Brother refuses to allow use of his room

[Anonymous]

Your brother is being ridiculous, but I agree with the PPs that this is not a fight worth having. Either study elsewhere, make some other space in the house work for you, or move out. It's up to your dad to deal with your brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dope, guns, violence.

You need to move out yesterday.

+1

You know this is right. Do it.

[Anonymous]

DO NOT GO TO LAW SCHOOL. The rest is irrelevant and silly.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the follow up post- I feel for you OP. I would just keep my head down until you are able to move.

[Anonymous]

Oh my lord op. Try to go stay somewhere else till April. That situation sounds like a nightmare.

Don't argue with your brother over the room anymore. Of course you are right, but you are dealing with two abusive men. It's not worth the fight. What jerks.

If you have to stay there, use your room to sleep and spend as little time at the house as possible. Go study elsewhere.

Can you at least find someplace else to stay on the wknd your brother is there?

[Anonymous]

Your brother sounds crazy
Your dad is an enabler
You need to move before your brother and/or one of his shady burn out friends seriously harms or kills you
and your dad covers it up (you know, as a compromise)

[Anonymous]

ON second thought, I think this is a troll

[Anonymous]

Yes, your brother is an abusive asshole. Yes, it is unfair.

What you are overlooking is that you should be grateful that when you are hitting bottom, your dad is there to offer you a free room to come home to. Yes, it's small. Yes, your brother monopolizes a good useable space and isn't even there 70% of the time. But you should be grateful that you had a free room to come home and not make things more difficult for your father. Your father already has a very hard situation dealing with an abusive, and abusing son who is a walking talking (actually screaming, it seems) time bomb. Do not make things harder by picking fights with your brother. That only makes things more difficult for you and your father. You aren't going to reason with him. What he needs is professional help.

I say you lay low, go to places like the library, Panera, Starbucks, etc to study and stay out of the way especially on weekends. Alternatively, if you can study during the day, you can use the rest of the house (living room, kitchen) to study while your dad is at work. You have only 2 months to do this before you move away. After that, you will be free again.

I agree that you should talk to your father during the week when you brother is at school and make sure that he has some sort of backup plans if your brother becomes too violent. And that may include having to vacate the premises and call the police to handle brother and friends, but do NOT make things worse for either yourself or your father.

[Anonymous]

You are not your brother's protector. You are his enabler. Your dad is not going to protect you, and you are in danger from your brother.

You cannot see the forest for the trees. Do you really think that a few dozen anonymous people here affirming that you are right and your brother is unreasonable and wrong will help you in any way?

Your father can make whatever decisions he wants to make about his own house. The whole situation sucks, but you have a serious problem with what you are prioritizing here.

Your brother is a violent, volatile, moody, unpredictable substance abuser who feels threatened by your presence in his space, has animosity toward you, and has been violent with you. Your problem is not that you have no where to study.

A storage room costs about $50 a month. Move your stuff there and study in your room, if you feel safe enough there. I think you're a fool to even stay around this weekend, though. Your brother is dangerous. Please do the world a favor and call the cops next time he assaults someone.

[Anonymous]

It does seem odd that you would post about the room situation when that is the least of the household issues.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's hiding something and I'd new tempted to find out what. My thought is to study there without telling him, but gosh, can you stand the smell??

[Anonymous]

Have some good suggestions about other places to study here. There are lots of university libraries in DC you might want to check out, as well as public libraries.

Are there any friends you could stay with on the weekends? It sounds like there are shady things going on in the basement, and if I were you I would not walk to walk in the room and I would not want to be anywhere near the house when my brother was there. I would not disturb what he's hiding in the basement--if whatever it is goes missing you will probably be blamed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did your dad not do anything about your brother getting physical with you?
I don't care what special needs your brother has, that is bullshit and he shouldn't be allowed to get away with things like that.

Well, my father was physically violent with all of us and with my mother growing up. After she divorced him, I stupidly thought, given how he begged and pleaded for me to come stay with him, that he had changed. That was a mistake- he's largely the same as he was growing up, though he doesn't dare get violent with me now.

I suppose I thought I could handle things now, but I realize now I'm in over my head. I Have bad credit, which is why it was hard to find somewhere else to move. And he can be nice really frequently (I know, typical of abusive people, which makes moving into a group home seem like the less appealing option.

My father told me it was partially my fault for my brother getting physical with me. What prompted it was me going Into his room, so I guess it's Obvious he has had serious space issues for a while.

I guess I don't call the police on my brother, though I have threatened to many times, is because I feel sorry for him. I was always his protector/defender growing up, and I feel like shit really hit the fan for him when I went away to college and was no longer there for him. Writing that out it does seem silly, but it's sad because I will always see the little three year old brother I loved so much, and it's hard to totally cut him off even though I guess that's what I should do.

My father totally fans the flames and I think he tries to breed Ill will and conflict between us. Which is why I'm trying to leave.

Forgot to mention, I have set up a move to California. Moving in early April, have it set up with a friend. So there is an end in sight, it's just dealing with things until April comes.

Your dad was violent to you, your brother and mom during your childhood and you are surprised by your brother? He is just a product of his environment. Either suck it up, move into a temporary group home or other situation or live with your mom. You are old enough to be responsible.

[Anonymous]

Op, get the heck out. Now. This is not a safe or healthy situation. Forget about the basement. You really want to be down there inhaling stale pot fumes anyway? No. Just get out of there. Can you go to your moms?

[Anonymous]

3 pages and no one has pointed out the obvious:
OP, your brother is selling drugs (marijuana obviously but who knows what else) out of your fathers basement. He has his regular customers that come on the weekends, and is probably growing, or at least storing, pot and probably some pills too.
He doesn't want anyone in that room where his stash is.
It was obvious from your first post.
Stay far far away from his room for your own safety