move out.

[Anonymous]

That was my first question - what's in that room?

OP you need to get the hell out. Your brother does drugs, sells drugs, collects guns, and who the hell knows what else...that's not normal. Throwing your sister down the steps is not normal. None of this is ok or normal. Get out. Even if you need to stay at a women's shelter - you are a victim of domestic violence. Don't stay...your brother sounds really dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 pages and no one has pointed out the obvious:
OP, your brother is selling drugs (marijuana obviously but who knows what else) out of your fathers basement. He has his regular customers that come on the weekends, and is probably growing, or at least storing, pot and probably some pills too.
He doesn't want anyone in that room where his stash is.
It was obvious from your first post.
Stay far far away from his room for your own safety

This.

Move.

Ship your boxes to california the slow way and couch surf with different at the very least do not be in the house when your brother is.

Do not go into that basement, you do not want your fingerprints etc down there.

[Anonymous]

Do not pass go, do not collect $200. GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE.

[Anonymous]

I agree that its very likely your brother is selling drugs out of your father's basement. I also think its likely he is on drugs that are much more serious than pot, given his violent episodes and irrational behavior.

[Anonymous]

I had the act same thought upon reading the original post: steady stream of people equals dealing. He doesn't want you in there because that's where he keeps his supply.

[Anonymous]

Act = exact

[Anonymous]

Why do I picture him like Scarface down there, with a big pile of yay on his desk, just diving his face in it.

"Remember Tony...never get high on your own supply"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was my first question - what's in that room?

OP you need to get the hell out. Your brother does drugs, sells drugs, collects guns, and who the hell knows what else...that's not normal. Throwing your sister down the steps is not normal. None of this is ok or normal. Get out. Even if you need to stay at a women's shelter - you are a victim of domestic violence. Don't stay...your brother sounds really dangerous.

On top of this, OP, you seem to want to create more drama by engaging your brother over what is fair, when it's quite obvious you would be better off (and get more studying done) by letting it go. Once you get to a stable place in your life, you need to look at why it's so important to you to create drama over this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was my first question - what's in that room?

OP you need to get the hell out. Your brother does drugs, sells drugs, collects guns, and who the hell knows what else...that's not normal. Throwing your sister down the steps is not normal. None of this is ok or normal. Get out. Even if you need to stay at a women's shelter - you are a victim of domestic violence. Don't stay...your brother sounds really dangerous.

On top of this, OP, you seem to want to create more drama by engaging your brother over what is fair, when it's quite obvious you would be better off (and get more studying done) by letting it go. Once you get to a stable place in your life, you need to look at why it's so important to you to create drama over this situation.

Yeah, op, good point. Everyone else can see - bad situation. Get out. Or if you can't afford to get out, at least stay away from the basement. Instead you seem intent on involving yourself in your brothers drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We all agree your brother is in the wrong and also dangerous, and that it's not fair that you, comparatively more hard-working and high-achieving, should have the harder deal.

First, life is not fair.
Second, as a parent of one child with special needs and one high-achieving child, please understand that I will care for my troubled child for as long as I live, and that this will impact my other children, even if only in the more limited attention I can give to them.
I don't know where your father stands in all this, but I suspect he expects more from you than from him. It's not fair, but it's perhaps all he can give. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

Which is a long way to say: don't engage with your brother, and deal with it another way.

Special needs is one thing. Pothead is quite another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 pages and no one has pointed out the obvious:
OP, your brother is selling drugs (marijuana obviously but who knows what else) out of your fathers basement. He has his regular customers that come on the weekends, and is probably growing, or at least storing, pot and probably some pills too.
He doesn't want anyone in that room where his stash is.
It was obvious from your first post.
Stay far far away from his room for your own safety

This.

Move.

Ship your boxes to california the slow way and couch surf with different at the very least do not be in the house when your brother is.

Do not go into that basement, you do not want your fingerprints etc down there.

Very smart advice.

While in most cases I'd want to be right when it's plain I am right (and OP is right), I would high-tail it out of that house if it meant going to a shelter.

None of your brother behaviours sound like the behaviours of a person who has its s*** together.

If your father wants to be involved in that kind of c***, that's his decision and his life. I don't think you want to throw away your future over this... because to me drugs and guns sound like the stuff that can wreck a person's life very fast.

[Anonymous]

Why is no one posting about the guns? The brother is violent, continually threatens the dad and the OP, and is on drugs. Probably is dealing drugs and some of the people coming and going might also be violent, etc.

OP needs to get out of that house and call the police saying she is concerned for the dad because of the high, violent, and ARMED brother. How many times do we read news articles where people said they didn't see signs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I know i will get flamed for being young, but I really would appreciate some input.

I am 25, I lived at college on my own, in my own apartment, and stayed there afterward, working and with my own place. About 8 months ago I moved home to DC, and to save on the higher rents (I went to college and lived in a very large city that had much lower rent) while I studied for the LSAT, I decided to live with my father, who my little brother (20) was also staying with. My father lives in a tiny townhouse, and I moved into the small bedroom on the second floor, next to my father's room. My brother lived in the basement, in a room that was essentially a "hangout room/den", and takes up almost the entire floorpan, probably 30 by 50 feet.

My brother has had a lot of issues. Had to drop out of HS and get his GED, finally went to community college (everyone in my famiyl has gone to 4 year schools) and has been in trouble for minor issues with the law a couple of times (such as, driving without registration in VA, which he ended up being banned from VA for a year or so). He smokes weed constantly- there was a stream of people coming in and out of the house, some regulars and some new people, that would go down to his room in the basement to smoke a bowl.

Now, this made it extremely difficult to study for the LSATS (i am not a weed smoker, and dont like all the noise from the mass of teenage boys as they play video games), and created tension between me and him. On one occasion it escalated to a physical altercation, wherein he ended up throwing me down the stairs and putting me in a headlock.

I was extremely shaken up and wanted to leave or get him to see a therapist with me, but he refused. Things ended up calming down and I made the decision to stay in the house for the time being, while looking for somewhere to move.

Anyway, this past January he started at a school in VA. He was driving there (it's 4 hours away), and my father found him an apartment, and he moved in.

This past weekend, however, I got the nasty surprise that he had come back for the weekend. Back came the stream of people coming in and smoking weed.

When I mentioned offhandedly that I wanted to use his (now vacant) room to study in, he flipped out. Apparently no one is allowed to even walk in his room because it's permanently his and he will be coming back on the weekends.

Now, my room is tiny- maybe 10 by 10 feet and filled with boxes stacked up because I plan on moving again soon. It's so nice to be able to just get up and stretch my legs and go down to a room where I can pace in between studying or otherwise move around. I think it's absurd that he expects this room to be kept just for him. I have four siblings in total and grew up in a three bedroom house, where it was essentially musical bedrooms. The idea that he wants to keep this room while he is hours away living in an apartment seems ridiculous, especially as I dont plan on making any changes, just using a table in it to study.

My question is: why is my brother so upset about this? And is it reasonable to expect to use an unused, vacant room to study in?

What did your father do when that happened? I'm shocked.